What Would Kat Do?
Welcome to What Would Kat Do, aka WWKD? Because who can give better relationship advice than a divorced mom? Really …
Dear Kat: I read your blog all the time, and I’m hoping you can help me. I’m 49, a single dad of a 14-year-old girl. I’ve been divorced 8 years, and have a good relationship with my ex. I’m fit, have a good job, own a home, and I am the proverbial “nice guy.” Friends tell me I’m attractive — and I have hair!
It’s been hard meeting women because I don’t really like the bar scene. So, I’ve been trying online dating. There’s a woman I’m really interested in — she’s attractive, 39, slim, a professional, into outdoor activities, and she doesn’t want kids. In other words, she’s a great catch for me — and every other man online!
I’m guessing she is getting tons of e-mail. How do I make mine stand out? Do I mention income? Interests? Why she’d want to meet me? I just don’t want to be — Lost in the crowd
Dear Lost: Thanks for writing in. You’re right — she probably is getting tons of e-mails, as most attractive women online do, professional or not.
So, how do you make your e-mail to her stand out? Forget about income; I know a lot of women are interested in that, but are you interested in a woman who is? Your profile already (most likely) mentions your interests — either they mesh with hers or they don’t. Giving her a list of why she should meet you? Hmm, why not focus on why you’d like to meet her? There’s no bigger turn-off than going on and on about yourself, even if you’re being “humble”: My friends say I’m a nice guy.
Here’s how I’d approach it — write something catchy on the subject line, not just “Hi there!” or something banal like that. Then I’d say something witty and short, and pick one thing she says in her profile that means something to you and why.
Now’s not the time to comment on her nice cleavage — that’s for later, when you’re both naked. In fact, I wouldn’t say anything about her beauty; she knows it, and pointing out the obvious is never intelligent.
Keep it short and sweet and genuine. And you can’t go wrong with intelligence and humor.
Or can you?
Readers, what do you think? Answer here.
Dear Kat: I have been reading a Blog That Shall Not Be Named for a while now, and, as silly as it sounds, I have started to have feelings for the blogger. I don’t know who she is — she writes under a pseudonym — but she seems so smart, sassy, sensual and real. Should I ask her out? — Hot for Blogger
Dear Hot: Good question. But nothing is silly when it comes to feelings for another person. However, as hard as it is to get to know another a person, it’s even harder to get to know a blogger. Why? Because bloggers create personas, even if their blogs are personal diary kinds of blogs, even if they post actual pictures of themselves and their kids. They change dates and names and timelines and situations to protect themselves and their loved ones, even if what they’re writing about is a real event or based on research. A blogger will add a bit of fantasy to his or her writing, and — most likely— humor. So what, exactly, are you having feelings for — the person or the persona? Trust me; they’re not one and the same.
If you asked your blogger out, you’d probably be disappointed because I’m guessing she isn’t necessarily the “smart, sassy, sensual and real” woman you imagine her to be. Not to say that she’s not any or all of those things, but most likely not in the way that you perceive her to be.
So read the Blog That Shall Not Be Named with an open mind, a kind heart and some witty comeback and don’t take everything she says so seriously. But, don’t ask her out. I mean, you wouldn’t want to be fodder for a future column, now would you?
Have a relationship question? Write to WWKD at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I promise I’ll do my best not to mess up your life. Too much …