Ready for an erotic vacation?
“I have the perfect vacation for us!” Sara said as she burst into my front door before we took a (cold!) ride over Mount Tam.
“Oh really? The last ‘perfect’ vacation you had for us I was left alone for pretty much the whole weekend while you had crazy sex all over Austin with that hottie you met the night we arrived. Remember?” 
“Oh, Kat — he was so cute, and you know I was desperate for sex back then. It had been, like, months!”
“Whatever.”
“OK, OK. This won’t be like that, I promise.”
“So, what do you have in mind?”
“Hedonism II.”
“The erotic resort? You’re kidding me!”
“No, it will be awesome. People interested in sensual things. All sorts of sexy activities. Decadence and debauchery. Naked people — think!”
I was thinking. And my thought was, no way! I’m hardly a prude but it’s just that erotic destination getaways seem so, I don’t know — calculated. Showing up at a music club in Austin, spontaneously meeting someone cute and having fantastic sex for the weekend seems so much better. If you can swing it, that is.
But maybe you can’t. Maybe Sara was just lucky that time. Maybe it isn’t all that easy to meet someone for fun (unless you’re going to go on Craiglist’s “casual encounters” once you get to town). Maybe it’s better to vacation at a place that’s custom-made to find you a lover — or at least the potential for one — for a few days if that’s where your head is at. (Although I have to imagine that there have to be some less-than-satisfied customers at exotic hot spots; since you’re still you wherever you go, if you have a hard time attracting people in your everyday life, you may not have much luck at an adults-only resort, either!)
Back in the ’80s, Club Med was the “it” place if you were a swinging single. Since the late ’90s, it’s become into a family destination. Makes sense; if you were a swinging single back in the ’80s, you most likely have been towing a few kids by now. Of course, that’s exactly when you may need an erotic vacation!
I can’t say adults-only resorts are good or bad because I’ve never been. And, I’m never going to go; I can’t see Sean and me packing up for four-days-three-nights at some place where the pressure is on to be romantic. What if we just want to sleep?
A former boyfriend once booked us a room at a hotel with a round bed and mirrors on the ceiling — I burst out laughing when we walked in the room. (You’ll notice I said “former” boyfriend …)
But, if you’re single and looking to score — or at least have some sensual fun — is an adults-only resort a good idea?
- Would you ever go to an adults-only resort?
- Why or why not?
- Have you ever been to an adults-only resort?
- As a single or a couple?
- And … ????
Photo © Nathalie P – Fotolia.com
Can friends with benefits work?
Mia, Sara and I walked out of “Friends With Benefits” and headed straight to the nearest bar. A movie like that will do that to a gal.
Not that there was anything earth-shattering in the movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis; it’s just that the concept — can you have casual sex with someone you know and like as a friend? — is one that most women like to dissect.
“I’ll have a cosmo,” Mia said to the bartender as we sidled up to the bar.
“Same,” Sara said.
“Grey Goose. Rocks. Twist,” I said. 
“You always have to be different,” Sara huffed.
“Not always.”
“Well, even your FWB — why did it work for you and not us?” Sara said, taking a long sip of her cosmo.
Honestly, I don’t know. But, first let me back up.
When we each got divorced, Sara, Mia and I were, like most newly divorced people — total messes. We’d each lost about 10 pounds — that wasn’t so bad, actually — from lack of sleep and food; we cried a lot; we couldn’t concentrate; we looked like crap. But we tried our best to keep it together for our kids and jobs.
Then at some point things started to normalize and something weird happened — we started feeling better about ourselves and less uncertain each day, and men started to notice us. And that was a good thing because by that time, we were months into the split and horny! But dating seemed daunting and besides, we really weren’t ready for that; who is right after a split?
And so we each found a way to have casual sex without picking up random guys in bars for one-nighters (although Sara did that, too); we looked at the men we already knew and had some sort of a relationship with. That’s how each of found ourselves in bed with a “friend.”
Why do I think mine worked well? I think because I know myself well enough to know that I can separate sex from emotions (although, I genuinely like him). Our life situations were very different so a relationship couldn’t work even if we wanted. And, it only lasted a few months. I guess that’s why my FWB parted without drama and, yes, we’re still friends (although we’re thousand of miles apart at this point).
Can a friends with benefits relationship work? A FWB arrangement is a delicate thing; I’m not sure most of us can do it well — if at all. Someone always seems to want more and someone always seems to get hurt. That’s not what FWBs are supposed to be about.
Of course, they’re not supposed to end like Timberlake and Kunis do, either (spoiler) — they actually do fall in love. Hmm, but it they really didn’t want a relationship, why is that considered a good thing?
- Can friends with benefits work?
- Have you had one (or more)?
Photo © Ramon Cami – Fotolia.com
Is a threesome one person too many?
It was pure coincidence that Sean and I ran into Sara and Todd, her OKcupid date, in line to for the movies. After, we went out for drinks and we got to know him better.
I liked him. He, evidently, liked me, too.
“So, Todd thinks you’re pretty hot,” Sara told me on the phone yesterday.
“He’s cute, Sara. Don’t mess this one up!”
“Ha! Believe me; I’m trying not to! He said he thought it would pretty cool having a threesome with you.”
“A threesome? That’s funny — doesn’t he know I’ve already seen you naked?”
“Whatever, but I’m serious. I mean, I think he’s serious.” 
“Really? Now that would be weird. I don’t think I could ever look at you the same way again, Sara. Plus there’s the matter of Sean.”
“He could watch.”
“True. But …”
“Don’t worry — I don’t want to sleep with you, either. If any third person’s hopping into my bed, it will be someone who looks like Johnny Depp and has the stamina of Tiger Woods.”
I’d have to agree.
Most guys love the idea of a threesome. If one hot, naked babe in your bed sounds good, doesn’t two hot, naked babes sound even better? About every guy I’ve ever know has either mentioned a threesome as a fantasy or has done it, sometimes more than once.
Obviously some women are into threesomes, too, although I have no idea how many prefer two babes and a guy or two guys and their naked self. Not that I have any problem with women’s bodies — I think they can be beautiful (as long as they’re not Botoxed and fake boobed, or fat). I’d just rather have another man and his package attending to my, uh, needs.
But for every happy threesome I’ve heard about, there’s been at least one unhappy one — the guy was more into babe No. 2, neither gal was into each other, both gals were too into each other, etc. — and a relationship that thought it was hedonistically open-minded became a very frail version of itself.
Which begs the question — is a ménage-a-trois better as a fantasy than as a reality? Is it worth the risk?
I think it’s nice to know that having a threesome an option, same like like retiring early, traveling around the world for a year and then settling in Tahiti.
What about you?
Photo © Lourdes Tamés – Fotolia.com
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