The Madonna/whore, Marilyn/Jackie O dilemma

“Are you a Marilyn or a Jackie O?” Sara asked me, dipping her pinkie into the guac and licking it off. We were snuggled on my couch for a gal’s night in.

“Is this like asking me if I’m a good witch or a bad witch? Last time I looked, I was still plain ol’ Kat.”

“Well, I was reading a blog about how you’re either a woman who exudes sex and drama, like Marilyn Monroe, or you’re the one guys want to mother their kids, the ones who have dinner ready, weekly missionary sex and manage everything so that he can succeed.
Like Jackie O. Those are your choices, Marilyn or Jackie. So,
who are you?” 

I hate those questions. They’re like the ones you get at a job interview — are you a better this or a better that? You just know there’s a catch. I want to be good at both — hell, I actually believe I am good at both! — so I fudge my answer and often end up messing up. There’s a trick to this game, and I still haven’t figured it out.

Still, I thought I pretty much had the sexpot-mother thing down. I never viewed it as a Marilyn-Jackie O. thing, though; it was always the Madonna-whore thing for me. You know — you’re a wild,
sexy party girl until you become a mom and then suddenly your hubby can only see you as a mom (and for a lot of women that’s all they identify with, too) and then he wants the whore back. Cue the affair.

Fine, but just look at all the Louboutin-strutting “whores” who are also “Madonnas” nowadays — starting with Madonna herself, then Angelina, Kate, Gwen, Gwyneth. Need I go on? These are women who are hot, hot, hot — and also happen to be moms. If Megan
Fox gets knocked up and becomes a mama, is any man in his right mind going to put her in the unfuckable category?

But, here’s the big but — that’s how we see them, given the whole celeb mommy porn thing. Their hubbies may feel differently because who’s to say what it’s like when you have a hottie at home — in her sweats, without her makeup, PMSing, breastfeeding the baby and thinking that adopting another tot might be a good career move?

Forget about Madonna/whore, Marilyn/Jackie O. — I think it comes down to women who like sex and women who don’t. That’s it. If a woman views herself as a sexual being, no matter if she’s single, married, a mother or whatever, she’s going to reek of sex.

Maybe it has less to do with how men view women, but more how women view themselves and their sexuality. Or maybe it has everything to do with our genes.

The Marilyn is all about, well, Marilyn. She fucks, and she knows she’s good at it so don’t try to make her do anything else but fuck. Marry that and, well, good luck.

Jackie O. is willing to give away so much of herself that she doesn’t even feel; she’s just bound by duty. Marry that and, well, good luck.

And any woman who becomes a mom and becomes so wrapped up in mommyhood that she forgets her sexual side and her role in keeping a marriage sexually alive (and packs on the pounds, and thinks granny panties and stretch waistband polyester pants are the next best thing to Oprah) is doomed to be a Madonna — and, most likely, a divorcee.

We don’t have to box ourselves in to being one of the above. We can be sexual Marilyns, Madonnas, whores and Jackie Os as long as we truly feel and act sexual because we like it and want it.

Or … am I just fudging and messing up again?