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Jul 11

What’s so sexy about a baby bump?

Posted on Monday, July 11, 2011 in Honesty, Kat, Men, Relationships, Self image, Women

I was at a party a few weeks after I’d given birth to The Kid, happy not to be slave to the stretchy, flowing maternity clothes I had worn for months but not quite ready to fit back into my babe outfits, either. I settled for something that didn’t scream “Maternity!!!!!” but, still, not up to my usual standards. I was in that post-pregnancy physical gray zone that, unless I was actually holding the baby, could be misconstrued to be, “Wow — she looks like she’ll be popping out a baby any day now.”

It isn’t a happy zone.

So when someone at the party asked me when I was due, I was flustered (and then somewhat depressed) — “I gave birth almost three weeks ago!” I mumbled — but nowhere near as flustered as the person who asked. No one wants to get that pregnancy vs. fat thing wrong.   

David Beckham noted how “amazing” wife Victoria looked — then nine months pregnant with their fourth child (she gave birth to a girl yesterday) — recently on his Facebook page. That is a pretty hot photo, but then again we all don’t all have a bod like Victoria’s.

But, is a baby bump all that sexy?

When women come upon a bulging belly, we love to ask all sorts of questions  — Is it your first? Do you know the sex? — and then want to share their horror stories of delivery, nipple attachment, whatever. But we generally don’t think a pregnant woman is all that hot; we just commiserate. I don’t even know if guys pay much attention, assuming it’s not their own partner, that is.

I think the sexiest thing about being pregnant is what Beckham said — that his wife looks “amazing.” The daddy-to-be loving how mom-to-be looks? Now that’s hot!

  • Are pregnant women sexy?
  • If you’re a woman, did being pregnant make you feel feminine or just fat?
  • If you’re a guy, did you like the way your partner looked when she was pregnant?



May 26

The upside of being a choice mom

It was Sunday morning, too early to have eyes open, but for whatever reason we woke up together, slowly, dreamily, our bodies close enough that I could feel his morning hard-on.

“Mmm,” I moaned, pushing my butt a little harder into his soft and hard spots.

“Mmm,” he moaned back, as his hands made their way from my hips to my breasts and body parts were being aligned.

And then, a cry.

“Mama! Ma-MAAHHH!”

I shot up out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to check on the baby.”

“He’s fine. Come back to bed, and let me check on a few of your things …”

“Hold that thought; I’ll be right back,” I said, as
I blew him a kiss. 

By the time I came back, nobody was coming
— the magic moment was gone.

Several years later, and Rob and I divorced.



Well, there were a few other issues— a lot, actually — besides a series of child-related coitus interruptus “incidents” that led us to split. But I clearly remember those exhausting, stressful Married With Baby days. As T ponders in her post this week, it makes you wonder if
parenting with small kids leads to divorce.

I don’t think so.

If anything, unrealistic expectations, marrying for the wrong reasons and our own emotional baggage from the past probably lead to more divorces than raising a kid does. And we get so disappointed and frustrated with our partners so easily, over little
crap, too, like laundry and loading dishwashers. I mean, c’mon!  But, having children impacts a couple in ways you can’t possibly anticipate,
no matter how many stories you hear, books you read or experts you follow.

Until you’re in the trenches, you really have no idea what having kids is all about. And at that point, well, your options are pretty limited, and so like most good soldiers, you just keep trudging along, hoping your “battle” strategy works.

That’s if you even have a strategy. But since 47 percent of parents say pregnancy “just happened,” it seems that there are a lot of new parents who don’t have a game plan. “Just happened” isn’t a strategy that’s going to hold up in the heat of marital-parenting battle. especially since almost every couple feels stressed, conflicted and unhappy the first year or two after a baby is born.

Can that be avoided?

Yeah — if you’re a choice mother.

Not that I’m suggesting you become one.

I can understand the incredible sadness a woman might feel if she hasn’t met The One before her biological clock goes on the fritz. Still, I just can’t even imagine having a baby on my own when it’s so hard when there are two of you!

But it does have an upside.

Many choice moms love not having a partner around — they can do things their way and not have to deal with anyone else’s issues other than their own and their kid’s. You can always send your kid to his room and take away his Xbox when he misbehaves; can’t do that if you’re pissed at your hubby.

So maybe it makes sense to have a baby on your own; you avoid experiencing that post-baby stress and unhappiness with your partner and you can do the laundry and load the dishwasher whatever damn way you want! Have the baby first, and just have a guy show up later — when you’re happier, healthier and ready to have sex again.

Well, that’s what Lori “Marry Him” Gottlieb did — you can ask her how well it’s going …

Not every man wants to raise someone else’s kids.

Plus, men develop a Daddy Brain, kicked in by a pregnant woman’s hormones. By keeping dads out of the equation, we moms might be messing up a man’s capacity to fully love his kids — or someone else’s. And dads and kids both end up losers.

Am I happy now? Yep.

Do I love having a kid? Yep.

Was being Married With Baby hard? Yep.

Would I rather have stayed as an intact couple if we could have worked out our crap? Yep — parenting solo is harder.

What about you?

Photo © Delli-Pizzi-

May 13

M is for mother and masturbation

As my dog Roxy and I took a Mother’s Day hike together — her “gift” to me, I suppose — I chucked to myself that we moms get one day out of the year to ourselves while the big M — masturbation — gets a whole month.

You have to wonder who decided that and why!

Not that I’m complaining.

In fact, I’m all for it (although the poor restaurants can’t cash in much: “Mom, I’d sure like to take you to brunch, but you’re going to have to stop what you’re doing in there long enough to eat …” Nor can Hallmark, but there’s always some creative company that will.)

Beside the fact that masturbation just feels so damn good (and guys, even if you’d rather we gals “use” you instead of our vibrators and fingers, trust me: you benefit big time by it because it helps us figure out what pleases us and what doesn’t. Want us to orgasm? Let us play with ourselves!), it might also mean there are less mothers celebrating Mother’s Day.
Given the latest news from Pew, that might be a
very good thing.   

Evidently, 47 percent of parents say having a baby “just happened.”

Not surprisingly, given the increase in single gals having babies, it’s mostly women who say that when explaining how they got knocked up the first time.

The Pill just marked its 50th year, and although it and other birth control methods aren’t foolproof
and accidents do happen — really, almost half of the pregnancies “just happened”?

I think not!

Because every time you have sex, you’re basically making a baby — unless you’re doing something to prevent it, like using condoms.

Whether you think like Ann Coulter (shudder), that single moms create “criminals, strippers, rapists
and murderers,”
or not, I just can’t imagine that 47 percent of people aren’t giving the biggest decision of their live a little more thought.

I mean, do we end up driving a Lexus SUV instead of a VW Beetle because it “just happened”?

I know women who give more thought to buying a pair of jeans. Or their hair color.

I have to agree with author and Evergreen State College professor Stephanie Coontz that we can’t “(shoehorn) everyone back into marriages” because “very often kids do worse if their mother rushes into a marriage that may be unstable.”

You bet! Who needs more dysfunctional divorced parents and their troubled kids mulling around? Don’t we have enough, and I include my own somewhat troubled divorced family in that.

But, please convince me that people who view having a baby as something that “just happens” are ready to be parents. I would hope that any person, male or female, would be just a little more prepared than that. Actually, I’d hope they’d be a helluva lot more prepared than that!

So, gals, please start taking National Masturbation Month (a whole month!) to heart more than Mother’s Day; honestly, it’s just a Hallmark Day.

Yeah, you don’t get brunch and a handmade card, but you don’t get knocked up, either.

  • What do you think about 47 percent of pregnancies “just happening”?
  • How’s Masturbation Month going for you?

Photo © krasispektar –