Jan 11

Happy anniversary — maybe

Posted on Monday, January 11, 2010 in dating, Relationships, Singles

“So, when can we get together to celebrate Sara’s birthday? She said the 25th and 27th are good for her,” Mia told me.

“Let me look at my calendar,” I said as I flipped through the pages of my Filofax (yes, despite all the techno gee-gaws I surround myself with, I still keep track of my life on paper; am I a dinosaur?) “Wow, I just noticed that Sean and I met each other four years ago on the 27th.”

“Oh, well let’s shoot for the 25th.”

“Why? I can do the 27th.”

“But, aren’t you going to celebrate?”

“What, the date we met? I don’t think so.”

“Rex and I just celebrated our third year dating. We went to Spruce. It was fantastic.”

I never really thought much about it before, but Mia was making me wonder. I’m a total romantic, but I don’t think I should be making a fuss over Sean’s and my first date (as memorable as it was). Nor should I put it in the same category of my wedding anniversary — when I was married, that is.

Is there was something wrong with me?

I know some couples who keep track of their relationship as if it were a baby — month by month, aka your monthiversary. Others have anniversaries for the first date, the first vacation together, the first time they had sex, the date of “the talk” in which they decided they were exclusive, when they exchanged apartment keys, the first threesome … (but probably not the day you first farted in front of the other, which, honestly, is pretty huge!). When does a relationship actually become a relationship?

OK, well, let me amend that: it’s the women who do that. I don’t really know of a man who cares too much. The men are the ones who learn about an anniversary because she either reminds him that it’s coming up, or she tearfully reminds him that he forgot.

Seems like a no-win situation to me., because someone’s going to be pissed off and another person’s going to feel bad.

Women can’t understand why guys forget things like anniversaries. We tend to think that he doesn’t really care about us because, if he did, he wouldn’t forget. “Forgetting” important things when you’re an adult is an excuse, right — he doesn’t forget to pay the bills, walk the dog, know when the Niners are playing, etc.

But, maybe it’s the “important” part that trips guys up; maybe the six-month anniversary of when you started dating isn’t all that important to him. Should it be?

Later, when I spoke with Sean on the phone, I mentioned that we met each other four years ago. “Really? Wow, already … ” he said, and then there was a quiet pause.

“Yes, already. And Mia and I will be taking Sara out for her birthday that day.”

I could have sworn I heard a sigh of relief …