Can cougars and boy toys be happy forever?
“I feel so bad for Demi,” Sara said as we made our way up Old Railroad Grade.
“Sara, you really need to stop obsessing about Demi and Kim and Leann. When did you become such a celeb follower?”
“It’s not that! I couldn’t care less about them. I care about the broader issues.”
“Like?”
“Like can we older gals live just as happily-ever-after with boy toys as old guys with hot babes do?”
“So, you don’t think we can just because Ashton likes to have sex with other babes?” 
“Other younger babes.”
“Of course — did you expect he’d cheat with someone older than Demi? She’s 48!”
“It’s not that.”
“You’re right. It’s that he’s a cheater, and that probably doesn’t have anything to do with Demi’s age.”
Or does it?
Guys go for youth. This is not rocket science. But older women get their share of interest from younger men because we bring quite a few things to the table — experience, comfort in our own skin, and a savvy sexual appetite.
Say what you will about cougars, but it makes sense that older women should hook up with younger men. Maybe not guys 15 years younger, like Demi and Ashton, but maybe a few years — 5 or so. Why? Because men die younger than women do, and that means there are so many more widows than widowers. It means women often spend a decade or more alone when they’re old and more likely to need companionship more than ever; that’s sad!
Marrying someone younger would lessen the chance of that.
Plus, 15 years is an awfully big gap; your interests and experiences are bound to be pretty different. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean a marriage wouldn’t work — lots of people the same age with similar interests and experiences get divorced! But being just 5 years or so apart in age puts you in the same generation, anyway. And, you’d also have similar aging issues.
Maybe that’s the biggest turn off of all. The body starts to wrinkle, sag and shift, the mind starts to wander and then what? I know that stuff shouldn’t matter —after all, we don’t know what illnessnes and accidents await us at any age. But maybe starting off with a “disadvantage,” it will — eventually.
So, maybe cougars and boy toys should plan on five blissfully happy years together, and then move on. There are always more young men out there, ladies …
Does a big gap in a relationship matter in the long run?
Is marriage dead?
“This is disgusting!” Sara said as she shoved a People magazine in front of me.
“So then why do you keep reading that stupid magazine?”
“Not the magazine; I love People! I mean, the wedding.”
“You mean Kim Kardashian’s?”
“Well, duh!”
“Look, it may be bordering on obscene how much they spent on it …”
“Over the top!”
” … and it’s doubtful they’ll last a year …” 
“Oh, they’ll last longer than that. She has to have the baby bump first. Then they’ll divorce.”
” … but with everyone predicting marriage is dead, at least they don’t think so. They could have just lived together.”
“That’s not a marriage — it’s a photo op!”
I have no idea if Kim and new hubby Kris Humphries really love each other or not — and honestly, I don’t really care (although I would hope so if they’re going to have kids one day). They were smart to sign a prenup (and she makes a lot more than he does), although I’d imagine any breakup that involved a Kardashian would involve a lot of drama, prenup or not. And maybe Sara’s right; maybe it’s all for show (and media endorsements), like a reality TV show somehow got confused with reality. But everyone keeps talking about how marriage is dead and that no one needs it anymore, yet couples keep getting married — more than 2 million a year. The same it’s been for years.
We don’t have to marry anymore. People may still give look down upon divorce but it’s so common that it’s almost expected; so is cohabitation. But, just look at how gaga we get over something Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding, and Kim and Kris’.It’s like we still want to believe in the happily-ever-after part even though we know it rarely ends up that way.
So if half of those marriages end up in divorce (and many men complain about they hate paying spousal support), and who-knows-how-many are married but cheating, and choice moms are having babies with sperm donors (who needs a husband if you can just have a kid?), and more people are living together … you have to wonder why people still get married.
Can it be that we just love the idea of marriage more than the actual reality of it?
I wish Kim and Kris and anyone else who’s tying the knot the best. Hopefully, they’ve given a lot of thought into picking the right partner, especially if they hope to have kids one day. I’m quite done with marriage myself — one wedding was enough! — but I sure do like re-creating honeymoon nights …
- Is marriage irrelevant?
- Why did you get married?
- If you married again, would it be for the same reason or something else?
Photo © Angelika Bentin – Fotolia.com
Should you tell your partner everything?
Sean and I were snuggled under the covers, the blissful few moments of naked skin on naked skin before we had to get up and start our day. Despite the cozy scene, my mind was a mess; I kept thinking about the woman at the party the other night who was so sluttily hanging all over him.
She was also very blond, very busty and very pretty, so of course Sean — being a guy —was enjoying the attention. 
So I sighed.
“What?” Sean asked.
“What, what?”
“You sighed.”
“And?”
“Oh, it sounded like you were about to say something.”
This was my in, my chance to say something about the mate-poaching blonde.
Thankfully, I didn’t. There are some things you just shouldn’t tell your partner. Period.
I’m all for honesty and openness in a relationship, but some things do more damage than good.
Would I “damage” my relationship if I told Sean that I was uncomfortable about how much attention the blonde was lavishing on him, or how much he was clearly loving it? He’d probably say that I was being insecure, or jealous or making something out of nothing. And, he’d probably be right.
But you can’t— or shouldn’t — be mum about everything. How do you know what to confess and what to keep to yourself?
I think you have to decide which secrets make the relationship more loving and which come from self-interest.
How much and how often you keep mum determines whether you sink or swim as a couple.
I decided to keep us swimming.
“All I was going to say was that I love you so much,” I told Sean as we snuggled even closer.
- What do you withhold from your relationship? Why?
- Ever confess something you wish you hadn’t?
Photo © summerdays – Fotolia.com
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