Why men give better advice than women

“Which looks better with this?” I asked Sean, holding up two black shirts,  a sleeveless turtleneck and a V-neck.

“They both look good.”

“So, one doesn’t look better than the other with this skirt?”

“They’re both black, right?” he said, although I could have sworn I heard his voice tense up a bit.

I sighed, a little louder than I probably  should have.

“OK, OK, the turtleneck. Sheesh!”

“Thank you,” I said as I blew him a kiss.

And so on went the turtleneck, and off we went to a dinner party at Mia’s.

When we arrived, fashionably late, Sara sidled up next to me.

“I love that skirt: I’m so glad I talked you into buying it.”

“Me, too, but it would have been even nicer if you offered to pay for it, too,” I joked.

“You wish. But, what’s with the turtleneck? It isn’t working for me.”

“It’s working for Sean; he picked it out,” I sniffed.

“Kat, you know better than to ask a guy
what to wear.”     

She’s right, of course. Despite the fact that most uber-fashion designers are men, whenever I’ve followed a boyfriend’s fashion request in the past, I’ve typically ended up looking like some skanky Hooters waitress.

That may be OK in your 20s, but at my age?
Uh, not.

Men are good for a lot of things, but not everything. However, I often trust guys more than I trust a woman; we gals are so programmed to be “nice” that it’s often hard for us to look a girlfriend in the eyes and tell her the truth. And nice is sometimes a cover for some really not nice behavior — the bitchiness, jealousies and petty cruelties women can often resort to under the guise of being “nice.”

My girlfriends aren’t like that – they wouldn’t be my girlfriends if they were — but there are some things that I think men “get” more than women. So, when I need help, here’s what I go to them for:

• Anything mechanical — I used to think it was genetic, those “blue” jobs, until I married Rob, whose idea of fixing things was to get out the Yellow Pages and let his fingers do the walking and check-writing. I’ve gotten quite handy as have some of my girlfriends, but when the dishwasher starts making a weird grinding noise, I know who I’m going to call.
• Car maintenance — ditto.
• Beer —  I like my vodka and I like my red wine, but on a hot summer day after a long hike, a cold beer is awfully nice. But since I have beer like two or three times a year, I don’t want to waste those calories on something that tastes crappy. There are too many varieties; I need help!
• Sports — I play some sports  and I watch some sports, but I don’t know all the intricacies of the games, like ground rule triples (however, I do know how to make triffles and truffles, so perhaps it’s a toss up).
• Money matters — until women stop drooling over things like $10,000 Birkin bags and $700 Louboutins, I’m going with what the guys say (unless his name is Madoff).
• Me as a datable women — gals think like gals, so we can’t possibly see our flaws from a guy’s perspective. Guys will tell you straight up where you’re falling short. It may hurt, but it’s honest. If the goal is to be with a man, you gotta go to the source and ask, “Would you date me? Why or why not? And listen carefully.
• Handjobs — best thing a gal can do is watch her guy masturbate (it’s a very lovely sight, BTW). If he’s not your BF yet, ask — I’m pretty sure they’ve got it down from all that, you know,  practice …
• Blowjobs — Ideally, you’d be in a threesome with two hunks who are attending mostly to you, but who might want to have a little fun themselves. Not working for you? Ask; since they own the equipment, they know what feels good.
• Gynecological stuff — I’ve always had males gynos, which may seem weird because you’d think women would know their own bodies better but many of us don’t (that’s why many women don’t enjoy sex). I figure any guy who’s become a gyno did so because, like most guys, he’s really, really interested in a woman’s body and he’s trying like hell to figure it out. Women? Not so much …
• Boyfriends — I rarely ask a gal’s opinion on a guy I’m seeing because too many care about things that I don’t, like income and power, and let that influence whom they find attractive. Since guys understand guys, I going to trust them to tell me if a guy I’m interested in is the real deal or not.
• Breakups — Same thing. The gals are mostly going to point out all his faults; I want to know where I messed up!
• Sons — Sometimes The Kid absolutely confounds me; why does he do what he does? Since kids don’t come with operating instructions, I have to turn to guys to find out if I’m mommying a male member of the species properly. On the other hand, raising a boy has helped me understand men, like forget about asking them what they’re thinking about once puberty hits; sometimes it’s really nothing.
• Career advice — the worst bosses I ever had — ever — were women (see above for bitchiness, jealousy and petty cruelty remark). Plus, most women don’t know how to negotiate raises and contracts — I sure don’t, and it’s cost me plenty. When it comes to being aggressive about work, I want a guy to tell me how to do it, unapologetically.

Still, there are some things I’m just never going to ask a guy and take his advice seriously, like:

• Techie stuff — OK, they may know all about the iPad and latest Blu-ray whatever,  but too many guys love all the bells and whistles on this stuff so they can — well, I don’t know what they want to do with it! Probably watch porn. All I know is, I don’t want it, I most likely don’t need it and I’d rather not have to even think about it.
• Directions — Uh, I think this one’s obvious!
• Weight — Never, ever, ask a man about your weight. If you have to ask a guy if something makes you look fat, you either 1. have really bad body image issues and would better off going to get some pro help, or 2. are really fat. Either way, he’s going to break out into a sweat just having to think about it, let alone answer truthfully. I think most of us can figure it out without dragging the poor guys into it.
• Fashion — duh, unless you’re going for the skanky Hooters look.

Everything else, I rely on my gals.

How about you? What do you trust women for when it comes to advice, and what do you trust guys for?

Photo © kuhar – Fotolia.com