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Nov 7

Fat athletes, skinny models and sexism

Posted on Monday, November 7, 2011 in Honesty, Kat, Relationships, Self image, Women

It’s really odd for me to be inside the house on a beautiful sunny fall day, like yesterday. It’s even weirder for me to be watching TV inside the house on a beautiful sunny fall day. But the 49ers were playing, and if you know what’s been going on with the Niners, you’ll understand.  

Plus, I was snuggled up next to Sean so even if you don’t know about the Niners, if you’re a woman, you’ll totally understand.

“Wow, those guys are friggin’ huge!” I said to him, noticing the size of the defense.

“They want them big.”

“But, that’s so unhealthy! Why are they so big?”

“Because no one’s going to get past them.”

“So, the teams are OK with that?”

“There’s a controversy around it, but yes, there’s pressure to supersize.”

Supersize? Guys who are 300 pounds are beyond supersize!

It’s amazing what people will do to their body for their career.

Like models. Despite some rumblings of rejecting the use of emaciated models on the runway awhile back, most models still are ridiculously skinny.

We hear a lot from women about the insanity of super-skinny models and how that affects girls — do men feel the same pressure about their body?

There seems to be some sexism going on.

OK, most men don’t need to pack 300 pounds to do their job well. But look at the covers of some men’s magazines and you’ll see what a man “should” like — broad-shouldered, narrow-waisted, totally ripped. Evidently, these images are now causing guys as much body image problems as women have. You just don’t hear too much about it.

Why do we, men and women, freak out about how female models have to starve to make it, women who are just “doing their job,” and not male athletes, who also have to put their bodies through intense modification to be successful?

If you’re packing 300 pounds you’re stressing your heart as much as a heroin-addict-like super-skinny model — either way, it’s just not healthy. But, as they say, it’s a living.

  • Should we be as upset about what males have to do to their body to succeed as we are about women?
  • Do guys feel pressured to be perfect from the impossibly perfect images on men’s magazine covers?

 

 

Aug 15

Is it really that bad to have sex on the first date?

Posted on Monday, August 15, 2011 in dating, Kat, Men, Relationships, Sex/sexuality, Singles, Women

When I saw that my friend Dan had changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship,” I just had to give him a call. But first, I clicked on the profile of the gal he was in a relationship with. Much to my surprise, she looked nothing like I would expect him to be with, based on his former girlfriends. She’s pretty, but in a sweet girl-next-door way.

What had happened to the Dan who always fell for babes who looked like they made their living swinging naked on a pole at the local strip club?

So I called him, and yesterday we meet over some beers.

“Should I be worried about you?” I asked.

“Why? Do I look sick?”

“No. Actually, you look happy.”

“I am happy. I’m in love.”

“But she’d not your type!”     

“Who? Kat, did you …”

So of course I fessed up on my snooping.

“Katy is absolutely my type! She’s sweet and smart and a total babe. You had me pegged all wrong.”

“I had you pegged by what you usually dated — they may have been smart and maybe even sweet but they were way beyond ‘total babes’ — they were, you know, skanky.”

“Well, just like women are drawn to bad boys, we guys are drawn to sluts. We can’t help it. But, no guy wants to to be boyfriend to that. We just want to …”

“Have sex with them.”

“Bingo.”

“So a girl who gives it up on the first date?”

“Uh, probably not the bring-home-to-the parents type. But you know that.”

“But, women don’t trash a guy because he wants to have sex on the first date. We expect a guy’s going to at least try!”

“Guys aren’t woman and women aren’t guys. Thankfully.”

“So, then why do women give it up so easily and dress so trashy?”

“Kat, I think you would know that better than I.”

And he was right, I guess.

Women like to dress provocatively; I know I do. It gets attention from guys, and I like to play up my femininity. But as I age I know there’s a line between looking sexy and looking trashy; older women who try too hard to look young cross that line in a tragic way. You can get away with some trashiness when you’re 20-something, but you actually don’t have to do too much to look sexy at that age; I wish more young women understood that!

But when it comes to sex, I know why some women give it up easily — they just want to have some fun, just like guys do. I’m not going to say it’s empowering — God, I’m really beginning to hate that word! It’s just that some women don’t have any hangups about casual sex. But a whole lot more women do, and they have sex freely and easily because they’re hoping it will lead to a something, probably a relationship. Sometimes it does but not necessarily with someone we want to be with for the long haul. Even if we don’t put out on the first date, Date 3 comes along and …

But, if guys don’t particularly want to have relationships with women who dress like they’re working the street corner and who give it up too soon (and I’m not 100 percent convinced I know when “too soon” is), then why do so many women go the skanky route? If guys like the chase then shouldn’t more women who are interested in having a relationship hold out from having sex with a guy for as long as they can — or at least until they recognize the guy’s not in it just to score?

Of course, if a guy dumps a woman after sleeping with her on the first date, he probably wasn’t too serious about wanting a relationship in the first place. It shouldn’t be a deal-breaker, or should it?

  • Guys, what do you think of women who have sex on the first date?
  • Do you always try to score on Date No. 1?
  • Are skanky women lookers and not keepers?
  • Gals, do you have sex on the first date? Why or why not?
  • Do you dump a guy who tries? Do you have more respect for a guy who doesn’t try?

 

 

 Photo © dimis – Fotolia.com

Jul 11

What’s so sexy about a baby bump?

Posted on Monday, July 11, 2011 in Honesty, Kat, Men, Relationships, Self image, Women

I was at a party a few weeks after I’d given birth to The Kid, happy not to be slave to the stretchy, flowing maternity clothes I had worn for months but not quite ready to fit back into my babe outfits, either. I settled for something that didn’t scream “Maternity!!!!!” but, still, not up to my usual standards. I was in that post-pregnancy physical gray zone that, unless I was actually holding the baby, could be misconstrued to be, “Wow — she looks like she’ll be popping out a baby any day now.”

It isn’t a happy zone.

So when someone at the party asked me when I was due, I was flustered (and then somewhat depressed) — “I gave birth almost three weeks ago!” I mumbled — but nowhere near as flustered as the person who asked. No one wants to get that pregnancy vs. fat thing wrong.   

David Beckham noted how “amazing” wife Victoria looked — then nine months pregnant with their fourth child (she gave birth to a girl yesterday) — recently on his Facebook page. That is a pretty hot photo, but then again we all don’t all have a bod like Victoria’s.

But, is a baby bump all that sexy?

When women come upon a bulging belly, we love to ask all sorts of questions  — Is it your first? Do you know the sex? — and then want to share their horror stories of delivery, nipple attachment, whatever. But we generally don’t think a pregnant woman is all that hot; we just commiserate. I don’t even know if guys pay much attention, assuming it’s not their own partner, that is.

I think the sexiest thing about being pregnant is what Beckham said — that his wife looks “amazing.” The daddy-to-be loving how mom-to-be looks? Now that’s hot!

  • Are pregnant women sexy?
  • If you’re a woman, did being pregnant make you feel feminine or just fat?
  • If you’re a guy, did you like the way your partner looked when she was pregnant?