Is a threesome one person too many?
It was pure coincidence that Sean and I ran into Sara and Todd, her OKcupid date, in line to for the movies. After, we went out for drinks and we got to know him better.
I liked him. He, evidently, liked me, too.
“So, Todd thinks you’re pretty hot,” Sara told me on the phone yesterday.
“He’s cute, Sara. Don’t mess this one up!”
“Ha! Believe me; I’m trying not to! He said he thought it would pretty cool having a threesome with you.”
“A threesome? That’s funny — doesn’t he know I’ve already seen you naked?”
“Whatever, but I’m serious. I mean, I think he’s serious.” 
“Really? Now that would be weird. I don’t think I could ever look at you the same way again, Sara. Plus there’s the matter of Sean.”
“He could watch.”
“True. But …”
“Don’t worry — I don’t want to sleep with you, either. If any third person’s hopping into my bed, it will be someone who looks like Johnny Depp and has the stamina of Tiger Woods.”
I’d have to agree.
Most guys love the idea of a threesome. If one hot, naked babe in your bed sounds good, doesn’t two hot, naked babes sound even better? About every guy I’ve ever know has either mentioned a threesome as a fantasy or has done it, sometimes more than once.
Obviously some women are into threesomes, too, although I have no idea how many prefer two babes and a guy or two guys and their naked self. Not that I have any problem with women’s bodies — I think they can be beautiful (as long as they’re not Botoxed and fake boobed, or fat). I’d just rather have another man and his package attending to my, uh, needs.
But for every happy threesome I’ve heard about, there’s been at least one unhappy one — the guy was more into babe No. 2, neither gal was into each other, both gals were too into each other, etc. — and a relationship that thought it was hedonistically open-minded became a very frail version of itself.
Which begs the question — is a ménage-a-trois better as a fantasy than as a reality? Is it worth the risk?
I think it’s nice to know that having a threesome an option, same like like retiring early, traveling around the world for a year and then settling in Tahiti.
What about you?
Photo © Lourdes Tamés – Fotolia.com
How do you decide who’s a slut and who isn’t?
It’s been so hot around here that when Sean and I were out for some pre-Fourth of July festivities, I couldn’t help but notice how skimpily many women were dressed. Most had no business being almost naked, if you know what I mean, but many looked pretty hot. Others in their super-tiny skirts or shorts and barely bust-containing tank tops looked, well, skanky.
Which made me wonder — can you identify a slut by how she dresses?
And, what is a slut, anyway? 
Last month, thousands of people all over the world hit the streets for SlutWalks after a Toronto cop said if gals stopped dressing like sluts we’d avoid being raped or victimized. I guess we shouldn’t flaunt our sexuality or we’ll be asking for it.
But, do our clothes alone make us sluts? I’ve seen some pretty trashy outfits on the runways of haute couture designers, but I doubt anyone would call the models wearing them sluts, whether on the catwalks or in some trendy restaurant.
We know what makes a guy a player. He’s a guy just in it for the sex with as many women as he can seduce, isn’t honest with the women he sleeps with and probably doesn’t have healthy relationships with women in general. Unfortunately, you can’t identify a player by his outfits — except maybe back in the ’70s when the unbuttoned shirts, thick mustaches and white poly suits made most who wore them look like B-level porn stars.
But it’s harder to agree on what makes a woman a slut. Clearly clothes and how many guys she’s slept with aren’t the only markers. Maybe it’s like what Justice Potter Stewart said about porn — it’s hard to define but you just know it when you see it. But, wouldn’t you have to know a little more than that?
- How do you decide who’s a slut or not?
- If you sleep with a slut, can you still call her a slut? Wouldn’t you be one, too?
Photo © dimis – Fotolia.com
Why you can’t always get what you want — sexually
I waited until after noon on Saturday to text Sara; Friday was her third date with the OkCupid cutie she was sweet on, and so the first night she figured they’d be sleeping together.
“??!!??” I texted.
She called immediately.
“Well?”
“Well, he’s got a great bod.”
“And?” 
“And he’s, uh, endowed.”
“Nice. And?”
“He likes to go down.”
“Hallelujah and amen! And?”
“And, he’s long lasting, like really long.”
“Well, that sounds like a perfect storm!”
“Yeah, it’s just that …”
“What?”
“I’m not into marathon sex anymore. Not at midlife. Because, you know.”
(Yeah, I do know. Midlife. Women. Lubrication. Things happen. Or not.)
“So, did you say something to him?”
“You can’t talk to guys about sex. It freaks them out.”
And isn’t that the sad truth?
Not that you can talk too easily to women, either.
OK — the first date probably isn’t the time to get into it, especially since it may be sexual blip. Maybe he isn’t a marathoner after the first “conquest.” No matter; beside the fact that there’s almost always some sort of back story to sex — guilt, shame, abuse, fear, body-image isues, whatever — why is saying, “Please do this” or “That’s too hard” or “Try it there” so difficult? We often feel weird asking for what we’d like sexually, or get upset or disappointed by hearing what our partner wants — we’re not measuring up!!! — and so a lot of good sex time is being wasted because we’re not expressing our needs, gently, of course.
If you asked people whether they’d want to know exactly want their partner would like sexually, how they could please them, who among us would say they’re not interested in knowing? We all are interested. And yet, we often don’t tell or ask.
It’s important, too since most men — about 85 percent — say their partner’s had an orgasm while only 64 percent of gals say they had the Big O during their last romp. Hmmm ….
Now, if you’re clear about what you want and tell your partner, and your partner consistently doesn’t oblige, then you have another conversation. And believe me, that one is a lot harder!
- How good are you at expressing your sexual needs?
- How good are you at hearing your partner expressing his/her sexual needs?
Fotolia © Laurent Hamels
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