Why men give better advice than women
“Which looks better with this?” I asked Sean, holding up two black shirts, a sleeveless turtleneck and a V-neck.
“They both look good.”
“So, one doesn’t look better than the other with this skirt?”
“They’re both black, right?” he said, although I could have sworn I heard his voice tense up a bit.
I sighed, a little louder than I probably should have.
“OK, OK, the turtleneck. Sheesh!”
“Thank you,” I said as I blew him a kiss.
And so on went the turtleneck, and off we went to a dinner party at Mia’s.
When we arrived, fashionably late, Sara sidled up next to me.
“I love that skirt: I’m so glad I talked you into buying it.”
“Me, too, but it would have been even nicer if you offered to pay for it, too,” I joked.
“You wish. But, what’s with the turtleneck? It isn’t working for me.”
“It’s working for Sean; he picked it out,” I sniffed.
“Kat, you know better than to ask a guy
what to wear.” 
She’s right, of course. Despite the fact that most uber-fashion designers are men, whenever I’ve followed a boyfriend’s fashion request in the past, I’ve typically ended up looking like some skanky Hooters waitress.
That may be OK in your 20s, but at my age?
Uh, not.
Men are good for a lot of things, but not everything. However, I often trust guys more than I trust a woman; we gals are so programmed to be “nice” that it’s often hard for us to look a girlfriend in the eyes and tell her the truth. And nice is sometimes a cover for some really not nice behavior — the bitchiness, jealousies and petty cruelties women can often resort to under the guise of being “nice.”
My girlfriends aren’t like that – they wouldn’t be my girlfriends if they were — but there are some things that I think men “get” more than women. So, when I need help, here’s what I go to them for:
- Anything mechanical — I used to think it was genetic, those “blue” jobs, until I married Rob, whose idea of fixing things was to get out the Yellow Pages and let his fingers do the walking and check-writing. I’ve gotten quite handy as have some of my girlfriends, but when the dishwasher starts making a weird grinding noise, I know who I’m going to call.
- Car maintenance — ditto.
- Beer — I like my vodka and I like my red wine, but on a hot summer day after a long hike, a cold beer is awfully nice. But since I have beer like two or three times a year, I don’t want to waste those calories on something that tastes crappy. There are too many varieties; I need help!
- Sports — I play some sports and I watch some sports, but I don’t know all the intricacies of the games, like ground rule triples (however, I do know how to make triffles and truffles, so perhaps it’s a toss up).
- Money matters — until women stop drooling over things like $10,000 Birkin bags and $700 Louboutins, I’m going with what the guys say (unless his name is Madoff).
- Me as a datable women — gals think like gals, so we can’t possibly see our flaws from a guy’s perspective. Guys will tell you straight up where you’re falling short. It may hurt, but it’s honest. If the goal is to be with a man, you gotta go to the source and ask, “Would you date me? Why or why not? And listen carefully.
- Handjobs — best thing a gal can do is watch her guy masturbate (it’s a very lovely sight, BTW). If he’s not your BF yet, ask — I’m pretty sure they’ve got it down from all that, you know, practice …
- Blowjobs — Ideally, you’d be in a threesome with two hunks who are attending mostly to you, but who might want to have a little fun themselves. Not working for you? Ask; since they own the equipment, they know what feels good.
- Gynecological stuff — I’ve always had males gynos, which may seem weird because you’d think women would know their own bodies better but many of us don’t (that’s why many women don’t enjoy sex). I figure any guy who’s become a gyno did so because, like most guys, he’s really, really interested in a woman’s body and he’s trying like hell to figure it out. Women? Not so much …
- Boyfriends — I rarely ask a gal’s opinion on a guy I’m seeing because too many care about things that I don’t, like income and power, and let that influence whom they find attractive. Since guys understand guys, I going to trust them to tell me if a guy I’m interested in is the real deal or not.
- Breakups — Same thing. The gals are mostly going to point out all his faults; I want to know where I messed up!
- Sons — Sometimes The Kid absolutely confounds me; why does he do what he does? Since kids don’t come with operating instructions, I have to turn to guys to find out if I’m mommying a male member of the species properly. On the other hand, raising a boy has helped me understand men, like forget about asking them what they’re thinking about once puberty hits; sometimes it’s really nothing.
- Career advice — the worst bosses I ever had — ever — were women (see above for bitchiness, jealousy and petty cruelty remark). Plus, most women don’t know how to negotiate raises and contracts — I sure don’t, and it’s cost me plenty. When it comes to being aggressive about work, I want a guy to tell me how to do it, unapologetically.
Still, there are some things I’m just never going to ask a guy and take his advice seriously, like:
- Techie stuff — OK, they may know all about the iPad and latest Blu-ray whatever, but too many guys love all the bells and whistles on this stuff so they can — well, I don’t know what they want to do with it! Probably watch porn. All I know is, I don’t want it, I most likely don’t need it and I’d rather not have to even think about it.
- Directions — Uh, I think this one’s obvious!
- Weight — Never, ever, ask a man about your weight. If you have to ask a guy if something makes you look fat, you either 1. have really bad body image issues and would better off going to get some pro help, or 2. are really fat. Either way, he’s going to break out into a sweat just having to think about it, let alone answer truthfully. I think most of us can figure it out without dragging the poor guys into it.
- Fashion — duh, unless you’re going for the skanky Hooters look.
Everything else, I rely on my gals.
How about you? What do you trust women for when it comes to advice, and what do you trust guys for?
Photo © kuhar – Fotolia.com
M is for mother and masturbation
As my dog Roxy and I took a Mother’s Day hike together — her “gift” to me, I suppose — I chucked to myself that we moms get one day out of the year to ourselves while the big M — masturbation — gets a whole month.
You have to wonder who decided that and why!
Not that I’m complaining.
In fact, I’m all for it (although the poor restaurants can’t cash in much: “Mom, I’d sure like to take you to brunch, but you’re going to have to stop what you’re doing in there long enough to eat …” Nor can Hallmark, but there’s always some creative company that will.)
Beside the fact that masturbation just feels so damn good (and guys, even if you’d rather we gals “use” you instead of our vibrators and fingers, trust me: you benefit big time by it because it helps us figure out what pleases us and what doesn’t. Want us to orgasm? Let us play with ourselves!), it might also mean there are less mothers celebrating Mother’s Day.
Given the latest news from Pew, that might be a
very good thing. 
Evidently, 47 percent of parents say having a baby “just happened.”
Not surprisingly, given the increase in single gals having babies, it’s mostly women who say that when explaining how they got knocked up the first time.
The Pill just marked its 50th year, and although it and other birth control methods aren’t foolproof
and accidents do happen — really, almost half of the pregnancies “just happened”?
I think not!
Because every time you have sex, you’re basically making a baby — unless you’re doing something to prevent it, like using condoms.
Whether you think like Ann Coulter (shudder), that single moms create “criminals, strippers, rapists
and murderers,” or not, I just can’t imagine that 47 percent of people aren’t giving the biggest decision of their live a little more thought.
I mean, do we end up driving a Lexus SUV instead of a VW Beetle because it “just happened”?
I know women who give more thought to buying a pair of jeans. Or their hair color.
I have to agree with author and Evergreen State College professor Stephanie Coontz that we can’t “(shoehorn) everyone back into marriages” because “very often kids do worse if their mother rushes into a marriage that may be unstable.”
You bet! Who needs more dysfunctional divorced parents and their troubled kids mulling around? Don’t we have enough, and I include my own somewhat troubled divorced family in that.
But, please convince me that people who view having a baby as something that “just happens” are ready to be parents. I would hope that any person, male or female, would be just a little more prepared than that. Actually, I’d hope they’d be a helluva lot more prepared than that!
So, gals, please start taking National Masturbation Month (a whole month!) to heart more than Mother’s Day; honestly, it’s just a Hallmark Day.
Yeah, you don’t get brunch and a handmade card, but you don’t get knocked up, either.
- What do you think about 47 percent of pregnancies “just happening”?
- How’s Masturbation Month going for you?
Photo © krasispektar – Fotolia.com
Celibacy is the new black
“I’ve decided to be like Lady Gaga,” Sara announced as we worked up a sweat on the treadmills the other day.
“Sara, don’t. There’s nothing about parading around half-naked in ridiculous outfits and even worse hair that could be flattering for a woman your age.”
“My age?! And you are how old?”
“OK, OK — our age.”
“Agreed. But that’s not what I’m talking about.” 
“Puh-lease don’t tell me you want to start singing …”
“Of course not! But, did you hear what she said the other day? Her Gaganess said she’s OK being celibate until she has the time to meet someone she wants to sleep with. Well, that’s me.”
“That is so not you!”
“That’s the new me.”
“You’re kidding me. Weren’t you just on Match the other day? What were you looking for — a handyman?”
“Well, I’ve had a change of heart. I’m going to check out Bcelebate.”
I lost my footing and nearly flew off the treadmill. “Is that a …”
“Yes, a Web site for the abstinent-minded — like me.”
“Whatever.”
I know Sara well enough to know that those sorts of proclamations rarely last long; the last time she swore off chocolate she made it to, oh, 4 p.m.
But, there is a movement toward women being celibate — to which I say, are they crazy?
Unless they’re nuns, because, you know, that’s OK.
I’m not dissing celibacy for religious reasons, if that’s important to you. And, it’s OK if you’re trying to get your life together because you’re always falling for the bad boys or you’re newly divorced or something like that; you just can’t be emotionally healthy to enjoy sex at those times.
Even Lady Gaga’s celibacy makes some some sense: she prefers to get to know someone before she gets sexual, and she just doesn’t have time for that right now. “If you can’t get to know somebody,” she says, “you shouldn’t be having sex with them.”
You go, girl! Although I’d call that Celibate Lite, because I’m sure if someone worth going gaga over came along, she’d change her tune quickly.
But I wonder about wearing the celibacy badge as if you’re somewhat holier than those of us who say, yeah, I’m too busy to have a relationship right now, but I have a few, uh, needs. And my fingers are tired, and my batteries have run out. I just wanna get laid.
Those of us who see our sexuality as a natural expression of who and what we are. I mean, I’m all for National Masturbation Month — which May is, BTW — but I’m just celebrating in between the regular sex (and when Sean wants to watch, obviously).
It seems like a “thing” some women who aren’t getting any action have to declare as way to either justify why they aren’t getting any action or to deny their sexuality.
OK, there are lots of women (and maybe men, too) who can’t or don’t want to have sex just for the sake of sex. I respect that.
And there are plenty of times when we’re just not connecting with anyone so forget about dating, let alone a relationship and guaranteed sex. That’s just part of being single.
Then there are the people who lose interest in sex as they age. I can’t see doing that, however. Too bad the spinster is stigmatized, but then again, so is the slut.
We can still find ways to have intimacy and live sensually if not sexually (getting a massage — with a male masseuse — can fuel a gal’s fantasy or two).
But I just can’t see embracing celibacy as a “new way to be.”
Can you?
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