Get naked, just don’t get paid for it
“This totally pisses me off,” Sara said, throwing down the newspaper in disgust.
“What are you talking about?”
“Just because Jodie Fisher posed nude and did a little soft porn like 10 years ago, she’s seen as some bimbo gold-digging slut who brought
down a hot-shot CEO — as if he had
nothing to do with it.” 
“Well, he …”
“He’s married, for crap’s sake!”
“Yes, but …”
“Look, maybe she is a gold-digger. Maybe the whole sexual harassment claim is bogus. But
what does her past have to do with it? Is making porn or posing nude a crime?”
No, it’s not, at least not in the United States. As
a matter of fact, your neighbors are probably posting last night’s amateur sex tapings on the Internet right now. And your teenage daughter? She just sextexted some hottie she hopes to sit next to in AP English when school starts later this month. Or, maybe it was to the really cute teacher.
Is Fisher any better or worse than a certain recent president who tossed off his druggie past as “youthful indiscretion”? Probably not.
The difference is this — she’s attractive, she’s a woman and it has something to do with sex. That’s a deadly threesome.
I know quite a few women who have been
sexually harassed, including me. Would I have sued one of my harassers? Hey, I’d love to see justice, because some of them made things really crappy for me at work. But there was that time I had sex with a man I barely knew in a public place; and the time I wore that uber-slutty outfit when I was in college (the only age you can absolutely get away with such antics) and hoping to sleep with the lead guitarist of a band I liked; and at least one of my former boyfriends has Polaroids of me being a nasty little girl.
How likely would it be that those things would work against me?
I don’t know, but you can ask Jodie Fisher.
OK, so my “youthful indiscretions” probably never made it past someone’s now-failing memory or crumpled in a nightstand drawer. I wasn’t in a Playboy collegiate spread or a movie like “Intimate Obsession.“
Not to say that I wouldn’t if had someone asked. But, whatever …
No, I didn’t profit from my sexuality, but I’m guessing that wouldn’t get me off the hook. Ms. Fisher, who had dreams of stardom, worked her looks and bod — which all gals do to a certain extent. And it’s happening younger and younger, thanks to a hottie-obsessed society. hey, people — sex sells! But, she got paid for it, too. Maybe we just don’t like that.
We all like watching porn (well, many of us), we have pole-dancing girls nights out, we sextext naked pictures of ourselves to our sweetie yet we judge those make their living from the same things. That’s weird.
HP’s Mark Hurd leaves with $28 million. Fisher’s working at her mom’s staffing agency, in between a dry cleaner and a hair salon, in a small strip mall in New Jersey, raising her son.
But I’ll bet somewhere someone’s offering her lots of money to pose nude again. Because, we’ll want to see it!
If I had a daughter, I’d be so making sure she wasn’t posting anything sexy on Facebook or sending naked pics of herself over her cellphone. But, I have a son; I guess I have nothing to worry about.
- Why do we diss women who make a living off of their looks and bod (while hoping to them naked at the same time?
- Does someone’s sexual past matter in a sexual harassment suit?
A Kat Wilder sex tape?
“So, did you hear that what’s her face made a sex tape?” Sara said.
“Who, Miley?
“No, you know,” Sara said, hoping my middle-aged brain would know what hers obviously couldn’t remember.
“Lady Gaga?”
“No, Gaga’s celibate, remember?”
“Oh, right,” I said halfheartedly because, honestly, I have no interest in celebrities. But I tossed out every name I could think of because that’s what good friends have to do sometimes. “Lindsay? Paris? Angelina? Kate? Heidi?”
“Fishburne!” Sara said with a new-found confidence in her brain. “Montana Fishburne. Yeah, she says it helped that Kardashian girl become famous.” 
“There are, like, 500 Kardashians, and I couldn’t tell one from the other, thankfully. But, what exactly did it help her become famous at? Screwing?
“If Ashleigh made a sex tape, I’d disown her,” Sara said, skirting the issue. “What about you?”
“I would be very surprised if there was a sex tape of Trent floating out there. I don’t even think the poor kid’s gotten laid yet.”
“No, I mean you. Have you made a sex tape?”
“Me? No way! I mean, I think I haven’t.”
“Kat, I would think you’d pretty much know if you did, don’t you?”
Yeah, one would think. But with the technology nowadays, when you’re goofing around with a boyfriend, you never really know what’s going on — or where it will end up — do you?
Like the time I was over Ryan’s house, the somewhat geeky dot-com entrepreneur I dated for a while. We’d slipped into his bed and I noticed there was an eerie light coming from his bedroom closet.
“What’s that” I asked, snuggling under the covers.
“Just some things I have plugged in.”
“Oh,” I said, trying to sound cool with it; he was a techie, after all. But I couldn’t help but wonder why the closet door was slightly ajar.
So I called him on it.
“Are you filming us having sex?”
“No, why?” he said, with just a bit of huffiness in his voice.
I didn’t want to make an issue of it, so I decided to get on with the evening’s, uh, agenda.
When that relationship ended, I started seeing Van. One day, after making a lovely meal together, we got naked and made our way to his hot tub when he began to hoist his movie camera onto a tripod.
“What are you doing?”
“I thought it would be fun to watch us on the TV.”
“You’re not going to film us!”
“No, just projecting us,” he said as he kissed me with his soft lips, which just made me melt, and I didn’t think too much about it.
Until now.
Do I expect to find my naked body gyrating on the Internet for anyone to see … and for free?
Hell no!
And now I feel kind of foolish for not paying a little bit more attention — and also for not fully trusting Ryan and Van.
Not that a have a problem with porn.
Anyone who’s read this blog knows I’m no prude!
I certainly wouldn’t have any objection to making a home porn tape with my lover either, as long as the emphasis was on home, as in staying at home.
And it got destroyed if we broke up.
But having it go viral?
No thank you, even if it meant I’d be “famous.” I can think of other ways I’d seek fame.
However, when I watched that sex tape of Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain, I just couldn’t help thinking, “What a lame blow job — even I can do better than that.” (Ah, if only Colin would give me a chance!)
Hmm, maybe I’m missing my true calling …
- Have you made home porn?
- Ever worry if you’ll find it on the Internet?
Photo © Maciej Mamro – Fotolia.com
Here she comes, Miss … Cougar?
“Look,” Sara said, flipping through the pages of the paper. “Marin’s going to have it’s first Ms. Cougar Contest!”
“Oh, gross.”
“Why, aren’t you for older women shagging young dudes?”
“Of course I am! As often as possible.”
“So?”
“It’s just so stupid to make it a “thing,” give it a name and go on display.”
“It’s no different than Miss America or Miss Universe, is it?”
Yeah, it is, actually. I’m no fan of beauty pageants, but at least they get a scholarship out of it and maybe even a sex tape or a spread in Playboy.
What do you get for being Miss Cougar USA, or Miss Cougar America or, now, Miss Cougar Marin? A free berth on a cougar cruise and
really, really embarrassing pictures in your
local newspaper. 
Not to mention all the snide remarks.
And while Miss Americas may go around
doing charity work, Miss Cougars are probably performing ever so slightly different charity work.
Gloria Navarro, 42, the first Miss Cougar America, wasn’t off the mark when she said:
“I believe every woman has a cougar in them, someone who doesn’t need a man for
anything other than companionship.”
But, is that what a cougar is about?
And, does a woman who feels like that have
to have a name, other than, well, woman?
I really don’t want to obsess about the word “cougar” (although I’m a woman and we obsess about way too many things). But it bothers me.
I’m not quite sure why, beyond the fact that labels in general are silly.
Do I believe in the older women-younger guy thing? Sure.
Do I believe that women should have NSA sex? If that’s what they want, sure.
Do I believe that women should have a life of their own, independent of men? Yes!
Do I believe women should “know what they want, and know how to get it?” Uh, doh.
But, do we have to have a label to do that, and have stupid conventions and cruises and contests to live whatever life we choose?
I sure hope not. Do guys do that? (well, I think there are PUA conventions, actually, but it’s not like the guys are on stage strutting and gals are drooling on the sidelines, waiting to buy some guy a drink with a name like a Screaming Orgasm (wink-wink) and take him back to their hotel room).
Maybe it’s me. I’m not into the pageantry thing; I never wanted to be the prom queen, either. But at least you talk about that proudly to the grandkiddies one day.
- Regardless of what you think of cougars, the label, versus cougar, the “sexually liberated” woman, what do you think about contrived ways to get older women and younger men together?
- Would you feel differently if there were “events” to gather together older men and younger babes?
- OK, yeah — what do you think about the label “cougar”?
photo © Nathalie P – Fotolia.com
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