Ready for an erotic vacation?
“I have the perfect vacation for us!” Sara said as she burst into my front door before we took a (cold!) ride over Mount Tam.
“Oh really? The last ‘perfect’ vacation you had for us I was left alone for pretty much the whole weekend while you had crazy sex all over Austin with that hottie you met the night we arrived. Remember?” 
“Oh, Kat — he was so cute, and you know I was desperate for sex back then. It had been, like, months!”
“Whatever.”
“OK, OK. This won’t be like that, I promise.”
“So, what do you have in mind?”
“Hedonism II.”
“The erotic resort? You’re kidding me!”
“No, it will be awesome. People interested in sensual things. All sorts of sexy activities. Decadence and debauchery. Naked people — think!”
I was thinking. And my thought was, no way! I’m hardly a prude but it’s just that erotic destination getaways seem so, I don’t know — calculated. Showing up at a music club in Austin, spontaneously meeting someone cute and having fantastic sex for the weekend seems so much better. If you can swing it, that is.
But maybe you can’t. Maybe Sara was just lucky that time. Maybe it isn’t all that easy to meet someone for fun (unless you’re going to go on Craiglist’s “casual encounters” once you get to town). Maybe it’s better to vacation at a place that’s custom-made to find you a lover — or at least the potential for one — for a few days if that’s where your head is at. (Although I have to imagine that there have to be some less-than-satisfied customers at exotic hot spots; since you’re still you wherever you go, if you have a hard time attracting people in your everyday life, you may not have much luck at an adults-only resort, either!)
Back in the ’80s, Club Med was the “it” place if you were a swinging single. Since the late ’90s, it’s become into a family destination. Makes sense; if you were a swinging single back in the ’80s, you most likely have been towing a few kids by now. Of course, that’s exactly when you may need an erotic vacation!
I can’t say adults-only resorts are good or bad because I’ve never been. And, I’m never going to go; I can’t see Sean and me packing up for four-days-three-nights at some place where the pressure is on to be romantic. What if we just want to sleep?
A former boyfriend once booked us a room at a hotel with a round bed and mirrors on the ceiling — I burst out laughing when we walked in the room. (You’ll notice I said “former” boyfriend …)
But, if you’re single and looking to score — or at least have some sensual fun — is an adults-only resort a good idea?
- Would you ever go to an adults-only resort?
- Why or why not?
- Have you ever been to an adults-only resort?
- As a single or a couple?
- And … ????
Photo © Nathalie P – Fotolia.com
Have you lost interest in sex?
Sara looked annoyed when we met early for a hike yesterday morning.
“What’s with you Ms. Sour Pus? I believe I’m the one who got out of bed that had a lovely naked man in it so we can hike.”
“The month’s almost over …”
“I know! Where does the time go? It’s, like, almost summer.”
“… and I barely hit my quota.”
“Quota? At work? What are you talking about, girlfriend?”
“I know that, but I didn’t realize we had to jack off a certain amount before the month ends.”
“You don’t; I do.” 
“You’re not making sense.”
“I made a promise to myself that I’d masturbate at least four times a week this month because, well, because I just haven’t been feeling it lately.”
“Uh, what exactly aren’t you feeling?”
“Sexual. I’m just not that interested in sex anymore, and it’s freaking me out.”
Yeah, I’d be freaked out, too! No interest in sex, especially if you’re not married — not that being married should make you less horny but familiarity after 10, 15, 20 years does tend to put a damper on things. But for a single woman — an actively dating single woman — to lose her sex drive? What’s that about?
I’m sure men lose their sex drive, too, from time to time, although there appears to be a rash of men who are masturbating too much (which in a way could be good because it takes the pressure off of all those women like Sara who might need some sexual readjustment time). Still, a lot of women lose interest in sex for good around menopause, in part because our hormones change and it’s like fighting biology.
Of course feeling sexual isn’t just about wanting to have sex — it’s fantasizing and thinking sexually even if you don’t intend to act on it. And, for women, desire is so intertwined with intimacy — something single people don’t always have.
But to totally lose interest in sex — the best free entertainment/stress-reliever/intimacy-builder around — is scary!
- Have you ever lost your sex drive?
- How’d you get your sexual mojo back?
- Or, have you given up on sex?
Photo © painless – Fotolia.com
Should you live together if you have kids?
Sara, her new beau, and Sean and I had gone out to Rancho Nicasio to hear some music, eat and dance.
At one point I caught Sara watching Sean and me in a slow dance out of the corner of my eye.
“You guys are so cute together,” she whispered to me later at the table, when Sean went to the restroom. “When are you going to move in together?”
Good question, because I’m not sure we’re ever going to move in together. But certainly not now.
“I don’t know, Sara; not before The Kid’s out of the house. Plus, his kid’s at home, too, remember.”
“Oh, kids, schmids —That’s so old-fashioned. They know you two are sleeping together, right? So, what’s the difference?”
It seems like a pretty big difference to me. Living together when you’ve got kids is sending the wrong message — that marriage doesn’t matter. 
I know, I know — I’m divorced. If marriage really mattered to me …
No one goes into marriage expecting to divorce. But, marriage does matter, if you’re planning to have kids.
Marriage is under attack lately, perhaps rightly so given the insane expectations people place on it. Fewer people than ever before think it’s necessary. Let’s face it, marriage certainly isn’t for everyone. And people often get married for all the wrong reasons, and sometimes couples marry because they’ve been living together for a while and it seems like the next logical thing to do.
Often, it isn’t.
Couples who live together before marrying tend to argue more and communicate less. If they eventually marry, they divorce more often than those who don’t. Plus, they get fat, and that alone is reason to make me say, no way!
But it you’re going to have kids, it makes no sense to live together without getting married first. Shacking up is marriage lite, with all the daily annoyances and relatively predictable roles of marriage without the commitment. And if you think it’s any easier to split if things aren’t going great, well, just look at Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry.
Scary.
And once you have kids — who’ve gone through the trauma of a divorce — it’s all the more reason to tread very carefully on mixing families. Yes, it sure would be nice to go to sleep and wake up next to Sean more often, and to feel more like a family (although we sure do like our “space”). But I’m aware of the message we’d be sending our kids, and it isn’t the message I want to send.
There are like 5 million or so couples shacking up nowadays, and a lot of them are probably like Sean and me — single moms and dads. So I’m pretty sure we’re the minority. But, I’m OK with that. Plus, there’s none of the real or pseudo “step” or “half” things going on — stepmom, stepdad, half-brother, etc. Or worse — “mom’s live-in lover.”
I’ll bet that’s why we’re still so cute together after all these years.
- Is it OK to live together if you and/or your boy/girlfriend have kids?
- Do you think it’s any easier to split if you’re living together with kids than if you were married?
- Did you live with a parent’s boy/girlfriend? How’d that work out?
Photo © Gorilla – Fotolia.com
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