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Jan 12

Has Kat turned on, tuned in or dropped out?

Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2012 in Happiness, Honesty, Kat, Relationships

Remember that saying, “Turn on, tune in, drop out”? No? OK, well, you obviously aren’t as old as I am! It’s what the hippies used to say, thanks to Timothy Leary, when they were looking for an excuse to smoke dope reach enlightenment and detach from commitments. 

Don’t worry — I’m not smoking dope (well, maybe an extra glass or two of zin), but I have been detaching from some commitments, thus my lack of an appearance here for the past few weeks, as you’ve probably noticed.

I wish I could say some sort of enlightenment has been reached, but no, not yet. I’m working on it though! Enlightenment is harder than it seems.

Luckily it’s a new year, and while I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions, I have made a promise to be a better Kat than I have been (no, not that way; I’ll still be a naughty kitty!), meaning I hope to write more inspired blogs. I feel like I’ve hit a dead-end of sorts. You’ve probably noticed. But you’ve been kind enough to let it slide — thank you.

So, if you can bear with me while I get closer to that enlightenment, I’d greatly appreciate it.

(Although, perhaps I should reconsider that dope …)

But, enough about me — how’s your new year going?

 

 

Nov 29

Where to meet men

Posted on Tuesday, November 29, 2011 in dating, Happiness, Kat, Relationships, Singles

We found ourselves at the mall, Sara, Mia and me, on Black Friday after all, despite my protestations. Actually, just one store in the mall, the Apple Store, because Mia needed a new power cord for her laptop.

The place was packed (Why? I have no idea; it’s not like Apple offers any Black Friday deals at 4 a.m.), but better yet, it was packed with men. 

“Wow,” Mia exclaimed, ogling the eye candy who were checking out the iPads and iPhones. “Where did all these guys come from?”

“Not around here, that’s for sure,” Sara said, “otherwise I’m sure I would have seen most of them naked at some point.”

Mia and I rolled our eyes.

“This place is better than any speed dating event I went to,” she continued.

“Or bar,” Mia said.

“Or online dating site,” I chimed in.

Could Apple stores be the “new bar” when it comes to meeting people?

I don’t know; it would be a bit creepy to walk up to someone and ask about their ram needs. Personally, I have many, but thankfully Sean is quite generous when it comes to that. Plus, at a bar someone from the other end can buy you a drink (or vice versa); you’re not likely to get a new iPhone from someone a table or two away in an Apple store although, hey, that could be cool.

But, it’s as good a place as any to meet someone, right? It’s where Robin Williams met his latest bride (No. 3), so it can’t be all that bad, right?

Lots of people hate the bar scene: “You can’t meet anyone good there.” I’m not so sure of that. I did — OK, twice, but still. Online dating sites? Same complaint: “I’ve seen him on this site for years. Playah!” OK, but maybe he was in a long-term relationship and broke up … just at the same time your relationship ended and you’re back online (and he’s thinking, “I’ve seen her on this site for years. Playah!”)

Honestly, I don’t where to “go” to meet someone. I think you just have to live your life and not hole up in your pad with a Snuggie , a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, Netflix and the remote. It doesn’t make a difference where or how you meet someone as long as you meet someone.

Generally, it starts with a smile and a hello.

The bigger issue, of course, is how to make things work after the smile, hello and first date. Hey — do they have an app for that yet?

  • Where’s the most unusual place you met someone?
  • Where do you “go” to meet potential romantic partners?
  • What’s harder/more enjoyable — meeting people or the first date?

 

 

Oct 31

I am woman, hear me ask for help

Posted on Monday, October 31, 2011 in Advice, Happiness, Honesty, Kat, Men, Relationships, Self image, Women

I was in line at the supermarket when a 30-something woman talking on her cellphone wheeled up behind me; I could hear everything she was saying. She was talking about a breakup, or at least it had all the hallmarks of a specific kind of breakup — she was guessing, second-guessing, making excuses, sounding hopeful and teary-eyed all at once.

It was a “He’s Just Not That Into You” Moment if I ever heard one. And a uniquely gal moment.    

I tried to focus my attention on the magazines at the checkout stand, but those were even more depressing — Cosmo wants to boost my confidence and clue me in on guys’ top sex secrets, O magazine wants to tell me how to try my true calling and how to be beautiful.

I know women can’t be the only ones who have self-doubts, but I don’t think guys obsess about it as much as we do — nor do they have such of barrage of messages coming from all sorts of media. I mean, would a guy ever pick up a book like “Why She Disappeared?” Yet, we have “Why He Disappeared” (written by Evan Marc Katz, whom I admire. Hey, I’ll take relationship advice from a guy over a woman any day!).

Are women innately more insecure than men are? Or, do we seek self-awareness more than men do?

Not to say that men don’t look at themselves and their relationships critically; I’m sure they do. And there’s advice for men out there, too, otherwise you wouldn’t see the thriving PUA movement.

It’s just that most of the self-help and relationship books are geared toward women and we’re scooping them up are like crazy. Would all those “Mars and Venus” books and seminars be around if it weren’t for women? Would Oprah and Dr. Phil be who they are without women? Not a chance!

I don’t think it’s because we’re insecure; I think it’s because women blame ourselves when things go wrong and look to others to help us, while guys try to fix things themselves.

So how can we, uh, fix this? (No, I’m not asking for your advice!) I think we need to teach our daughters to be less other-directed, stop blaming ourselves and give them the knowledge to figure things out for themselves first before looking for help. And we need to teach our sons that there’s nothing unmanly about asking others for help and to create safe places for them to express their emotional vulnerabilities.

OK, now I am asking for your advice:

  • Why do women blame themselves so much?
  • Why would men rather go it alone than ask for help?