Have you lost interest in sex?
Sara looked annoyed when we met early for a hike yesterday morning.
“What’s with you Ms. Sour Pus? I believe I’m the one who got out of bed that had a lovely naked man in it so we can hike.”
“The month’s almost over …”
“I know! Where does the time go? It’s, like, almost summer.”
“… and I barely hit my quota.”
“Quota? At work? What are you talking about, girlfriend?”
“I know that, but I didn’t realize we had to jack off a certain amount before the month ends.”
“You don’t; I do.” 
“You’re not making sense.”
“I made a promise to myself that I’d masturbate at least four times a week this month because, well, because I just haven’t been feeling it lately.”
“Uh, what exactly aren’t you feeling?”
“Sexual. I’m just not that interested in sex anymore, and it’s freaking me out.”
Yeah, I’d be freaked out, too! No interest in sex, especially if you’re not married — not that being married should make you less horny but familiarity after 10, 15, 20 years does tend to put a damper on things. But for a single woman — an actively dating single woman — to lose her sex drive? What’s that about?
I’m sure men lose their sex drive, too, from time to time, although there appears to be a rash of men who are masturbating too much (which in a way could be good because it takes the pressure off of all those women like Sara who might need some sexual readjustment time). Still, a lot of women lose interest in sex for good around menopause, in part because our hormones change and it’s like fighting biology.
Of course feeling sexual isn’t just about wanting to have sex — it’s fantasizing and thinking sexually even if you don’t intend to act on it. And, for women, desire is so intertwined with intimacy — something single people don’t always have.
But to totally lose interest in sex — the best free entertainment/stress-reliever/intimacy-builder around — is scary!
- Have you ever lost your sex drive?
- How’d you get your sexual mojo back?
- Or, have you given up on sex?
Photo © painless – Fotolia.com
Why you might want to date someone your age
My friend Patty, a 61-year-old divorcee, has a dilemma — a younger person is lusting after her. Younger meaning 52. OK, it’s a dilemma many of us middle-aged divorcees might kill for, but she’s concerned. And so she’s said, “No!”
What’s wrong with this scene? Right – nothing! Well, nothing as far as you and I and maybe hundreds (thousands? millions?) of others can see; what can possibly be wrong with a 52-year-old wanting to be in a relationship — yes, it’s not just about casual sex — with a woman nine years older? 
Patty’s not a cougar; in fact, she’s not the one pursuing (although people throw the “C” word around quite casually nowadays. All you have to do to be called a cougar is be 35-plus and single; not fair!). She really does want to date in her age group, give r take five years either way.
Plus nine years at midlife isn’t such a big deal.
Or is it? As she says:
“I don’t want to date someone younger because when I’m all wrinkled and sagging, I’ll be dumped and then where will I be? I’ll be older and less attractive, and it will be too late for me to find someone new.”
She may have a point. As I get older and the wrinkles and sags make their presence known, I know all too well how the slide from “She’s hot” to “She’s not” sucks. But, that’s if you’re still single and in the dating world, when just getting a guy to notice you is harder, let alone having him want to actually talk to you and discover your irresistible charm and wit, and then want to see you naked and do lovely nasty things to you.
If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, wrinkles and sags shouldn’t even matter anymore — because your partner’s probably right there with you!
Unless, of course, your partner’s nine years younger. Then you have a huge jump on the aging thing.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who’d start looking at me differently — or start looking at other, younger, women, differently! — as I started to wrinkle and sag. If you’re doing to be in a relationship with someone much older, wrinkles and sags are to be expected!
But, maybe that’s something to consider before you get into a relationship with someone older. You can be picky about who you’re with, but if you start to lose interest in someone older than you because he or she is aging, that does make you seem shallow.
So is Patty smart to reject her young suitor (who’s a woman, by the way)? Or is she denying herself the potential of a loving partner?
Would you cheat on a hot woman?
“It just blows me away,” Sara said as we sat in her kitchen, mud packs on our faces,
“What blows you away?”
“That Tony could cheat on Eva. She’s gorgeous!”
“Being gorgeous has nothing to do with cheating, as you know. Remember, Rob cheated on me.”
I waited for her to get my joke, but she was too engrossed in her People magazine; we include trashy mags when we have our monthly DIY Facial Saturday just to get the full spa effect.
“Anyway, are you saying that it’s somehow
OK if someone cheats on a woman who’s
less than hot?” 
“No, of course not! It’s just that, I don’t get it.”
I don’t get it either, except I get this: it doesn’t matter how hot a woman is — and I would
guess that many men would put Eva Longoria
in the hot category. All relationships have
their troubles, and not everyone can handle them well.
And that’s when affairs can happen — if you
can call sexting cheating, which is all the San Antonio Spurs guard claims he did.
OK, well, whatever …
But it’s funny that we find affairs confounding when they happen to hot women — not only
Eva but Elizabeth Hurley and Shania Twain and Sandra Bullock and … The list goes on and on. Guess it makes us think, Well, if a guy could cheat on someone who looks like she does …
And then we start to worry; what hope can we Plain Janes possibly have?
Which, of course, fuels our fears about our looks, our weight, our wrinkles, our age …
when we really should looking at what kind of woman are we and how we treat our man. And, of course, if we’re a woman who loves sex (because most men do!). Because if we’re not giving it to him, happily and often …
But, shouldn’t we be just as upset if a man cheats on a Plain Jane? (and maybe even especially so in the case of someone like, say, Elizabeth Edwards — the woman had cancer, for God’s sake!)
When you think about it, why do we think being “hot” somehow magically turns our partner into someone who’ll be honest and faithful? Or that it makes for a loving, grounded sexual woman?
I don’t. Do you?
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