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Can cougars and boy toys be happy forever?

Posted on Monday, October 3, 2011 in Aging, Happiness, Kat, love, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Women

“I feel so bad for Demi,” Sara said as we made our way up Old Railroad Grade.

“Sara, you really need to stop obsessing about Demi and Kim and Leann. When did you become such a celeb follower?”

“It’s not that! I couldn’t care less about them. I care about the broader issues.”


“Like can we older gals live just as happily-ever-after with boy toys as old guys with hot babes do?”

“So, you don’t think we can just because Ashton likes to have sex with other babes?” 

“Other younger babes.”

“Of course — did you expect he’d cheat with someone older than Demi? She’s 48!”

“It’s not that.”

“You’re right. It’s that he’s a cheater, and that probably doesn’t have anything to do with Demi’s age.”

Or does it?

Guys go for youth. This is not rocket science. But older women get their share of interest from younger men because we bring quite a few things to the table — experience, comfort in our own skin, and a savvy sexual appetite.

Say what you will about cougars, but it makes sense that older women should hook up with younger men. Maybe not guys 15 years younger, like Demi and Ashton, but maybe a few years — 5 or so. Why? Because men die younger than women do, and that means there are so many more widows than widowers. It means women often spend a decade or more alone when they’re old and more likely to need companionship more than ever; that’s sad!

Marrying someone younger would lessen the chance of that.

Plus, 15 years is an awfully big gap; your interests and experiences are bound to be pretty different. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean a marriage wouldn’t work — lots of people the same age with similar interests and experiences get divorced! But being just 5 years or so apart in age puts you in the same generation, anyway. And, you’d also have similar aging issues.

Maybe that’s the biggest turn off of all. The body starts to wrinkle, sag and shift, the mind starts to wander and then what? I know that stuff shouldn’t matter —after all, we don’t know what illnessnes and accidents await us at any age. But maybe starting off with a “disadvantage,” it will — eventually.

So, maybe cougars and boy toys should plan on five blissfully happy years together, and then move on. There are always more young men out there, ladies …

Does a big gap in a relationship matter in the long run?



Bring on the comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Can a #cougar #marriage last? Ask #Demi and #Ashton.

  2. Ruth says:

    I don’t believe in huge age differences – no matter who is the older party. My partner and I have a 4 year difference (I am older). I think a max of 5,6 years is ok either way. Anymore than that and the place you are at in life is completely different and it would be hard to build a healthy long term relationship like that.

  3. Kat Wilder says:

    Ruth — I’d have trouble sleeping with someone just a few years older than my kid, but I’d have even worse trouble sleeping with someone as old as my dad!

  4. The Observer says:

    Lots of elements to consider in age differences. I took a online survey from WebMD and it turns out that older women orgasm more frequently with men other than their usual partner–from studies of women out of relationships due to divorce or death. So I’d judge that a Cougar, MILF or a Mature (I apologize for the pornlike descriptors) would be mostly into younger men for the sex experience vs. a deep emotional and spiritual connection. Mostly.

    I invoke, also, the standard “…it depends” since each of us (and them) is an individual with individual needs and experiences, preferences, turn-ons and turn-offs.

    I personally find older women extremely sexy and would not have any hesitation (were I not already partnered-up)to date, bed and/or wed an older woman. How much older? That depends. In my teens a memorable hook-up was with a woman ten years older. In my maturity I am not prepared to judge a range that I would find acceptable.

    So, Kat, is Sean younger? The lucky devil. Cheers!

  5. Kat Wilder says:

    TO — So you are one of the few guys who think post-menopausal women are into sex? Yay! You’re right. I’m not sure we skew younger just for sex, but it is part of the package. Many midlife men don’t have the energy that some midlife women have. That’s not a universal statement, just my experience.

    As for Sean — yeah, a little younger. I’m a lucky devil, too! 😉