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Should you tell your partner everything?

Posted on Monday, June 13, 2011 in Advice, Happiness, Honesty, Kat, Relationships

Sean and I were snuggled under the covers, the blissful few moments of naked skin on naked skin before we had to get up and start our day. Despite the cozy scene, my mind was a mess; I kept thinking about the woman at the party the other night who was so sluttily hanging all over him.

She was also very blond, very busty and very pretty, so of course Sean — being a guy —was enjoying the attention.   

So I sighed.

“What?” Sean asked.

“What, what?”

“You sighed.”

“And?”

“Oh, it sounded like you were about to say something.”

This was my in, my chance to say something about the mate-poaching blonde.

Thankfully, I didn’t. There are some things you just shouldn’t tell your partner. Period.

I’m all for honesty and openness in a relationship, but some things do more damage than good.

Would I “damage” my relationship if I told Sean that I was uncomfortable about how much attention the blonde was lavishing on him, or how much he was clearly loving it?  He’d probably say that I was being insecure, or jealous or making something out of nothing. And, he’d probably be right.

But you can’t— or shouldn’t — be mum about everything. How do you know what to confess and what to keep to yourself?

I think you have to decide which secrets make the relationship more loving and which come from self-interest.

How much and how often you keep mum determines whether you sink or swim as a couple.

I decided to keep us swimming.

“All I was going to say was that I love you so much,” I told Sean as we snuggled even closer.

  • What do you withhold from your relationship? Why?
  • Ever confess something you wish you hadn’t?

Photo © summerdays – Fotolia.com

 

 

 

 

Bring on the comments

  1. A dude says:

    In my house it would have gone like this:

    mrs dude: “You look like you were enjoying *your*self last night with that blonde!”

    a dude: “Which one- the one with the large breasts and gorgeous legs? I didn’t even notice she was blonde!”

    mrs dude: kicks me in the shin uder the covers

    This would have been better than letting it fester. But I suppose there are some things better left unsaid.

  2. Edgar says:

    I think Mr. Dude hits it spot-on. After all, was Sean in bed with Ms. Busty Blonde, or was it with Kat the MILF? In my young and wild days as a bartender, I used to work with a great-looking guy who was always getting the attention of the hottest babes (and not doing his share of slinging drinks, I gotta say.) His rather self-assured girlfriend always liked to tell him that she didn’t care where he got his appetite, as long as he came home to eat. I hope that Sean always dines at your jewel palace!

  3. The Observer says:

    By itself, this failure to communicate your feeling of fear and sadness(envy not being an emotion in my book)to your snuggle-bunny regarding this obviously upsetting event is not so bad–by itself. As A Dude and Edgar relate, there usually is punishment (female meted out to male) involved in these situations–either immediate or later, yet, you “gotta love the one your with…” as in, who you go home with seems valid, too.

    But if there were a number of similar events with your man-toy involving other femme fatales, these recurring events would build up until you spontaneously took Sean apart on another occasion over some totally unrelated event. Result: man totally confused about why you are mad, woman totally pissed off because man is displaying insensitivity and not respecting boundaries and feelings. Did I make it clear I think stuffing your reaction down under the emotional carpet does not create a bridge of trust and understanding between Sean and his Kitten? I could see you, should this occur again, saunter over, take Sean’s arm in yours, kiss him on the ear, smile disingenuously and say to Blondie “I’m sorry, Sean and I have some business to attend to elsewhere, please excuse us…” When he wispers to you, after you’ve crossed the room, ensemble, “Kitten, what was that all about?” You tell him, “I was afraid she was about to bite you–she so resembles that actress in that vampire movie.” He will chew on that, realizing HE has done something you disapprove of and dollars to donuts he’ll change his behavior–or at least bring this up on the way home–your opening to express your feelings. Your experience may vary. But the old “re-direct” might be a good solution. I don’t think covering up your discomfort with “I love you” is genuine. You didn’t love the event you witnessed and you didn’t take any corrective action–and aren’t you still pissed at him? Now, how’s that for overthinking? Or do I have a point? Oh,”jewel palace?” is there some vajazzling going on I don’t know about? Cheers.

  4. Edgar says:

    I missed the correct reference in the Kama Sutra – it’s worshipping at her jewel terrace.

    And I think the Observer makes a good point – if this busty blonde was being a bit too over the top at the party, then it’s perfectly within your prerogative to go over and pee on your territory, Kat. In a subtle way, of course – such as going over to Sean at the party and stroking his back and introducing yourself to the Blonde. Sean’s reaction at that point may give you a good indication of his feelings – if he is warm and affectionate with you and includes you in the conversation, then you know she’s no threat. If he’s cold and distant, then you do have reason to be concerned.

  5. Kat Wilder says:

    Dude — Sounds like that Mrs. Dude is a keeper!

    TO — That’s a creative way to approach it, redirecting. Of course, I’m very practiced from years of mothering. And, yes, there must be some vajazzling going on. 😉

    Edgar — Pee on my territory? Gosh, I almost hope this scenario happens again soon so I can, er, release my true Kat-ness!