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He’s jobless — do you date him?

Posted on Monday, December 13, 2010 in dating, Happiness, Men, Relationships, Singles, Women

At first it seemed like the holiday party Sara and I went to Saturday night was going to be like most of the other ones we’d been to; either too many couples who wanted to talk about their kids (and the handful of hubbies who’d hit on you anyway) or one hot guy and eight fake-boobed babes hanging all over him, or a few single guys who, sadly, were either overweight Bud-swilling jocks, players or bores. So we were prepared for the usual when in walked Mr. Adorable.

“Ooh, let’s get a good spot to watch the babes cling to him like flypaper,” Sara said, popping two garlic-stuffed olives in her mouth.

“OK, but I do have to say that you just took yourself out of the running.”

She rolled her eyes and stuck out her pungent tongue at me as we looked at Mr. Adorable to see who’d approach him first; you could feel the estrogen energy buzzing all around the festive fresh greens-draped room.

So I was totally  surprised when I came out of the bathroom about 15 minutes later and saw Sara and Mr. Adorable getting along quite nicely. In fact, I didn’t get a chance to talk to her all night until we walked to her car to head home.

“All right, missy, what’s his story?”

“He’s a totally cool guy. And so cute!”

“Yeah, I noticed the cute. So did every other woman in the room. So?”

“So I like him and he     likes me I guess
because he asked for
my number and wants
to get together. But, I don’t know …”

“What do you mean,
you don’t know? He’s cute, he’s cool and he’s into you even though
you were popping garlic olives all night long; are you feeling OK?”

“He’s unemployed.”

“So?”

“So, he’s been unemployed
for a year and he’s 54 the chance of him finding a job are almost impossible.”

“But, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Kat, I can barely afford to keep myself afloat — why would I want to get involved with someone who’ll be unable to contribute, even if we go 50-50?”

Sara had a point I guess.

As if dating as a middle-aged parent isn’t hard enough, the recession has been yet another big buzz kill for the dating scene.

How can you even focus on dating when you’re stressed out over losing a job and trying to find a new one?

I know women get a bad rap for only wanting to be with men who make the big bucks. OK, many woman are like that. But, we don’t care about those kind of women, right? There are always women who date and marry artists, actors, writers, teachers — people who don’t make a lot of money and who may never make a lot of money.

So, what’s the difference? Especially if we gals are working, not looking to make babies and already have a place we call home.

Well, enlightened society or not, we still believe men should be bringing home the bacon and a guy in a low-paid job is still employed; an unemployed guy is, well, unemployed. And in this economy, that may mean more than it used to in the past, when you could find anew job relatively quickly.

It isn’t fair, really, because I’m not sure guys feel the same way about unemployed women; guys probably think an unemployed woman’s totally dateable, especially if they’re hotties. They might, however, feel differently if a woman lives a lifestyle a la Carrie Bradshaw but doesn’t make much money; in other words, a shopaholic with huge debt and bad credit ratings.

Until the economy turns around, singles are going to be struggling with this so we might have to rethink who’s dateable and who isn’t. If nothing else, an unemployed guy has lots of time to think about, call and be with you!

  • Would you date an unemployed man?
  • An unemployed woman?
  • If you’re unemployed, how do you talk about that on a date? Or, do you even bother?

Photo © aldegonde le compte – Fotolia.com

Bring on the comments

  1. brian says:

    for a guy i don’t see this as a problem at all since i would usually end up paying in any case
    and if a lady is nice enough to want to reciprocate then home cooking is nice

    there are so many cheap date options
    coffee
    happy hours
    bike rides
    if you have a gym/museum membership can you bring a guest?

    sounds like sara is all ready and too focused on marching him down the isle

  2. Honey
    Twitter: honeyandlance
    says:

    “Unemployed” can mean many things including that he has his own business on the side or that he has a substantial emergency fund. So I’d say just knowing they don’t have a regular 8-5 doesn’t give you enough info.

    FWIW, I’m actively encouraging my boyfriend to quit his job because it makes him so miserable.

  3. KC says:

    Hi Kat, Have missed you!
    I went to a party this weekend and I couldn’t believe all of the people that were complaining about work… it seems a LOT of people are unemployed! It’s hitting home her too… the people I work with aren’t getting the jobs, the people they work for don’t have money to DO the jobs that need to be done and it’s trickling down to us laymen….
    When the stock market crashed I had to tell my EX wife that we needed to cut back… well, I divorced….. it’s hitting everyone… so I say,, DATE, Have SEX and get by… what else is there to do …

    Happy Holiday’s~
    KC

  4. The Observer says:

    How many times does “women need security” hit us over the head? This more than “sort of” pounds that nail deeper. And given the biologic imperative to provide for offspring, that makes perfect sense. But to assume a dude isn’t a hunter/provider just because he’s “of a certain age” and didn’t bring along his latest hunting trophy is short sighted. Sara’s insecurities are pretty obvious. Maybe he’s better off without her baggage, too. I vote that its impossible to make rules for this scenario–“it depends” on a number of other circumstances. I’m married to a non-employed lady but I’m not kicking her to the curb because of that. And I’m entirely self-employed. I think that his honesty about his employment situation is a top “flag” for the side of “do-able”. Eh?

  5. T
    Twitter: tsquest
    says:

    This whole financial thing is something I need to blog about. Like soon.

    I have too many thoughts about it to put here. Too much baggage too.

    Very timely post, Kat.

  6. Steve says:

    I don’t even bother to try to meet new women when I am not working just because I know what the prevailing prejudices are….rare exceptions notwithstanding.

  7. Steve says:

    The big question is why someone is unemployed. I grew up in a liberal setting in the 70s and 80s. Women who don’t work seem to be taking a blank check on life to me.

    I have a friend who keeps in great shape, dresses well and is fun to talk to but I wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot poll.

    She has spent most of her adult life expecting things from her parents or having her husband support her completely, while she stayed at home, without children.

    I don’t want someone who is a total dependent in my life, nor do I want someone who 1/3 ->1/2 way through their life isn’t about anything.

  8. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog
    says:

    Many women I’ve dated were unemployed or had very low paying jobs. And many of them wanted a nice lifestyle – which is why they dated me. I’ve also dated women who worked and had great jobs. I don’t hold a woman’s job status for her or against her. It’s more about how we interact and get along.

    I know the standard is different the other way around. Some women date a guy because of his job, not because of him, and would never consider a lesser employed person. And once they have all that “stuff” in their lives, they wonder why they aren’t happy. Ha.

  9. Chopper Papa
    Twitter: chopperpapa
    says:

    My question to your friend would be much the same as yours. But additionally what would her impression be of him if he was uncomfortable about her job status or potential loss of employment, house, etc? I’m not condemning her, because I honestly am not interested in taking on a charity case. And to your point there are many of them out there, especially in the early 40 range. In my part of the world, these formerly ‘kept’ wives are now divorced, out on their own, making their way and doing a horrific job at it. Unfortunately retail therapy doesn’t work when you live on a fixed child support income, and they don’t get it. BUT most of them are smoking hot and feel that because they are so, and spend the time to keep themselves that way, their financial concerns should be looked past. And they wonder why they can only find men who want them for sex…

    As far as talking about it, I think that we are geared to test that end of the pool early on. So sidestepping it would be lying, not a good way to start, simply call it like it is and if he, or she bails then there you have it.

  10. Steve says:


    Chopper Papa wrote:
    In my part of the world, these formerly ‘kept’ wives are now divorced, out on their own, making their way and doing a horrific job at it. Unfortunately retail therapy doesn’t work when you live on a fixed child support income, and they don’t get it. BUT most of them are smoking hot and feel that because they are so, and spend the time to keep themselves that way, their financial concerns should be looked past.

    It is an interesting time to live in isn’t it. At the same time that women like that exist there is the the war on boys, endless articles about how more women are going to college than men, how more men are losing their jobs than women and how women are starting to earn more than men.

    Land Of The Lost

  11. Edgar says:

    I’m not really sure why employment status is so critical in the first few hours that you meet someone. By the time that Sara may be ready to consider marrying the guy (a couple of years hence seems reasonable) the world may have changed radically and she might be unemployed and he may be well-employed. In the meantime, there is so much to explore and experience that doesn’t require money that one would wonder why she would deny herself the opportunity? Especially since she doesn’t seem to have a lot going on in the romance department, anyway (or maybe I missed something in recent posts.)

  12. Steve says:

    People want what they want. If Sara feels like that that guy and she are probably better off that they don’t get together.

  13. BigLittleWolf
    Twitter: BigLittleWolf
    says:

    Interesting topic. I have dated men “between jobs” or scrapping to get by, partly because I was also scrapping to get by and understood where they were coming from.

    And you’d be surprised how many men don’t want to date an “unemployed” woman.

  14. Beth Owens says:

    OMG , Is job a must for dating women? Gotta get one soon…:)

    Beth

  15. Nona Mills says:

    Chopper Papa wrote: In my part of the world, these formerly ‘kept’ wives are now divorced, out on their own, making their way and doing a horrific job at it. Unfortunately retail therapy doesn’t work when you live on a fixed child support income, and they don’t get it. BUT most of them are smoking hot and feel that because they are so, and spend the time to keep themselves that way, their financial concerns should be looked past. It is an interesting time to live in isn’t it. At the same time that women like that exist there is the the war on boys, endless articles about how more women are going to college than men, how more men are losing their jobs than women and how women are starting to earn more than men. Land Of The Lost

  16. Wombat
    Twitter: kissnblog
    says:

    In answer to your question, Kat, it’s a rock paper scissors nexus.

    Charm overcomes rock.

    Hotness overcomes paper.

    Money overcomes scissors.

    Really, I don’t know why people have such difficulty with this subject.

  17. Redshoes51 says:

    I’ve dated some real ‘winners’ here in the past few years… a cardiologist, a dentist… I would think that those two career fields for women would be the most stable… instead, they were among the two biggest nut cases with whom I’ve ever been involved… WTF?!?!?!

    This one woman I briefly dated told me that there were several things she really liked about me… (01) I had a job, (02) I had a vehicle that ran… (03) that I had hair…

    Another WTF moment brought to you by Kodak… needless to say, I didn’t see her again…

    Happy New Year…

    ~shoes~