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Would you cheat on a hot woman?

Posted on Monday, November 29, 2010 in Affairs/infidelity, Aging, Honesty, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Sex/sexuality, Women

“It just blows me away,” Sara said as we sat in her kitchen, mud packs on our faces,

What blows you away?”

“That Tony could cheat on Eva. She’s gorgeous!”

“Being gorgeous has nothing to do with cheating, as you know. Remember, Rob cheated on me.”

I waited for her to get my joke, but she was too engrossed in her People magazine; we include trashy mags when we have our monthly DIY Facial Saturday just to get the full spa effect.

“Anyway, are you saying that it’s somehow
OK if someone cheats on a woman who’s
less than hot?”         

“No, of course not! It’s just that, I don’t get it.”

I don’t get it either, except I get this: it doesn’t matter how hot a woman is — and I would
guess that many men would put Eva Longoria
in the hot category. All relationships have
their troubles, and not everyone can handle them well.

And that’s when affairs can happen — if you
can call sexting cheating
, which is all the San Antonio Spurs guard claims he did.

OK, well, whatever

But it’s funny that we find affairs confounding when they happen to hot women — not only
Eva but Elizabeth Hurley and Shania Twain and Sandra Bullock and … The list goes on and on. Guess it makes us think, Well, if a guy could cheat on someone who looks like she does …

And then we start to worry; what hope can we Plain Janes possibly have?

Which, of course, fuels our fears about our looks, our weight, our wrinkles, our age …
when we really should looking at what kind of woman are we and how we treat our man. And, of course, if we’re a woman who loves sex (because most men do!). Because if we’re not giving it to him, happily and often …

But, shouldn’t we be just as upset if a man cheats on a Plain Jane? (and maybe even especially so in the case of someone like, say, Elizabeth Edwards — the woman had cancer, for God’s sake!)

When you think about it, why do we think being “hot” somehow magically turns our partner into someone who’ll be honest and faithful? Or that it makes for a loving, grounded sexual woman?

I don’t. Do you?

Bring on the comments

  1. Chopper Papa
    Twitter: chopperpapa

    There was a quote that a wise sage gave me once,
    well, actually I saw it was on a bathroom wall but who’s counting.

    “No matter how hot she is, somebody somewhere is sick and tired of putting up with her sh*t”.

  2. Chopper’s point is brutal, but still true nonetheless. We see these reports, but we often forget that the downfall of most marriages is rarely the fault of just one. We only know Ms. Longoria from her TV persona and beauty. Who knows what really goes on in that marriage? I’m certain she has her fair share of faults.

  3. T
    Twitter: tsquest

    I remember the “Barbie” doll next door to me, during my husband’s affair, giving me some advice. “Why don’t you dress up more? Why don’t you put on make-up, have a clean house and dinner ready when he gets home? Why don’t you greet him happily at the door in nice clothes?” I remember looking at her, toddler at my side and infant in my arms and asking, “What are we? Stepford wives?”

    I didn’t know what to tell her the following year when her husband was cheating on her…

    I really don’t think it matters WHAT you look like. Looks may be the initial attractor but the relationship is what’s gonna keep him interested. Looking back I can see ALL SORTS of things that were wrong in my marriage. And it wasn’t the fact that I was a stay at home mom of two.

  4. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog

    Cheating has nothing to do with looks, everything to do with psychology. And who knows – maybe Eva drove her man to cheat because of how she treated him. Maybe she cheated too. Who knows? It’s all about psychology. We shouldn’t judge.

    I dated a super hottie once, and she had “beautiful woman syndrome”. She wanted to run up my credit card pampering herself like there was no tomorrow. She said if I didn’t let her do it, there were plenty of men who would – all because she was beautiful. I eventually took her up on that, and she’s with some other guy now.

  5. MarinMale says:

    I would think that being “hot” would help attract partners and maybe cause your partner to cut you a bit more slack, at least initially.

    For me, what you said here is key:

    “…when we really should looking at what kind of woman are we and how we treat our man. And, of course, if we’re a woman who loves sex (because most men do!). Because if we’re not giving it to him, happily and often …”

    When one partner feels neglected, sexually or otherwise, they will often seek what they’re missing elsewhere. Doesn’t matter how hot the neglector is. Simple.

  6. The Observer says:

    Sounds like the other posters have hit said nail on said head…depends on the “other” aspects of their respective lives. Always greener on some other side, consider their respective very busy lives and time apart, hot may be OK in the tabloids and selected pap photos but how deep in the beauty? I blame them both. I don’t blame either. Does “he’s just not that into her” apply? He was, he’s not, he’s sorry, he’s not. Their lives I don’t see as being entirely significant in our/my own life. Some people just can’t make the computation and balance out what they get and what they want in a relationship. Sad but true. Lastly, Kat, no way you’re a “plain Jane”. Cheers

  7. Steve says:

    dadshouse wrote:
    “Cheating has (mostly)nothing to do with looks, everything to do with psychology”

    Succinct. The “(mostly)” is mine.

  8. Debi Levine says:

    RR's Love Update Kat Wilder » Would you cheat on a hot woman? #cheating #women

  9. Kat Wilder says:

    Chopper Papa — Yes, well, we all have some sh*t, don’t we?

    Segway — I’d pretty much say the “downfall of most marriages” is never the fault of one. If two people make a good marriage, two must be it’s undoing, too.

    T — Looks may be the initial attractor but the relationship is what’s gonna keep him interested. Amen!

    Dads — I was with you until you wrote maybe Eva drove her man to cheat … Nope, not buying it. Sure, maybe he was unhappy and maybe she was a total biatch. But he’s responsible for his actions, and if that took him into the bed of another woman, he did it, not her. Miserable? Separate or divorce first, then go get some booty.

    MarinMale — Yeah, hot can go a long way. Eventually, there must be more.

    TO — Aww! You don’t think I’m a Plain Jane. My mom doesn’t either (she always tells em how beautiful I am!) Thank you.

    Steve — Hmmm, what’s that “mostly” about?

  10. Kat Wilder says:

    If a guy could #cheat on a #hottie like #EvaLongoria, what hope do the rest of us have?

  11. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog

    Kat – I don’t know anything about Eva and Tony, but i do know this: a lot of women have a tendency to say with a black and white tone “he cheated on me!” (Just like you did here.) But the reality might be that a woman made her husband feel like crap (emotionally, psychologically, etc) every day they were together. Maybe the husband tried to save the marriage through counseling, and his wife wouldn’t budge. Cheating for some creates an escape hatch. Is it right? No. But is a woman berating her husband daily right? No. A lot of women don’t care about that point – they just focus on the “he cheated!” aspect. You’re saying when a man cheats on a woman, it’s ALL on him? And his wife had NOTHING to do with it? I don’t buy that in every case. Relationships are balancing acts. They require give and take from both parties involved. We don’t always do the right thing. But it’s also not always black and white. There’s a lot of gray that needs accounting for.

  12. Jimmy says:

    The old quantity vs. quality debate goes on . . . . .

  13. Kat Wilder says:

    Dads — no, no, no, that’s not what I’m saying. She may be absolutely horrible but if he’s driven to something, let him be driven to divorce her first, then get the booty. That’s what I said.

    No one forced him to jump into another woman’s bed. He used his own legs and/or car (maybe public transit, who knows?) to do that. Should have walked, drove, biked or bused to see a divorce lawyer first. Then, no cheating! See how it works?