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Staring, creeps and sexual needs

Posted on Friday, October 22, 2010 in Kat, Men, Sex/sexuality, Women

Just came upon this interesting article over at the Good Men Project, asking Why do we demonize men who are honest about their sexual needs, which adds to the conversation about staring and the anxiety women feel sometimes when a man crosses over into “creep” category.

Give it a read, and tell me what you think.

Bring on the comments

  1. T
    Twitter: tsquest

    I LOVE that article, Kat.

    I found it interesting, too, because I had a somewhat similar discussion last night with a fellow divorcee. We both felt that our long time married girlfriends didn’t trust us around their husbands because suddenly we were threats. Just because we’re now single, doesn’t mean we want your husband. Sheesh.

    And just because we’re sexual, homosexual (or in my case bi), it doesn’t mean that we’re trying to have sex with you or him or her.

    I also agree that sex causes much fear. Just as with relationships, society tends to want to have control over what KIND of sex couples have. It’s frustrating because it does create problems in the bedroom if people don’t communicate with each other. I have been with men who enjoyed being pegged and they felt comfortable talking to me about it because they knew I’d be ok with it. If I didn’t let them know though, they would feel shame and may look to other ways to satisfy their desire and curiosity.

    Even with my bf, we enjoy all sorts of sex but because of the stereotype of “playing rough” means you’re disrespecting a woman, he’s had to work through that. I like it rough sometimes and I don’t want him to feel guilty about it. The more we communicate and allow… the better our sex life gets.

    Great article. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Steve says:

    I read that article on that other blog that you linked to. I agree with most of it.

    I do believe there are double standards in regards to men, masculinity, their behavior and their treatment. It can be frustrating, because so many people are blind to it.

    One of the reasons I enjoy reading this blog is that you are one of the few women who sees it.

  3. Steve says:

    I once interrupted a conversation between some female friends complaining about “players”.

    I asked them if there was anything wrong with sex. A bit shocked, they said “no” and then I asked them is there anything wrong with going and looking for it. Again, a slightly shocked “no”.

    I then asked them why they had a problem with players. They told me that players were less than honest, they have ulterior motives.

    I then asked them how they would react to an attractive man they were in a medium length conversation with, politely but bluntly asking them for sex.

  4. Steve says:

    I don’t think a guy could have a “Kat Wilder” blog without risk being labeled “creepy”

  5. enigma says:

    Hi Kat, interesting article, I also think the percieved level of “creepyness” in the man , is in direct proportion to how attractive the woman finds him.

    The article also touches on that other old theme, the slut. Even in this so called modern day, if a woman is open and upfront about her desire for no strings sex, she will be labeled promiscous.

  6. "Staring, creeps & sexual needs" @KatWilder responds to our article on demonizing men who are honest about sex needs –

  7. weetos says:

    didnt read the article but it amuses me how women use dildos and vibrators which are often replicas of mens genitals but we’re not even allowed to look? besides women will look at men and think things similiar to what we do but because women aren’t as visual as men they dont “stare” the same.

  8. Kat Wilder says:

    Weetos — I have been known to stare, drool, actually. I think most women like to be looked out. It only gets creepy when he feels threatening, ya know?

  9. Henway says:

    What a refreshing point of view. I think this is an issue most people are afraid to talk about, or are ignorant about. Most men are so afraid of being called “creeps” or “pervert” and as a result don’t even pursue women, and end up lonely and single.

  10. Janet says:

    Thanks for the link, Kat. A great article. Our stereotypes of men’s sexuality need as much revision as those of women’s sexuality. We’ve got to keep the conversation going.