I knew Rex was going out of town for business, so I called Mia to see if she needed some gal time.
“Nah, thanks. I have plans.”
“Hope he’s cute,” I joked.
“What do you mean?” she said with an unusual intensity.
“I don’t mean anything, but now you’re making me feel like it is meaning something. What’s up?”
“Nothing, really. I’m just going to get together with Peter, that’s all.”
“Peter as in your old flame Peter?”
“Uh, I don’t know. That’s cool. If it’s cool with Rex, it’s cool with me.”
“Well, I’m not going to tell Rex.”
“Because, why should I? I mean, he’s
just a friend and I love Rex and I would never do anything to hurt my guy or our relationship so … what’s to tell?”
Good question, I guess.
But what if it were Rex meeting up with
an old flame and he didn’t tell her? How would that feel?
I’m guessing she wouldn’t be so OK
with it. Unless, of course, she didn’t find out.
Which is what most of us hope happens when we don’t reveal something that we’re not sure if we should share or not. Or know that we should, but don’t.
Otherwise, we’d just say it.
Which gets into the bigger question — should we tell our partner everything?
And if we don’t, why aren’t we?
It’s simple to say, well, just tell the truth. But as Oscar Wilde says, “The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
Especially in relationships.
We can’t be in a healthy relationship without trust and truth. And yet, we don’t always tell our partner everything. That’s not necessarily lying, but it isn’t necessarily the “whole truth,” either.
And then, if it’s discovered something was omitted … watch out!
I pretty much assume that whatever guy I’m with will be fantasizing and checking out women and feeling tempted daily — maybe hourly.
Either he’s going to be the kind of guy who acts on it or not (and if he does act on it, he’s not my guy for much longer).
But sometimes when we’re confronted with reality — Hey, I saw your sweetie having lunch with an attractive women yesterday — we feel a little twinge of, “hmm.”
Coworker? Boss? Client? Old friend? New friend?
Should we care?
Should we be sharing every little thing, especially if it involves time, however brief, spent in the company of someone of the other sex?
I know I haven’t.
Of course, I know that when I spend time with a male friend or a former flame, well, nothing’s going to “happen.” I trust myself, know my boundaries, and therefore my sweetie can trust me, too. (Yeah, yeah, I know — I once cheated on someone, long ago. I’m not “that girl” anymore).
Still, do we ever fully trust another person the same way we believe we can trust ourselves — and the way we want them to trust us?
- How much do you share with your partner, especially about time spent with the other sex?
- What if it’s time spent with a former flame?
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