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Why men give better advice than women

Posted on Monday, June 7, 2010 in Advice, Honesty, masturbation, Men, Relationships, Self image, Sex/sexuality

“Which looks better with this?” I asked Sean, holding up two black shirts,  a sleeveless turtleneck and a V-neck.

“They both look good.”

“So, one doesn’t look better than the other with this skirt?”

“They’re both black, right?” he said, although I could have sworn I heard his voice tense up a bit.

I sighed, a little louder than I probably  should have.

“OK, OK, the turtleneck. Sheesh!”

“Thank you,” I said as I blew him a kiss.

And so on went the turtleneck, and off we went to a dinner party at Mia’s.

When we arrived, fashionably late, Sara sidled up next to me.

“I love that skirt: I’m so glad I talked you into buying it.”

“Me, too, but it would have been even nicer if you offered to pay for it, too,” I joked.

“You wish. But, what’s with the turtleneck? It isn’t working for me.”

“It’s working for Sean; he picked it out,” I sniffed.

“Kat, you know better than to ask a guy
what to wear.”     

She’s right, of course. Despite the fact that most uber-fashion designers are men, whenever I’ve followed a boyfriend’s fashion request in the past, I’ve typically ended up looking like some skanky Hooters waitress.

That may be OK in your 20s, but at my age?
Uh, not.

Men are good for a lot of things, but not everything. However, I often trust guys more than I trust a woman; we gals are so programmed to be “nice” that it’s often hard for us to look a girlfriend in the eyes and tell her the truth. And nice is sometimes a cover for some really not nice behavior — the bitchiness, jealousies and petty cruelties women can often resort to under the guise of being “nice.”

My girlfriends aren’t like that – they wouldn’t be my girlfriends if they were — but there are some things that I think men “get” more than women. So, when I need help, here’s what I go to them for:

  • Anything mechanical — I used to think it was genetic, those “blue” jobs, until I married Rob, whose idea of fixing things was to get out the Yellow Pages and let his fingers do the walking and check-writing. I’ve gotten quite handy as have some of my girlfriends, but when the dishwasher starts making a weird grinding noise, I know who I’m going to call.
  • Car maintenance — ditto.
  • Beer —  I like my vodka and I like my red wine, but on a hot summer day after a long hike, a cold beer is awfully nice. But since I have beer like two or three times a year, I don’t want to waste those calories on something that tastes crappy. There are too many varieties; I need help!
  • Sports — I play some sports  and I watch some sports, but I don’t know all the intricacies of the games, like ground rule triples (however, I do know how to make triffles and truffles, so perhaps it’s a toss up).
  • Money matters — until women stop drooling over things like $10,000 Birkin bags and $700 Louboutins, I’m going with what the guys say (unless his name is Madoff).
  • Me as a datable women — gals think like gals, so we can’t possibly see our flaws from a guy’s perspective. Guys will tell you straight up where you’re falling short. It may hurt, but it’s honest. If the goal is to be with a man, you gotta go to the source and ask, “Would you date me? Why or why not? And listen carefully.
  • Handjobs — best thing a gal can do is watch her guy masturbate (it’s a very lovely sight, BTW). If he’s not your BF yet, ask — I’m pretty sure they’ve got it down from all that, you know,  practice …
  • Blowjobs — Ideally, you’d be in a threesome with two hunks who are attending mostly to you, but who might want to have a little fun themselves. Not working for you? Ask; since they own the equipment, they know what feels good.
  • Gynecological stuff — I’ve always had males gynos, which may seem weird because you’d think women would know their own bodies better but many of us don’t (that’s why many women don’t enjoy sex). I figure any guy who’s become a gyno did so because, like most guys, he’s really, really interested in a woman’s body and he’s trying like hell to figure it out. Women? Not so much …
  • Boyfriends — I rarely ask a gal’s opinion on a guy I’m seeing because too many care about things that I don’t, like income and power, and let that influence whom they find attractive. Since guys understand guys, I going to trust them to tell me if a guy I’m interested in is the real deal or not.
  • Breakups — Same thing. The gals are mostly going to point out all his faults; I want to know where I messed up!
  • Sons — Sometimes The Kid absolutely confounds me; why does he do what he does? Since kids don’t come with operating instructions, I have to turn to guys to find out if I’m mommying a male member of the species properly. On the other hand, raising a boy has helped me understand men, like forget about asking them what they’re thinking about once puberty hits; sometimes it’s really nothing.
  • Career advice — the worst bosses I ever had — ever — were women (see above for bitchiness, jealousy and petty cruelty remark). Plus, most women don’t know how to negotiate raises and contracts — I sure don’t, and it’s cost me plenty. When it comes to being aggressive about work, I want a guy to tell me how to do it, unapologetically.

Still, there are some things I’m just never going to ask a guy and take his advice seriously, like:

  • Techie stuff — OK, they may know all about the iPad and latest Blu-ray whatever,  but too many guys love all the bells and whistles on this stuff so they can — well, I don’t know what they want to do with it! Probably watch porn. All I know is, I don’t want it, I most likely don’t need it and I’d rather not have to even think about it.
  • Directions — Uh, I think this one’s obvious!
  • Weight — Never, ever, ask a man about your weight. If you have to ask a guy if something makes you look fat, you either 1. have really bad body image issues and would better off going to get some pro help, or 2. are really fat. Either way, he’s going to break out into a sweat just having to think about it, let alone answer truthfully. I think most of us can figure it out without dragging the poor guys into it.
  • Fashion — duh, unless you’re going for the skanky Hooters look.

Everything else, I rely on my gals.

How about you? What do you trust women for when it comes to advice, and what do you trust guys for?

Photo © kuhar – Fotolia.com

Bring on the comments

  1. Steve says:

    On the other hand, raising a boy has helped me understand men, like forget about asking them what they’re thinking about once puberty hits; sometimes it’s really nothing.

    Thank you!!! Seriously, has no one heard of “zen” or just enjoying the moment? 🙂

  2. Mike says:

    LMAO never ask a guy about your weight. It’s true you need to pick and choose who you ask for information. I do ask many of my female friends about dating to get the female view. The funny thing is they usually have no idea what the woman is thinking also. However the one thing I watch out for is that most women try to be “nice” when I want the truth. Most guys will give it straight to you.

  3. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog
    says:

    Men can be straight shooters, can’t we? And women do tend to be nice and say the feel good things. So if you want true advice, ask anytime.

  4. KC says:

    Hi Kat,
    I was sitting at Sam’s yesterday, (Sunday) and was scanning the public, wondering which group of giggling gals was my “Kats” group… I knew it wasn’t the NEWLY Large breasted woman with her Steroid Boytoy by the public bathrooms… making sure EVERYBODY saw her new boobs… I knew it wasn’t the group of 22 yr olds having a birthday party… could it have been the couple entertaining the other couple from South Africa that was here for two days…
    I’ll never know but one thing I can tell you.. it was absolutely gorgeous in Tiburon yesterday.
    Hope you had a great weekend!
    If you want some advice… just ask! LOL

  5. T
    Twitter: tsquest
    says:

    Love it! This is why I have more male friends!!

    Very good list here, Kat. Though I just recently switched to a female ob/gyn because my other male doctor retired. I thought she could help me with getting older, nearing peri-menopause and all that…. maybe?

    And yes, isn’t it true about guys and gadgets? They love things for all the stuff it does even when they’ll never use all the stuff it does! Ha!

  6. nekochan says:

    Yes, we guys are straight forward and we go to fix the problem. If you need advice ask us but not regarding weight, fashion or shopping. Men and women are so different is scary.

  7. The Observer says:

    Advice giving…HAH! Well…there’s asked advice and the usual unsolicited advice. God knows I’ve learned to undispense with the latter. Scars to prove it’s not wise. Then there’s the pretending to ask when you’re really telling…”…would you like to go down on me?”

    Reasonable list. I diverge on the HJ and BJ asking…”…if you have to ask…” route:)

    I’d add to the list: gardening and home design and maintenance. At least I’ve earned my chops in those categories (word of advice, OK busted for unsolicited!–, guys: it works best if they think it was their idea!!)

    Keep up the superlative blogging Kat. We love ya out here. T.O.

  8. Kat Wilder says:

    Steve — yes, although I think men have zen moments. With a teen brain, “zen” might just be a euphemism for “huh?”

    Mike — I love that men give it to you straight, although not every woman does. It’s a bit unnerving to us.

    Dads — OK. So, does this blog make me look fat? 😉

    KC — Hey; how do you know for sure we weren’t the partying “22-year-olds” (there are some incredible age creams out now, BTW)? And, for the record, not a fake boob among us! Eww!

    T — and here I thought you had all the male friends to keep your flirting skills sharp!

    nekochan — yes, we are different, and thank goodness for that! Cause if we were the same, what would be the point?

    Observer — Out here? Where are you guys? Come visit! I know what you say about “if you have to ask …” but, you know, each man has his own preferences and a lot of women are very confused by the “manhood” thing (if they even like BJs and handjobs, which many women don’t; to which I say, “Huh?”

    Gardening — difference between cutting the lawn and picking out the spring bulbs, right?

    Home design — I know a lot of guys who get into that; NOT the interior design however. (but I am always impressed when a guy’s place is more nicely appointed than mine — not too hard, actually!)

  9. Great post. My husband looks like a deer in the headlights when I ask him if “this makes me look fat.” His standard, zombie-like reply is usually a quavering “fine” repeated over and over until I go away.

    And it’s so true about the handjob. You think you’re doing it right, but then when HE does it, you’re like, “Ohhhhh! Like THAT!”

  10. BigLittleWolf
    Twitter: BigLittleWolf
    says:

    This cracked me up! And I agree with much of it, though I will say that I’ve had as many good female bosses (and bad) as male bosses. And as for gynos, likewise.

  11. Kat Wilder says:

    JD — Oh my! — “fine” is one of those multilayered words that means soooo much more than just “fine.” Actually, it rarely means fine, unless it’s preceded by “He’s so …”

    BLW — Yeah, I’ve had a few crappy male bosses, too. And, they never once mentioned how “cute” my shoes are …

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  16. V says:

    I avoid talking about sex with guys I’m not interested in, it never ends well.