It was Sunday morning, too early to have eyes open, but for whatever reason we woke up together, slowly, dreamily, our bodies close enough that I could feel his morning hard-on.
“Mmm,” I moaned, pushing my butt a little harder into his soft and hard spots.
“Mmm,” he moaned back, as his hands made their way from my hips to my breasts and body parts were being aligned.
And then, a cry.
I shot up out of bed.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to check on the baby.”
“He’s fine. Come back to bed, and let me check on a few of your things …”
By the time I came back, nobody was coming
— the magic moment was gone.
Several years later, and Rob and I divorced.
Well, there were a few other issues— a lot, actually — besides a series of child-related coitus interruptus “incidents” that led us to split. But I clearly remember those exhausting, stressful Married With Baby days. As T ponders in her post this week, it makes you wonder if
parenting with small kids leads to divorce.
I don’t think so.
If anything, unrealistic expectations, marrying for the wrong reasons and our own emotional baggage from the past probably lead to more divorces than raising a kid does. And we get so disappointed and frustrated with our partners so easily, over little
crap, too, like laundry and loading dishwashers. I mean, c’mon! But, having children impacts a couple in ways you can’t possibly anticipate,
no matter how many stories you hear, books you read or experts you follow.
Until you’re in the trenches, you really have no idea what having kids is all about. And at that point, well, your options are pretty limited, and so like most good soldiers, you just keep trudging along, hoping your “battle” strategy works.
That’s if you even have a strategy. But since 47 percent of parents say pregnancy “just happened,” it seems that there are a lot of new parents who don’t have a game plan. “Just happened” isn’t a strategy that’s going to hold up in the heat of marital-parenting battle. especially since almost every couple feels stressed, conflicted and unhappy the first year or two after a baby is born.
Can that be avoided?
Yeah — if you’re a choice mother.
Not that I’m suggesting you become one.
I can understand the incredible sadness a woman might feel if she hasn’t met The One before her biological clock goes on the fritz. Still, I just can’t even imagine having a baby on my own when it’s so hard when there are two of you!
But it does have an upside.
Many choice moms love not having a partner around — they can do things their way and not have to deal with anyone else’s issues other than their own and their kid’s. You can always send your kid to his room and take away his Xbox when he misbehaves; can’t do that if you’re pissed at your hubby.
So maybe it makes sense to have a baby on your own; you avoid experiencing that post-baby stress and unhappiness with your partner and you can do the laundry and load the dishwasher whatever damn way you want! Have the baby first, and just have a guy show up later — when you’re happier, healthier and ready to have sex again.
Well, that’s what Lori “Marry Him” Gottlieb did — you can ask her how well it’s going …
Not every man wants to raise someone else’s kids.
Plus, men develop a Daddy Brain, kicked in by a pregnant woman’s hormones. By keeping dads out of the equation, we moms might be messing up a man’s capacity to fully love his kids — or someone else’s. And dads and kids both end up losers.
Am I happy now? Yep.
Do I love having a kid? Yep.
Was being Married With Baby hard? Yep.
Would I rather have stayed as an intact couple if we could have worked out our crap? Yep — parenting solo is harder.
What about you?
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