“I’ve decided to be like Lady Gaga,” Sara announced as we worked up a sweat on the treadmills the other day.
“Sara, don’t. There’s nothing about parading around half-naked in ridiculous outfits and even worse hair that could be flattering for a woman your age.”
“My age?! And you are how old?”
“OK, OK — our age.”
“Puh-lease don’t tell me you want to start singing …”
“Of course not! But, did you hear what she said the other day? Her Gaganess said she’s OK being celibate until she has the time to meet someone she wants to sleep with. Well, that’s me.”
“That is so not you!”
“That’s the new me.”
“You’re kidding me. Weren’t you just on Match the other day? What were you looking for — a handyman?”
“Well, I’ve had a change of heart. I’m going to check out Bcelebate.”
I lost my footing and nearly flew off the treadmill. “Is that a …”
“Yes, a Web site for the abstinent-minded — like me.”
I know Sara well enough to know that those sorts of proclamations rarely last long; the last time she swore off chocolate she made it to, oh, 4 p.m.
But, there is a movement toward women being celibate — to which I say, are they crazy?
Unless they’re nuns, because, you know, that’s OK.
I’m not dissing celibacy for religious reasons, if that’s important to you. And, it’s OK if you’re trying to get your life together because you’re always falling for the bad boys or you’re newly divorced or something like that; you just can’t be emotionally healthy to enjoy sex at those times.
Even Lady Gaga’s celibacy makes some some sense: she prefers to get to know someone before she gets sexual, and she just doesn’t have time for that right now. “If you can’t get to know somebody,” she says, “you shouldn’t be having sex with them.”
You go, girl! Although I’d call that Celibate Lite, because I’m sure if someone worth going gaga over came along, she’d change her tune quickly.
But I wonder about wearing the celibacy badge as if you’re somewhat holier than those of us who say, yeah, I’m too busy to have a relationship right now, but I have a few, uh, needs. And my fingers are tired, and my batteries have run out. I just wanna get laid.
Those of us who see our sexuality as a natural expression of who and what we are. I mean, I’m all for National Masturbation Month — which May is, BTW — but I’m just celebrating in between the regular sex (and when Sean wants to watch, obviously).
It seems like a “thing” some women who aren’t getting any action have to declare as way to either justify why they aren’t getting any action or to deny their sexuality.
OK, there are lots of women (and maybe men, too) who can’t or don’t want to have sex just for the sake of sex. I respect that.
And there are plenty of times when we’re just not connecting with anyone so forget about dating, let alone a relationship and guaranteed sex. That’s just part of being single.
Then there are the people who lose interest in sex as they age. I can’t see doing that, however. Too bad the spinster is stigmatized, but then again, so is the slut.
We can still find ways to have intimacy and live sensually if not sexually (getting a massage — with a male masseuse — can fuel a gal’s fantasy or two).
But I just can’t see embracing celibacy as a “new way to be.”