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What would Kat do?

Posted on Monday, April 19, 2010 in Advice, dating, Kat, Relationships, Singles, WWKD

Anyone who’s followed me for a while knows that I’m a fan of online dating. It’s not perfect, but few ways of meeting singles are —  it’s just another tool to be used, with smarts. And it’s not for everyone. Newly divorced or separated? Don’t even think about it — you’re just too vulnerable to be able to handle rejection, and yes, you will be rejected, a lot.

Bitter or cynical about it because you haven’t met anyone but weirdos, losers and gold-diggers? You might want to give it a rest for a while; you just can’t hide that attitude, and it’s a downer.

But, whether you like it or not, let’s face it — online dating sites are where many people go to meet people. You can fight it or join it.

As I’ve written about before, I’ve had a few great hookups, a number of interesting dates, a handful of casual dating relationships and two long-term relationships as well as a couple of friendships from online dating sites.   

That doesn’t make me a pro, but it has given me a certain perspective.

So, a reader has written in about a woman he’d like to approach online but he’s worried — how can he stand out? Which gives me the perfect opportunity to launch WWKD, aka What Would Kat Do?

So hop on over to WWKD, and take a peek …

Then, come back here and chime in.

  • How do you make yourself stand out online?
  • What should you never say?
  • What makes you respond to someone or not?

You’ll also find an e-mail I got a long time ago on blogger lust, of all things. Can a 12-step be far behind?

Other ramblings about online dating:

How to read an online profile

Bring on the comments

  1. Steve says:

    People make their profiles generic and forgettable by using general terms.

    Everyone claims they love music and are warm. General terms like that tell people nothing about a person and are boring.

    Better to jot down a few lines about the last concert you went to and what you liked about the experience.

    Better to jot down a few lines of how you like volunteering at the animal shelter because it gives you gratification seeing scared animals relax under your care.

  2. Jolene says:

    LOVE the premise of this and WWKD – very cool, especially as I’m knee deep in the online dating thang at the moment too. Will hop over to WWKD as well 😉

  3. Having done the online dating thing I agree with your advice completely. (and incidently am also a 39 y/o single mom)

    A guy who can express intelligence and wit instantly peaks my interest. But a guy who goes on and on about how many emails I must be getting, how attractive I am, or why I should date him gets deleated.
    .-= Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..Virtual Deadbeat Dad Voodoo Doll =-.

  4. BigLittleWolf
    Twitter: BigLittleWolf

    As with many things, online dating can either be a positive experience, or… not so much. If you live in certain parts of the country, depending upon demographics, the pickings are slim. You cycle through a few sites, and after a year (or less), you see the same faces. You meet some of them – and find their pictures are 5 years old (or more). You may make a friend, have a relationship, fall in love, recycle through a few years later… where you see the same people, with the same (old) photos, now older.

    Cynicism? No. Reality – again – depending upon the demographics. Geography and age, mostly.

    As for what gets attention? Along with a great (recent) photo – the basics of good writing. Show, don’t tell. Don’t say you’re funny. Be funny. Don’t say you’re original. Be original.

    And it doesn’t hurt to spellcheck!

    (Be careful out there…)

    .-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Why I choose to think like a man =-.

  5. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog

    Great advice over there! I agree pointing out shared interests is silly. Try to connect on something meaningful and unique, and explore other things later.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog ..It’s Cycling Season! =-.

  6. I got married before email was universal so I am of little use, but as one who spends a great deal of time online, I can tell you what drives me nuts…about my Facebook friends: BRAGGING. Can’t stand it. Our attributes should speak for themselves…in person. I would discuss opinions about things or philosophies on life (nothing too deep, of course). I’ve made online friends I’ve never met, and I feel I can tell who they are just by the things they want to post. Never, ever brag. Of course, I’m partial to people who make fun of themselves.
    .-= Greta Koenigin´s last blog ..A Seahorse’s Guide To Domestic Living (With Special Emphasis On Lovemaking) =-.

  7. Kat Wilder says:

    "My friends say I'm a catch" and other cliches to avoid online.

  8. LOVE IT! RT @KatWilder: "My friends say I'm a catch" and other cliches to avoid online.

  9. VJ says:

    What gets noticed? It’s different in different places. For example, consider ‘They call me naughty Lola’ & other efforts in here: [Personals]
    Cheers, ‘VJ’

  10. Kat Wilder says:

    Steve — Yes! Ban the generic, and be real. You give great examples.

    Thanks, Jolene — if you need, help, you know where to go!

    Mindy — Still, I feel sorry for some people who are probably nice people, but just don’t “get” it. It takes some moxie to understand the online world, true?

    Big Little Wolf — You bring up a good point about seeing the same faces online. But when I read “Just Marry Him!,” Evan Marc Katz brought up a great point (one I hadn’t thought of): these same faces could also have been dating, gotten into a relationship or two, had break-ups … and then found themselves back online again just like you are. But, yes, spell check and be careful!

    Dads — thanks. Finding the “meaning” in “meaningful” still can be tricky!

    Greta — OMG, so true. Most of FB and (especially) Twitter is bragging and “Look at me!” and self-promotion all to be noticed. And, gulp, I am guilty! Not all blogs are like that, but many are. I just think the medium itself is made for that. Everyone’s 15 minutes …

    VJ — yes, well, one must talk to one’s “audience” 😉

  11. […] know there are people like Kat Wilder who swear that online dating works. But there are also tens of millions of people who are […]