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What would Kat do?

Posted on Monday, April 19, 2010 in Advice, dating, Kat, Relationships, Singles, WWKD

Anyone who’s followed me for a while knows that I’m a fan of online dating. It’s not perfect, but few ways of meeting singles are —  it’s just another tool to be used, with smarts. And it’s not for everyone. Newly divorced or separated? Don’t even think about it — you’re just too vulnerable to be able to handle rejection, and yes, you will be rejected, a lot.

Bitter or cynical about it because you haven’t met anyone but weirdos, losers and gold-diggers? You might want to give it a rest for a while; you just can’t hide that attitude, and it’s a downer.

But, whether you like it or not, let’s face it — online dating sites are where many people go to meet people. You can fight it or join it.

As I’ve written about before, I’ve had a few great hookups, a number of interesting dates, a handful of casual dating relationships and two long-term relationships as well as a couple of friendships from online dating sites.   

That doesn’t make me a pro, but it has given me a certain perspective.

So, a reader has written in about a woman he’d like to approach online but he’s worried — how can he stand out? Which gives me the perfect opportunity to launch WWKD, aka What Would Kat Do?

So hop on over to WWKD, and take a peek …

Then, come back here and chime in.

  • How do you make yourself stand out online?
  • What should you never say?
  • What makes you respond to someone or not?

You’ll also find an e-mail I got a long time ago on blogger lust, of all things. Can a 12-step be far behind?

Other ramblings about online dating:

How to read an online profile

Bring on the comments

  1. Steve says:

    People make their profiles generic and forgettable by using general terms.

    Everyone claims they love music and are warm. General terms like that tell people nothing about a person and are boring.

    Better to jot down a few lines about the last concert you went to and what you liked about the experience.

    Better to jot down a few lines of how you like volunteering at the animal shelter because it gives you gratification seeing scared animals relax under your care.

  2. Jolene says:

    LOVE the premise of this and WWKD – very cool, especially as I’m knee deep in the online dating thang at the moment too. Will hop over to WWKD as well ;-)

  3. Having done the online dating thing I agree with your advice completely. (and incidently am also a 39 y/o single mom)

    A guy who can express intelligence and wit instantly peaks my interest. But a guy who goes on and on about how many emails I must be getting, how attractive I am, or why I should date him gets deleated.
    .-= Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..Virtual Deadbeat Dad Voodoo Doll =-.

  4. BigLittleWolf
    Twitter: BigLittleWolf
    says:

    As with many things, online dating can either be a positive experience, or… not so much. If you live in certain parts of the country, depending upon demographics, the pickings are slim. You cycle through a few sites, and after a year (or less), you see the same faces. You meet some of them – and find their pictures are 5 years old (or more). You may make a friend, have a relationship, fall in love, recycle through a few years later… where you see the same people, with the same (old) photos, now older.

    Cynicism? No. Reality – again – depending upon the demographics. Geography and age, mostly.

    As for what gets attention? Along with a great (recent) photo – the basics of good writing. Show, don’t tell. Don’t say you’re funny. Be funny. Don’t say you’re original. Be original.

    And it doesn’t hurt to spellcheck!

    (Be careful out there…)

    dateGo
    .-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Why I choose to think like a man =-.

  5. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog
    says:

    Great advice over there! I agree pointing out shared interests is silly. Try to connect on something meaningful and unique, and explore other things later.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog ..It’s Cycling Season! =-.

  6. I got married before email was universal so I am of little use, but as one who spends a great deal of time online, I can tell you what drives me nuts…about my Facebook friends: BRAGGING. Can’t stand it. Our attributes should speak for themselves…in person. I would discuss opinions about things or philosophies on life (nothing too deep, of course). I’ve made online friends I’ve never met, and I feel I can tell who they are just by the things they want to post. Never, ever brag. Of course, I’m partial to people who make fun of themselves.
    .-= Greta Koenigin´s last blog ..A Seahorse’s Guide To Domestic Living (With Special Emphasis On Lovemaking) =-.

  7. Kat Wilder says:

    "My friends say I'm a catch" and other cliches to avoid online. http://tinyurl.com/yyupgh5

  8. LOVE IT! RT @KatWilder: "My friends say I'm a catch" and other cliches to avoid online. http://tinyurl.com/yyupgh5

  9. VJ says:

    What gets noticed? It’s different in different places. For example, consider ‘They call me naughty Lola’ & other efforts in here: [Personals]
    http://www.lrb.co.uk/classified
    Cheers, ‘VJ’

  10. Kat Wilder says:

    Steve — Yes! Ban the generic, and be real. You give great examples.

    Thanks, Jolene — if you need, help, you know where to go!

    Mindy — Still, I feel sorry for some people who are probably nice people, but just don’t “get” it. It takes some moxie to understand the online world, true?

    Big Little Wolf — You bring up a good point about seeing the same faces online. But when I read “Just Marry Him!,” Evan Marc Katz brought up a great point (one I hadn’t thought of): these same faces could also have been dating, gotten into a relationship or two, had break-ups … and then found themselves back online again just like you are. But, yes, spell check and be careful!

    Dads — thanks. Finding the “meaning” in “meaningful” still can be tricky!

    Greta — OMG, so true. Most of FB and (especially) Twitter is bragging and “Look at me!” and self-promotion all to be noticed. And, gulp, I am guilty! Not all blogs are like that, but many are. I just think the medium itself is made for that. Everyone’s 15 minutes …

    VJ — yes, well, one must talk to one’s “audience” ;-)

  11. [...] know there are people like Kat Wilder who swear that online dating works. But there are also tens of millions of people who are [...]