Comments on: Your cheating heart

By: Honey

Honey — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 18:56:22 +0000

Physical infidelity is “cheating,” but you also have emotional infidelity, financial infidelity…no less devastating to a relationship, just because it’s not called “cheating.”
.-= Honey´s last blog ..This Sex Toy Costs $60K–Honey, Are You Listening? =-.

By: VJ

VJ — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 09:28:45 +0000

Kat says “As for “creating financial stress,” someone absolutely can be “cheating” by withholding information about the couple’s financial situation. That’s deception, too; deception isn’t just sexual. In fact, I know people to whom this has happened; it’s just as devastating”.

Which was my point. And some of Steve’s as well. You either having a trusting relationship with someone you can trust implicitly, or not. I know that’s difficult to understand & certainly to achieve too. My wife, being a partner, talks to many employees & other partners probably much more frequently than she does me. She probably shares some intimacies with them too. But at the end of the day, we share in a life & many more intimacies that they can not be a part of. What I know & what I’m proudest of is her instincts & intelligence. She & I know where the lines are drawn. It’s not ‘being seen at dinner with strange men/women’, as we’d both be guilty of that with clients, friends & workmates. She too can enjoy a ‘drink with the boys’ and I’m singularly unworried about it. It’s because I know & trust who she is.

Again I know that all sounds silly, especially to folks who are divorced or who have had some unfortunate circumstances surrounding trust in their marriages. Cheers, ‘VJ’

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 03:31:00 +0000

Dads — “And I ran into a buddy in a restaurant one night when he was entertaining a woman who was not his wife.” But, could it be that you were misinterpreting the situation, or were they getting too close for comfort?

Wombat — yeah, how cliched is that? Musta had one too many mojitos …

Nicole — I like that: “no omissions, no conflict.” Well, there are always things to argue about, right?

Steve — Uh, that’s cause you’re a guy. I would not say that emotional infidelity was “just” jealousy. Jealousy is grounded in fear, control and distrust; having emotional intimacy with a third party could be diverting energy/emotions that belong in the relationship (and thus could be addressed/solved within the relationship.

As for “creating financial stress,” someone absolutely can be “cheating” by withholding information about the couple’s financial situation. That’s deception, too; deception isn’t just sexual. In fact, I know people to whom this has happened; it’s just as devastating

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:03:28 +0000

I don’t see emotional intimacy, outside of an extreme, as cheating. Past a certain point it is a stress on the relationship, but not cheating. Before that certain point is a jealousy problem.

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:01:17 +0000

Dadshouse wrote:
“I agree, if you do something that compromises the relationship, it’s cheating.”

So, being a slob, not doing your share of the housework, creating financial stress, not talking enough, falling out of love and other relationship compromisers are cheating?

By: Nicole

Nicole — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:18:57 +0000

Dadshouse> I would think it’s also awkward to have someone mention to you they saw your spouse out with someone else.
If you weren’t aware of the situation that’s when some undesirable thoughts might creep into your head.

Meeting up with a “guy friend” of mine wouldn’t be something that would I would forget to mention to my spouse.

We trust AND respect each other.

No omissions; no conflict.

Kat & Linda> I agree, you shouldn’t be hiding anything. If you want someone to trust you, you should be trustworthy. It’s the deception that hurts so much and is so hard to get past.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:58:59 +0000

Meeting up with a “guy friend” of mine wouldn’t be something that would I would forget to mention to my spouse.

No omissions; no conflict.

Kat & Linda> I agree, you shouldn’t be hiding anything. If you want someone to trust you, you should be trustworthy. It’s the deception that hurts so much and is so hard to get past.

By: Wombat

Wombat — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:10:01 +0000

If you’re shagging a woman stupid enough to kiss your collar rather than your corpus, that’s cheating…deserving of consequences.
.-= Wombat´s last blog ..First Date Failure =-.

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:23:11 +0000

I agree, if you do something that compromises the relationship, it's cheating. And I ran into a buddy in a restaurant one night when he was entertaining a woman who was not his wife. Awkward! (For him) .-= dadshouse´s last blog ..Frazzled and Stressed Single Parent =-.

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:02:54 +0000

Steve — I would agree, if you’re a guy; guys (according to the research) are more upset by the physical act of sex between his beloved and some other “creep.” For women, emotional betrayal is worse, and if a guy is sharing intimacy with “that slut,” that’s worse.

BLW — Yes, there is a wide spectrum, but ultimately I think it comes down to two people — wheat he and she decide are the boundaries of what’s OK and what’s not OK … for them.

Linda — Spoken like a true woman! The lying and deception is what is so painful, then the sex part.

Jake — That’s pretty heavy stuff. I’m not sure I think love is an illusion, but I do think our minds mess with us quite a bit during the whole thing!

VJ — See my answer to Steve; it truly is a gender divide.

And, just so you know, I did not “disappear” your comments; they went into my spam filter (as comments by other commentors have), and when I realized it, I set them proper. I’m somewhat techno savvy but still …