“So, does Sean have any fetishes?” Sara asked me as we sat in her hot tub the other night.
“That’s kind of random, but yeah. He’s a lot like John Cusack in ‘High Fidelity’: things are very orderly, organized by dates and colors and sizes.”
“That’s not really a fetish. I mean, is he weird in any way?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, girlfriend: I think it’s pretty weird when you consider my organizational ‘system’ is to cram everything into my closet and then shut the door as quickly as I can so nothing falls out.”
“Never’ll happen: he’d have a heart attack just trying to look in there.”
She sighed. “But, what if he did?”
“You mean, what if he was a cross-dresser or something?”
“Exactly. Or he wanted to wear your shoes or sniff them. Or maybe he likes to wear men’s pantyhose. Would that be a deal-breaker?”
“I don’t know, beside the fact that I’d worry he’d get a run in my L’eggs. A certain amount of kinky is OK, but it has to be the right kind of kinky, you know? He wants to sniff my armpit? I’m down with that, because I’d love to sniff his right back. Love those pheromones! But I certainly wouldn’t want to be showing up at a party with him in a flowery sundress and some sexy little Jimmy Choo stilettos. Even if he shared them.”
“What if it was in private, though?”
That’s different — maybe. Sure, only he and I would know (plus all his former lovers, I suppose). But you’d still have to be OK with it on a fundamental level. And I’m not so sure I am.
I absolutely am into fantasies, and believe I am open-minded and nonjudgmental. To each his own,
right? You want to bring out the whips and chains, nipple clips and latex? Go right ahead. I’m sure there are many upsides to dating cross-dressers and shoe-sniffers, too (and footwear is the No. 1 fetish object in the world; others include hearing aids, frogs and glue. Hmm …). But I might not want to live with it.
Because you have to accept who a person is, warts and all, even if you don’t entirely embrace all his obsessions and peccadillos. If something is just too weird to be around — frogs? hearing aids? glue? — well, I just don’t know how to get past that.
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