RSS Feed

Confession: good for the soul and your career

Posted on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 in Affairs/infidelity, dating, Honesty, Kat, Marriage, Relationships, Sex/sexuality

“What would you do about Jesse?” Mia asked me as she, Sara and and I biked our way around the Headlands one last time before it was closed off for road work.

“You mean if I were Sandra?”

“No, I mean if you’d slept with him.”

“What are you getting at?” Sara asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Would you go to E! or TMZ and come out?”

“Oh, you mean kiss and tell? Absolutely not! I don’t know
why women do that,” I said.   

“Kat, you’re so naive. Can’t you figure it out?” Sara snapped.

I hate to sound naive, but, no I couldn’t quite grasp it. Let’s
see — I screw a married guy and then I’m going to blab
my story all over the news?
Why? If anything, I’d want to lay really low. I mean, the last thing I’d want is for my mom and
dad — not to mention their neighbors, book club ladies and poker pals — to see me on the cover of People with this headline: “Woman No. 3: I made a mistake with Jesse.”

Sure, confession is good for the soul — but in public? I’d be
so embarrassed.

Does no one else feel like that anymore?

It’s no surprise that ex-wives of philanderers might want
to cash in on their misfortune, like Nicolas Sarkozy’s (most recent) ex and Dina Matos McGreevey. I guess that’s one way to set aside some college money for the kiddies.

But, really, you don’t even have to go through all the
hassle of getting married to get a book deal or modeling contract — you just have to sleep with a high-profile guy once or twice (or save the dress with the stain) and you’ll be a media darling for your 15 minutes.
And, pocket a few thou to ease your heartbreak.

Why didn’t I think of that?

Here I’ve been, sleeping with guys for years and feeling pretty damn lucky if I got a glass of red wine, a shared plate of fried calamari and an orgasm out of it. I just didn’t see that it might a smart career move.

And it’s more than just that — it’s power. It’s a woman using her beauty, sexuality and charm to fell a man. Who says women can’t be as manipulative as guys?

I used to think that the rabbit scene in “Fatal Attraction” was a wake-up call for cheaters; now that seems almost refreshingly innocent compared with what happens if one of your babes decides to open her mouth. And, Glenn Close’s character didn’t get anything out of it, either — well, except death. If the movie came out now, she’d have an eight-page spread in Playboy.

And how come you don’t hear from any men who’ve been providing stud service (well, except for other men)? Still, I live in constant fear that one day I’ll turn on E! and see some hottie talking about his wild fling with a certain cartoon blogger …

None of this gets the cheaters off the hook; maybe this public confessional is just what they deserve.

But our obsession with fame at any cost, talent be damned — and what people are willing to do for it — makes me feel sad. On the other hand, I just may have discovered a fall-back plan if I ever get laid off  …

  • Has kissing and telling gone too far?
  • Or, do you feel that if everyone else is doing it, why not?
  • Guys, does this make you nervous?

Bring on the comments

  1. Nicole says:

    I would think someone in a “high profile” position would have figured out by now that the consequences of their actions run extremely high risks. Ask Bill what a little BJ brought to his life!
    I admit I’ve fell pray to a few “Kiss and Tell” boys. Although I thought the guy had no class for bragging, he didn’t lie.
    What get’s me is the guy that lies about it! Now there’s a charmer! Must be why there was no kissing in the first place!

  2. Steve says:

    Pretend I have Aspergers and that I can only understand things put into neat, well defined boxes.

    If a woman uses a sexual encounter for material gain, how is that act different from prostitution?

    Not to sound like some tight assed misogynist.

    FWIW, I don’t see anything morally wrong with prostitution.

  3. Kat Wilder says:

    Nicole — Yes, it did create a few problems for Bill. But Monica did not go around selling her story; she told a “friend,” got betrayed and the rest is history …

    Steve — the difference is the guy knows he’s going to a prostitute; it’s an arrangement. Not sure that’s what Tiger, Jesse et al. had in mind.

  4. Nicole says:

    I forgot about that back-stabbing beaaatch!

  5. LiteralDan says:

    You have to assume anyone you sleep with will tell people, especially if you’re famous. I just don’t get why they’re always surprised!

    I know it’s not as easy to get them, but celebrities should only sleep with other celebrities who have just as much to lose.

    But then what would we all read at the grocery store checkout line?
    .-= LiteralDan´s last blog ..Things that amuse me, Vol. 3 =-.

  6. BigLittleWolf
    Twitter: BigLittleWolf

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I find the whole thing nauseating, and thus, don’t read. At least there was discretion 30+ years ago. Gone, gone, gone – for an interview and a book deal.
    .-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..The Butterfly Effect =-.

  7. Linda says:

    I think what’s sad for me is that I have just become numb to all this. Nothing really shocks me anymore. I’m raising both a son and a daughter and I hope that I raise them to have more respect for themselves and others than those people exhibit.

  8. Kat Wilder says:

    Nicole — so much for friendship, eh?

    Literal Dan — Good point! There’s so much Oprah and Martha Stewart one can take!

    Linda — indeed; it often feels like losing battle, though, doesn’t it? Sheesh!

  9. Kat Wilder says:

    Big Little Wolf — I never thought I’d feel nostalgic about infidelity, but … 😉

  10. Steve says:


    A good and an original answer!

  11. Edgar says:

    Well, at least you’re not in Cardinal Ratzinger’s shoes, Kat. Praise Jesus!

  12. Don says:

    Zen masters say “there are 3 things that cannot stay hidden….the sun, the moon, and the truth.”
    .-= Don´s last blog ..From Bad Mojo to a View of the Water… =-.

  13. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog

    The public confessions are sad – but we as a public can choose to view them in a different light. Instead of pointing a judging finger, we could have a discussion on personality disorders and how an individual goes about getting help, working on themselves, and evolving. We as a society could show a little more awareness. Right now, we just judge and label with a Scarlet A, and move on.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog ..Jesse James, Tiger Woods – Why Should We Care? =-.