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Feb 15

A teenage love triangle

Posted on Monday, February 15, 2010 in dating, love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Sex/sexuality, teens/teenagers

“Those are nice jeans, Ms. Wilder,” said the cute girl Trent had invited over to watch a DVD with him.

Ms. Wilder? Who the heck is that?

“Oh, thanks, uh, I’m sorry — what’s your name again?”


“Oh, right. Taylor. Thank you!”

I looked at Taylor, all dewy-faced 17 years of her.

She was adorable. Beyond the sweetness of her, she was polite, had a cute figure and bigger boobs than mine (but, that’s about 90 percent of all females right there), and dimples.

Yeah, she could so be my future-daughter-in-law. So, I was having a hard time embracing the fact that she might just be a booty-call.

I locked myself in my room with my book and a glass of wine, giving them the living room and the TV to themselves. Every once and a while, I heard them laugh.

“Taylor’s kind of sweet,” I said to The Kid after she left, trying to sound as if there was nothing at stake for me, which, of course, there isn’t — except my unborn grandkids and in-law battles at all future holidays.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice trailing off dispassionately.

Not a very satisfying answer. So, I upped the ante.

“Is she just a friend or …”

“Mom, she’s a friend, OK?”

I felt like the Stones song: I wasn’t getting no satisfaction.

“Oh, so she’s not a girlfriend or something?”

I’d let him decide what the “something” meant.

A look of pain crossed his face; I’d crossed the line. Again.

“Girlfriends are a lot of work.”

I could see he’d clearly been talking to someone — his dad? Pity to be so brainwashed at just 17!

“Yeah, but it’s nice to have someone special, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,” he said, and then he disappeared into his room.

Girlfriends and boyfriends are a lot of work. And high school is the first real testing ground of relationships; it’s when many teens have their first kiss, the first time they have sex, the first time that rush of hormonal feelings may or may not be more than a crush, their first experience with devastating heartbreak.

What’s a parent’s role in teenage love?

I thought back to me at The Kid’s age; I had been girlfriend to a few boys by then, and had lost my virginity. I don’t know if he has, but I hope so (safely, of course). And back then the boys with girlfriends had cars, and even though girls are growing up in a world in which they start off their career making as much or more than their male peers, and may eventually be the breadwinners, I think that’s still true today; a guy needs wheels.

I’ve watched as some of my friends struggled with their teen’s love interests; some write if off as a sweet passing phase — it’s just “puppy love” — and others see it as interfering with their studies. No one has looked at their high schooler’s love affair as something that may lead to marriage one day — although it certainly could.

Me? I’m just hoping The Kid decides a girlfriend is worth the hassle.

Of course, for all I know he might decide a boyfriend might be more worth the hassle. That will be a different discussion …

  • What’s a parent’s role in their teen’s love life?
  • Do you take your teen’s relationships seriously?
  • How did your parents deal with your love life as a teen?

Photo © dimis –

Feb 12

How I met your mother — or a hookup

Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010 in Advice, Aging, dating, hookups, Relationships, Singles

Sara looked a little ragged when I picked her up the other day, which was a bum because I was in a pretty good mood and I didn’t want her downer to rub off on me.

But, a friend must do what a friend must do.

“You don’t look so good.”

“That’s because I’m not so good. I’m tired.”

“Well, you should be tired. You’ve been working so hard lately,” I said as supportively as I could.

“Not that kind of tired, although I actually am that kind of tired, too.”

“Uh, then what kind of other tired are you?” I asked, feeling a little tired myself from trying to figure out the nuances of “tired.”

“Tired of going online to meet men. Why can’t
I meet them the old-fashioned way?”     

“The old-fashioned way is in a bar, isn’t it?”

“I guess. but that seems ridiculous now that I’m a little past my college days.”

A little? Not only was she tired, but she was
also delusional.
But, I stuck with her, as friends must. It didn’t seem like a good time to rub her
face in her woman-of-a-certain-age reality.

“Well, perhaps you can meet guys at something
you like doing, like a group bike ride or hike or something.”

“Ugh, puh-lease! You know the type of people who do that.”

Sure — it would people just like Sara if everyone didn’t feel the way she does! But, whatever.

“Well, maybe you need to think outside the
box. I hear
recovery meetings are the new, uh, bars.”

“Oh, great idea, Kat. I’ll do that, right after I check out the scene at the DUI drunk tank first. Might
as well get them fresh before someone else snags them!”

“It was just a thought,” I sniffed.

Granted, a bad one but I did read it online (which is another topic for another day — what kind of relationship “expert” sends women to AA to meet a guy?) I’m sure even “Marry Him!’s” Lori Gottlieb would agree we wouldn’t be too picky if we didn’t look for Mr. Good Enough there.

But, it is a problem; where do you meet singles, especially when you’re middle-aged and in the ‘burbs?

When I was younger, I met people in all sorts of places — dance clubs, gyms, standing in line, on an airplane, bars. When you’re young, you don’t have to work too hard. You just have to have a pulse.

Now? A pulse is not enough.

I’m a fan of online dating sites, especially for us boomers, although I know many singles aren’t. It’s just another option, not a guarantee. I met Sean online, and a lot of the other guys I’d dated in recent years. A few I met in bars and music clubs. I met one guy on a ski slope, and one while walking Roxy on a hiking trail. I even had a Missed Connection date (and it should have remained “missed,” too). The most unusual place — literally bumping into him in a hotel lobby.

So, in the spirit of V-Day (yeah, yeah, yeah — I know I rag on it), please share the oddest or most memorable place you met someone and either dated or had a hookup; given the advice of the experts — really, a recovery program? — I’m sure you have much to share.

And, happy V-Day.

Photo © microimages –

Feb 10

I’m digging those good vibrations

Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 in Happiness, masturbation, Relationships, Sex/sexuality, Singles

The way things happen around my house is the way things happen when celebrities hit the dust — in threes.

First, my CD player was flipping out, then the kitchen grinder became useless and then  — at the most inopportune time — I fried my B.O.B.

You can probably guess which upset me the most.

So, I had to take care of it as soon as possible, which would have been immediately but there were other silly things — oh, like work, a school event, seeing my tax accountant — that I had to attend to first.
I just hate when life gets in the way of the fun parts.

By the time I had a moment to breathe, the odd phenomenon that often hits women kicked in. I got a call from Mia. She and I were in sync — but since we’re menopausal, it wasn’t about our periods.

“Hey, I have to go to Pleasures. My vibrator’s on the fritz. Wanna come?”

“Are you serious? I was just going to head over there because I fried mine weeks ago and I’m desperate. There’s just so much I can ask of my fingers.”

“Good,” she said. “I’ll see you in 10.”

Now, I haven’t bought a vibrator in a while,
so when I walked in and saw all the choices, it was quite overwhelming.
It felt a little like the first time I tried online dating — this one’s awfully cute but that one’s bigger and stronger, this one’s built for speed but that one looks like a, uh, multitasker.

I was confused (especially by the ones that are shaped like animals; since when is gopher a turn-on?)

“So, which one are leaning toward?” I asked Mia.

“I want one that hits all the right spots. You?”

All the spots?  My old vibrator was a basic Pocket Rocket. I like the simplest, most straight-forward one, one that get the job done quickly so I can get on to other things, like sleep, without having every part of me stimulated. The last thing I want to do is have an orgy of one.

“Um, I think I want something simple, something Sean and I can play with together.”

“Really? Doesn’t he get upset if you have to bring in ammo?”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t he jealous of your vibrator?”

Jealous of my vibrator? No, he isn’t, thankfully, nor is it a matter of “have to.” But I got what Mia was saying — some guys get really tweaked if their woman has a selection of vibrating, pulsating sex toys.


Could it have anything to do with, oh, say, length, girth, endurance …


Still, I don’t know of a woman who would choose a B.O.B. over a man, ever, despite all the jokes: “vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV; it doesn’t leave a mess behind; it doesn’t care that you gained 10 pounds; it doesn’t fall asleep and snore in your ear afterward: when we’re done with them we can stuff them back in the drawer and not hear from them until we’re ready,” etc.

OK, yes — vibrators are great. Can’t orgasm through intercourse? No problem! And for single gals, it’s what helps us stay sane during the dry spells without having to rely on booty-calls, especially if we feel conflicted about them. They’re an essential part of being sexual beings, not to mention that they just make us feel so good!

But jealous? Look, we’re not going to get “addicted”; it doesn’t mean you’re not man enough for us; and no, we’re going to permanently replace you with a Magic Wand. Still, when even Men’s Health offers tips on how to “outperform her vibrator,” a woman’s got to wonder — is this really an issue for guys?

Because I can guarantee you, we gals aren’t losing any sleep over blow-up dolls. Or your right hand.

In the end, I came home with a Pocket Rocket again; it’s small but powerful, and you know what they say — it’s not about size, but how you use it.

And that’s what I was planning to do later that night when the phone rang; it was Sean.

“What are you up to?”

“Mia and I both got new vibrators today, and I was just about to give mine a test run.”

“Can I watch?”

See, men do like vibrators after all!

  • Guys, how do you feel about vibrators?
  • Gals, have a favorite model (or two)?
  • Gals, ever have a guy freak about your sex toys?