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I’m digging those good vibrations

Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 in Happiness, masturbation, Relationships, Sex/sexuality, Singles

The way things happen around my house is the way things happen when celebrities hit the dust — in threes.

First, my CD player was flipping out, then the kitchen grinder became useless and then  — at the most inopportune time — I fried my B.O.B.

You can probably guess which upset me the most.

So, I had to take care of it as soon as possible, which would have been immediately but there were other silly things — oh, like work, a school event, seeing my tax accountant — that I had to attend to first.
I just hate when life gets in the way of the fun parts.

By the time I had a moment to breathe, the odd phenomenon that often hits women kicked in. I got a call from Mia. She and I were in sync — but since we’re menopausal, it wasn’t about our periods.

“Hey, I have to go to Pleasures. My vibrator’s on the fritz. Wanna come?”

“Are you serious? I was just going to head over there because I fried mine weeks ago and I’m desperate. There’s just so much I can ask of my fingers.”

“Good,” she said. “I’ll see you in 10.”

Now, I haven’t bought a vibrator in a while,
so when I walked in and saw all the choices, it was quite overwhelming.
It felt a little like the first time I tried online dating — this one’s awfully cute but that one’s bigger and stronger, this one’s built for speed but that one looks like a, uh, multitasker.

I was confused (especially by the ones that are shaped like animals; since when is gopher a turn-on?)

“So, which one are leaning toward?” I asked Mia.

“I want one that hits all the right spots. You?”

All the spots?  My old vibrator was a basic Pocket Rocket. I like the simplest, most straight-forward one, one that get the job done quickly so I can get on to other things, like sleep, without having every part of me stimulated. The last thing I want to do is have an orgy of one.

“Um, I think I want something simple, something Sean and I can play with together.”

“Really? Doesn’t he get upset if you have to bring in ammo?”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t he jealous of your vibrator?”

Jealous of my vibrator? No, he isn’t, thankfully, nor is it a matter of “have to.” But I got what Mia was saying — some guys get really tweaked if their woman has a selection of vibrating, pulsating sex toys.

Why?

Could it have anything to do with, oh, say, length, girth, endurance …

Ahem.

Still, I don’t know of a woman who would choose a B.O.B. over a man, ever, despite all the jokes: “vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV; it doesn’t leave a mess behind; it doesn’t care that you gained 10 pounds; it doesn’t fall asleep and snore in your ear afterward: when we’re done with them we can stuff them back in the drawer and not hear from them until we’re ready,” etc.

OK, yes — vibrators are great. Can’t orgasm through intercourse? No problem! And for single gals, it’s what helps us stay sane during the dry spells without having to rely on booty-calls, especially if we feel conflicted about them. They’re an essential part of being sexual beings, not to mention that they just make us feel so good!

But jealous? Look, we’re not going to get “addicted”; it doesn’t mean you’re not man enough for us; and no, we’re going to permanently replace you with a Magic Wand. Still, when even Men’s Health offers tips on how to “outperform her vibrator,” a woman’s got to wonder — is this really an issue for guys?

Because I can guarantee you, we gals aren’t losing any sleep over blow-up dolls. Or your right hand.

In the end, I came home with a Pocket Rocket again; it’s small but powerful, and you know what they say — it’s not about size, but how you use it.

And that’s what I was planning to do later that night when the phone rang; it was Sean.

“What are you up to?”

“Mia and I both got new vibrators today, and I was just about to give mine a test run.”

“Can I watch?”

See, men do like vibrators after all!

  • Guys, how do you feel about vibrators?
  • Gals, have a favorite model (or two)?
  • Gals, ever have a guy freak about your sex toys?


Bring on the comments

  1. Jim Everson says:

    Hmm, I guess we can expect less frequent blog updates for a while.

  2. payaxo says:

    Well Im 42 years old mexican and I dont mind havethat extra as “assistant” with my girlfriend, actually is kind of spicy, I remember when we bought our first one in San Rafael the cashier tested before we pay, wowww everybody in the store was staring at the powerful toy ,anyway I recomend it for any relationship.

  3. Nicole says:

    “Can I watch?” > Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! Having an excited on-looker just adds to the arousal level, for me anyway.

    In my experience, I’ve been lucky enough to have most of my play toys been given as “gifts”. (Now there’s a great Valentine’s gift!) Although there was that token pleasure party, of which I did indulge! So, using a vibrator or other toys was always an enhancement or change up in the fun for me and my man.

    I do have to wonder if the dimensions of the toy out-sized the “live version” would I have been met with the same enthusiasm?

    As for a favorite, I’m with you Kat: I’m partial to my bullet and in NO WAY do toys of any kind take the place of a sensual man! And personally, the sound of his snoring in my ear, while cuddling assures me it’s been a good time had by all!

  4. Kat Wilder says:

    Nicole, there is such a thing as “too big” — in vibrators only, that is 😉

  5. Kat Wilder says:

    Payaxo — the cashier tested it?!? Wow, like going to a strip club, and no drink minimum …

  6. Kat Wilder says:

    Jim — you bet. But when I return, I will be very, very happy!

  7. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog
    says:

    Good lord! I couldn’t get past that image to read this post. Yikes!

    I prefer my women have the real thing… from me!
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog ..Texting Dirty Secrets – Toronto Mayor Candidate Scandal =-.

  8. Linda says:

    After reading this post I think I have to make a trip to a certain store!

    And no, never has a guy had a problem with the toy. 🙂

  9. Steve says:

    Tool making helped humanity walk out of the caves. Ice age people made other things besides spears and rock hammers:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4713323.stm

  10. Steve says:

    I can understand. In your age range women are going through what I went through in my early teens. Masturbation didn’t take away my desire for girls. It just let me get to sleep.

  11. Mike says:

    Doesn’t bother me in the least. I would also be asking can I watch.
    .-= Mike´s last blog ..Frigid =-.

  12. Kat Wilder says:

    New blog posting, I'm digging those good vibrations – http://tinyurl.com/yzrm44d

  13. Edgar says:

    I would ask if I could help – watching is nowhere near as much fun. After all, there are plenty of parts that cry out for caresses while the B.O.B. works his charms.

    As I have been told, vibrators are just another (very intense) sensation in a palette of choices – tongues for warm and wet, fingers for a little firmer pressure (allowing tongues to wander elsewhere) and penises for that special all-over-and-in experience. One girlfriend I had once would get so worked up with the multiple O’s that she would get from all those other choices from my palette that she had to get out the Hitachi wand (Good Vibrations’ best seller) and finish herself off with a flourish – otherwise she would keep herself (and me) up all night. So, I heartily endorse whatever version of a B.O.B. is your favorite. However, that Rabbit Habit seems to be awfully complicated with all those moving parts…

  14. Vincent says:

    your new Blog is amazing. you are really in your element now with your own website. it takes my breath away how open, creative and expressive you are. helps me understand more how i’m human

  15. Kat Wilder says:

    Dads — yes, shocking, isn’t it? Be thankful you don’t have to use that big, bad, thing …

    Linda — I love that store! And, you are a lucky girl indeed — and obviously, so is he 😉

    Steve — My “age range”? Oh drat, I hate that age range. Let me rephrase it — I have an unbelievable fantastic (and noisy) O, and then I go to sleep. There, that’s better!

    Mike — yes, my male readers are smart!

    Edgar — Ditto. The Rabbit is a bit intimidating. Too many moving parts!

    Vincent — that’s what I’m here for — humanity 😉

  16. KC says:

    I use Windows 7 and every time I turn on my computer, there’s a big Vibrator staring me in the face… then I have to go in, wake up the girlfriend, take full advantage of her.. and then head to work!
    Thanks Kat !! LOL

    I love a woman that doesn’t mind sharing her pleasures with me… and watching her get off is VERY pleasurable! Helping her with her toys…. even better!

  17. Wombat
    Twitter: kissnblog
    says:

    Does it count as a threesome if the third is inanimate or battery powered?

    Jealousy seems an unlikely outcome if we look at it this way.
    .-= Wombat´s last blog ..Man Hunter =-.

  18. weetos says:

    ok not the same thing here girls.

    1. guys dont just get pleasure from sex like you we get a sense of masculinity too which you cannot understand as you do not get this. there is one main other way to get masculinity and that is fighting so if like me a man doesnt like fighting then we only really feel masculine when pleasing a girl.

    2. if we use a vibrator at the same time as having sex we do not get the masculinity because we know deep down its the vibrator giving you 80% of the pleasure.

    3. mens egos are sensitive. vibrators that are bigger in girth, length etc will make the man feel inadeqate and will hurt his ego and make us doubt ourselves.

    4. your right – you dont get jealous of blowup dolls or our rights hands but theres a couple of reasons for that:
    i)only virgins use blowup dolls.
    ii)u have no problem with us using our hands but then again most men wouldnt mind if you used your hands rather than a vibrator.
    iii)whereas a vibrator can do things better than we can, our right hands and blowup dolls cannot – you are better than our toys – a blowup doll cannot thrust back like you can, and our hands cannot give us a blowjob.
    iv)you dont have a male ego so your ego isnt going to be damaged by us masturbating even if there was something better than you out there.
    v)we cannot compare you to our hands or any other toy, or if we did it would be something like this “well they both put something around my penis went back and forth for abit until i finished” whereas you can compare length, girth(both of which you can choose to suit you ideally), stamina (which vibrators have unlimited), the speed of the vibrations (we cant vibrate) etc. and we know you will compare and quite frankly we cant compete for pleasure again denting or egos. But this means you have nothing to get jealous about.

    5. just because we say we’re ok with it does NOT mean we actually are, i have asked around the men i know and all of them say one of two things, either:
    i) im not comfortable with them and asked her not to use them. or,
    ii)i let her use them and tell her im ok with them, but im not 100% comfortable with it as i know i cant compare to it.

    i myself let my girlfriend use a vibrator but as you can tell im definatly not comfortable with it and not a day goes by that i dont have my doubts at least once because of not being able to compete with her vibrator and i really do wish vibrators had never been invented because of how inadequate they make me feel.

    end rant.

  19. weetos says:

    oh and i forgot number 6. just because a guy asks to watch doesn’t mean hes comfortable with it, men are still visual creatures and still get aroused by the thought of you using a vibrator even if we dont like it.