“So, when are we going to have sex?”
This was a rather odd, random question coming from a man I’d only known for barely two hours. Well, that’s not entirely true: we “met” online, exchanged a few e-mails, met in person for a half-hour coffee meet, and now we were on our first date.
It was the kind of question that could elicit any of a number of emotions (flattery? anger? disgust?), a dramatic, sudden departure, perhaps even a slap in the face. And although I knew little about him, this much I knew: he had pretty impish
sense of humor. So I rolled with it.
We did not have sex that night, but on our second date I knew that the next time
we got together, we would.
Yeah, it was our third date, but that wasn’t why. I don’t believe in such stupid dating restrictions as the three-date rule, etc. I’d have happily have screwed him on the first date of we were both feeling it. But, he was quirky and quite the nerd — yes, I’m talking about Ryan, the techie entrepreneur guy I dated for a little bit awhile back — and I just wasn’t sure about how I felt about him. So, I needed some time.
Which makes me wonder — how do we decide when’s the right time to have sex with someone?
Sometimes, I’m just so attracted to a
guy that I pretty much want to see him naked without even having to go out first. But, I also like the seduction: teasing, flirting, innuendos — the whole slow dance of courtship.
I’ve never had sex with a guy because I had to much to drink and my judgment was fuzzy — that’s stupid and dangerous — nor have I had a one-night stand or felt pressured to have sex because it was the legendary Third Date, but I certainly have had courtesy sex as well as NSA sex. Sometimes, I’ve had sex on the first date; sometimes, we didn’t even make out by the fifth date, let alone have sex.
When you think about it, something like a third-date rule creates an artificial pressure on the couple — maybe one or the other isn’t sure (or was sure at first glance), but now a decision “must” be made, put out or risk ending the fledgling relationship. And I know a lot of relationship experts warn not to have sex early because the guy won’t think highly of you, to which I think if that’s how a guy is going to judge me, he’s probably not someone I want to be with anyway!
Not that I’m advocating for first-date sex, but I’m not saying it’s “bad,” either.
I know men and women feel differently about this. I’m not a guy — well, doh — but from what I’ve read/heard, guys always want to have sex. Some player-types probably expect — and get — sex on the first date, but my guess is that most men would like to have sex on the first date, but are still pretty surprised if they actually get it. Guys, please set me straight. For women, it’s — like so many other things about us — much more complicated.
- So, how do you decide when to have sex for the first time with someone?
- Is first date sex OK or not OK?
- And what about that third-date rule? Silly, or not?
Photo © Aleksandar Todorovic – Fotolia.com