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The only New Year’s resolution we need

So, now it’s 2010 and I like New Year’s resolutions as much as I like New Year’s Eve.

Which means not very much.

But I’m all for self-improvement; I just don’t want to feel pressured about it or have it be somewhat artificial. I think it’s the kind of thing that needs to happen year-round, every year, lifelong.

Still, I went to the gym this weekend; it was packed, as you’d
expect, filled with people determined that “this will be the year I …” Like the two women on the treadmill next to me, vowing to workout three times a week to finally get fit.

Losing weight or getting in shape has got to be the
No. 1 New Year’s resolution.  body image

Not a bad one, if you have to make them, but if I had to pick just one resolution, it would be this: have more and better sex. Which you’d most likely have if you loved your body, whatever shape it’s in.

Nothing gets you out of the mood more than hating your body. And, you know, skinny women can hate their body, too, so it’s not just about weight (and a study a few years ago said fat women had more sex than skinny women. So there!)

I never hear men go on and on about their weight, although there might be some who do. But I’ve rarely heard a woman not obsess about it, even my size 2 friends! Now, it even has a name: Negative Body Obsession (NBO). OK, well we gals have a lot of pressure from the media that guys don’t necessarily have (unless they’re trying to look like a cover of Men’s Health, which looks
pretty damn hot, BTW), plus women are judged more on their beauty — and, of course, T&A.

I wonder what men think about women who are unhappy with their body or weight and complain about it … but never do anything about it. Or they’re constantly dieting and then gaining it right back.  I imagine most don’t want to bed a skeleton. And, although some, like Sean, are turned off by fat women (as I am by fat guys), there are plenty who are OK with — or actually prefer — BBW. I don’t think any of them want a women to start off as a, say size 6, and then balloon up to a 14, either.

You have to wonder how Marilyn Monroe, for a longtime the sexiest woman alive, would fare today. Would her voluptuousness be considered fat?

But I’m guessing more than anything, men want women to feel comfortable with their body so they can eat more than a salad (dressing on the side), get undressed in front of them, turn the lights on when having sex, and not worry so much about how fat they may or may not be so that they can actually enjoy sex!

Oh, yeah — and stop talking about it!

Because when women freak about their body, men suffer, too.

  • So, guys, how do you feel when women go on and on about how unhappy they are with their body?
  • And, how would you feel if your gal when from a size 4 or 6 to a 12 or 14, the average size for women nowadays?


Bring on the comments

  1. Steve says:

    I never hear men go on and on about their weight, although there might be some who do. But I’ve rarely heard a woman not obsess about it,

    Yes, but bring up career and money issues with men. Once you pull the upper layers of gender relations & issues off women are evaluated by their looks and men are evaluated by their power, money and/or achievements.

    This is why you see more out of shape and poorly dressed men.

    On the other side of things this is also why you see more fully adult women still taking money from their parents and boyfriends.

    Notice that I said “more”, not “all” 🙂

  2. Steve says:

    So, guys, how do you feel when women go on and on about how unhappy they are with their body?

    I think it is the same as any situation where any person complains about the situation they are in without ever doing anything about it.

    First you are supportive, then you get tired of hearing it and lastly you become less sympathetic.

    Several years ago I lost 48 lbs by keeping a daily food diary and counting calories. It took me about a year going at about a pound a week. It wasn’t always easy, but it was far from being the trauma that many people, especially women make it out to be.

    I say that having always been a person with a slow metabolism, weight/body image issues and having done it at a later age with old sports injuries.


    And, how would you feel if your gal when from a size 4 or 6 to a 12 or 14, the average size for women nowadays?

    I can’t say as I have no mental image of what those sizes mean.

    I think it is like anything else in a relationship. If a partner lets themselves go in a particular area first you shrug it off, then you try to help them and if it gets serious you have some talks.

    The Marilyn Monroe example is interesting to me as I don’t see why she is used as an example.

    I am not a “chubby chaser” by any means and I don’t see how she qualifies for “voluptuous” or even “thick” as in sexy and thick.

    I remember when the movie Titanic came out I heard a lot of people, mostly women, dis Kate Winslet as being too heavy for the role.
    As with Monroe, I was surprised she was brought up in that context and couldn’t see what they see.

    The fashion industry is run by gay men and women who have internalized runway models as the ideal. I’m guessing regular women have internalized that look as an ideal as well so women see Monroe and Winslet as heavy.

    IMHO, most straight men haven’t done this. While they do not want an out of shape women they also want women built like women.

  3. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog
    says:

    I agree when women hate their bodies, it puts a huge negative spin on any relationship a man wants to have with her. I also don’t think women have to have the perfect figure. My best girlfriend post-divorce was not the body type I would have selected at all – but she rocked as a girlfriend and as a person. She was vibrant and compassionate like no one else.

    Oh, and men do stress about our weight. I gained over the holidays, and I already worked my ass off cycling to burn it back off!

  4. Mike says:

    I don’t find it an attractive quality, but I rarely find a woman who is happy with her body.

    The weight gain isn’t great, but I have a problem with not doing anything about it. Taking care of your body is one way to say I love you. A healthier person will live longer and have less problems than an unhealthy person. I’ve been on the otherside of a unhealthy spouse for a long time and it’s not fun.

  5. Kat Wilder says:

    New blog posting, The only New Year's resolution we need – http://tinyurl.com/yfh6qst

  6. Travis
    Twitter: CulminatingLife
    says:

    I see the question about how I feel when a women goes on-and-on in a interesting way. When I hear it, what I hear, is that they need to hear the confirmation that they are beautiful, that I still find her attractive. And when I hear this. I just walk up, put my arms around and tell her she is the most beautiful women in the world (Which is not a lie) and then I go on and on about what makes her beautiful. (All true) which then I see an interesting and wonderful reaction come from it.

    I would be worried about her. Something isn’t okay with her, and I would want to find out. Is she depressed, worried, stressed. I would just want to communicate what’s going on. If it’s nothing, then it’s nothing. But if she is all worried about something, or the fact that it could be physical, then I would worry. But I would never judge, and I would always see the beauty that she is.

  7. Wombat
    Twitter: kissnblog
    says:

    Kat, you give me an idea. How about a Malcolm Gladwell hyphen style end hyphen book called Fat: The Belly You Adopted from Africa(One hundred thousand years ago.) ?

    Big, gutsy audience there, babe.

  8. Kat Wilder says:

    Steve — Hmm, well you bring up some good points. I didn’t realize men obsess — or at least worry — about career, achievement, etc.

    As for talking about your partner’s ballooning weight with her … uh, good luck!

    Dads — That’s what I’ve heard from a lot of men, too. Wonder why we gals don’t get that. And, I am sure men stress about their weight (well, some men!); my observation is that they don’t talk about it to death!

    Mike — indeed, Taking care of your body is one way to say I love you — and self-love, too. I am all for the fat acceptance movement, but if it’s just an excuse to continue to pound McDonald’s, uh, no!!

    Travis — That’s a very kind way to approach it, but knowing women as I do, that’s likely to just piss her off. We often complain and we don’t want anyone to fix it for us — which men like to do — and worrying that’s something is “wrong” isn’t great, either.

    Sadly, she’s not going to see the “beauty” she is unless she she’s it herself first, and then in your eyes.

    Wombat — I like it! But, I like anything Mr. Gladwell writes.

  9. Steve says:

    Steve — Hmm, well you bring up some good points. I didn’t realize men obsess — or at least worry — about career, achievement, etc.

    It is our version of obsessing over how big our asses look