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Where not to meet men and other nonsense

Posted on Tuesday, December 29, 2009 in dating, hookups, Singles

Sean and I were at a dinner party thrown by a couple neither of us knew very well, the kind of party in which couples weren’t seated together. So, in between my conversations with my rather charming dinner neighbors, I would sometimes glance over at Sean; he was seated next to the hostess and he was clearly charming her.

Not surprising; he sure charmed me when we met, and continues to. He’s not the player kind of charmer, but he’s an interesting person, the kind of guy who has lots of interesting stories and who knows how to tell them.

It was weird but, my chest swelled (it’s a good look plus it’s a helluva lot cheaper way to increase a bra size than surgery and a lot more comfortable than a Wonderbra) and I felt kind of proud. Then I felt awfully silly because, what the hell was I proud of? He’s lived a number of decades before I was even in the picture, so most of his interesting stories happened way before me. And, it’s not like he’s The Kid and I can take some responsibility — deserved or not — for the fine young man he’s turned out to be. Sean’s accomplishments and life story really have
to do with me, and mine have
nothing to do with him.  match

But, silly or not, it feels really good when others dig the person we love because it’s a
reminder that, hey, we made a good choice.

If it’s true that we gravitate toward people who are like us, well, if we’re with someone who’s smart, funny, sexy and kind, then we must be smart, funny, sexy and kind, too.

So, everyone’s always surprised when they find out how we met — online.

“You did not!” they exclaim.

“Yes, we did!”

Why is it so shocking that there are some good people on dating sites. You’re on it, right? It’s like saying you wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have you. OK, sure, I’ve heard all the stories — you can’t find anyone who’s “real” online; you see the same men over and over again; all they’re after are booty calls — and I’ve experienced a few of them, too.

And I met some guys who were players or losers or relatively nice guys who had zip sex appeal or who were still mourning their last relationship — or not quite out of it (and may not even ever have had the intention to get out of it). But, I also met a handful of really nice guys whose company I enjoyed. And then, I met Sean.

He was the keeper.

What difference does it make where or how you meet someone — whether it’s a strip club, bar, concert, church, psychic fair, cougar night, Star Trek convention, museum, bookstore or online? Because I’ve indulged in almost all of those (I’ll leave it for you to guess which ones I haven’t). Honestly, haven’t we all found ourselves in some odd places at some point in our life? And sometimes that’s the exact moment when the stars align and in walks Mr. Wonderful.

It doesn’t really matter where you meet someone; what matters is who the person is and what happens after you meet. If he’s a quality guy, you keep him; if not, you let him go. Or, at the least, you have your hookup and move on.

You just have to be able to figure that out.

  • Where have you met past or present sweeties?
  • Were you ever embarrassed by that?
  • Do you have dating rules about where you “should” or “shouldn’t” meet someone?

Bring on the comments

  1. Steve says:

    So, everyone’s always surprised when they find out how we met — online.

    “You did not!” they exclaim.

    A few years ago I lost 48 lbs. I got asked a lot how I did it. I got the same response when I told them calorie counting and exercise.

    I think people want to hear a more magical answer, or at least a more entertaining one than “ordinary method, repeated and elbow grease”.

  2. Mike says:

    Like you said you can meet someone anyplace as long as you are open to it.

    I don’t do online anymore. I dated a lot on there, but I did find that most women that I dated didn’t really ever get out. I’m not a partier or bar hopper, but I’m socially active and I want a person that is the same.

  3. Honey
    Twitter: honeyandlance

    I briefly dated a guy I met on Match who insisted that we lie to his friends and family about how we met. What a turnoff (that one didn’t last long).

    I met Jake on Myspace. When Myspace was still cool. Wrap your head around that one 🙂 We tell the story all the time, though – we think it’s awesome!

  4. KC says:

    Funny subject, I was just at a family dinner, meeting my girlfriends Father and Step Mother and her daughter started telling a story about how she “picked” me when we were on line, for her mother… it felt uncomfortable because the older generation isn’t hip to On Line Dating. I guess I’m of that generation to because I never thought I would meet someone “on line” but I have to say, it makes it a whole lot easier doing it on line. You learn a lot about a person just by the way they write and what they say, their likes, dislikes and what they are in to…. the thought of going to a bar or other event and meeting someone just seems “old fashioned” besides, your choices are right in front of you, you all know why you’re there and you don’t have to buy dinner for 20 people just to find out that you don’t have anything in common…
    I met my girlfriend a year and a half ago… and she picked me….. so I guess on line dating does have it’s benefits !
    And yes, I did the booty calls for a while on line but that was what I needed to do at the time….. Still way better than meeting a drunk chick in a bar ! (grin)

  5. Kat Wilder says:

    New blog posting, Where not to meet men and other nonsense –

  6. Lindsay says:

    As we now do everything else online, why not date online? All human life is there – some good [even great] some a bit weird and some downright awful – one just has to work out one’s own personal dating rules and keep refining them in the light of new experiences. Also having a really thick skin helps but I have found that being polite and funny has proven a successful combination in meeting some very nice men.

  7. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog

    I agree it doesn’t matter where you meet. And I have nothing against online dating as a way to meet people – except that it hasn’t worked for me and tens of millions of others who used it! I prefer meeting women the old fashioned way – in person. Nearly all of my girlfriends, post divorce, were women at met at parties: birthday parties, block parties, barbecues, dinner parties, etc. Focus on growing your friend network and you’ll meet great people to date!

  8. Kat Wilder says:

    Steve — Magic will always trump reality, right?

    Mike — Really? The ladies didn’t go out? What did they do for fun (not to say that staying home with a good book, a glass of zin and a B.O.B. isn’t fun, but still …)

    Honey — I think MySpace should promo you and Jake — Bringing people together since when we were cool … or something like that, ya know?

    KC — Yes! Way better than picking someone up in a bar.But, it’s funny that older generations think online is weird; back in the old days, there were arranged marriages, and about-to-be-marrieds never even saw their “beloved” before their wedding day.

    Lindsay — so true. And, you know, sometimes you get really good stories out of ’em!

    Dads — I have never met a guy at a party; well, in the last decade, anyway. That could say more about the parties I go to than anything else. Should I move down to the Peninsula?????

  9. Edgar says:

    Damn – was that you in that Lt. Uhuru miniskirt? I never knew you were the soon-to-be-famous Kat.

    I’ve met the serious sweeties in my life in various ways – at parties, at a work conference, and online. My current one, who is definitely a keeper, and I met via an online dating site. Unlike Dads, my experience has been generally positive in that arena, and it’s not uncommon. After all, the majority of romantic connections that people over 30 make these days is via online dating sites. So, I endorse that mechanism – after all, it brought you and Sean together, n’est-ce pas?

  10. Kat Wilder says:

    Edgar — Yes. Lt. Uhuru was quite the sexpot … I know that many people have experiences like Dad’s has online. It can be frustrating, but so can the old-fashioned ways. So, I see it as just another tool in the dating toolbox (like a screwdriver … 😉