In praise of older women
I’ve been reading the buzz about director Jason Reitman (“Juno,” “Thank You for Smoking”) and his new film “Up In the Air,” which has just been named best film of the year by the National Board of Review, but most of what I’ve read has been pretty much the same. Then I read an interview with Roger Ebert, and I was struck by something Reitman said:
“I’ve always been curious about older women and an obsession with really smart women; women who were just too smart for their own good,
who were burdened by their own intelligence.”
And then, the kicker: Reitman admitted that he moved in with a woman who was 25 when he was just 16 and still in high school — (“I cannot even begin to tell how upset this made my family,” he said; doh!) — and lived with her for seven years.
Wow!
Besides the fact that Ms. 25-year-old was shagging a minor (illegal, but I do believe that all young people should lose their virginity to an older, experienced lover), you’ve got to wonder what was going on in his parents’ mind. I think when your kid is 16 you can still pretty much control his goings-on (uh, but don’t ask The Kid about that), and tell him, “No way in hell you’re going to be living with a 25-year-old!”
But it made me think about the allure of older women (although, granted, 25 is hardly “old”).
When I was in my teens and early 20s, there wasn’t much there there, but there really didn’t have to be. Like most sweet young things, I was cute and had a nice tight bod. That always seemed to be enough to attract guys. I was shy but I always had boyfriends. Then I attracted a husband.
But when you’re older, you can’t get by on just looks and a bod, mostly because you don’t always have them anymore. You have to offer a man (or, you know, a woman) something more — brains, humor, sensuality, femininity, a sense of independence … I had inklings of those when I was younger, but they’ve blossomed as I’ve aged. I’m a much more interesting person now (although I’m not too smart for my own good).
I’m guessing Reitman, whose wife of five years, Michele Lee, is five years older than he, wasn’t your typical 16-year-old boy either (cause I look at The Kid and think about him living with a 25-year-old woman and OMG!); most teen girls want older boys, not younger.
But if his relationship with an older woman influenced his filmmaking, and it appears it does — his women tend to be strong, smart and independent — then maybe Reitman was on to something. We like mentors at work; what about mentors in life and love?
- Have you become a more interesting person as you’ve aged?
- Are you, too, attracted to older men/women?
- Would you let your teenager move in with an older man/woman?
![[Valid RSS]](valid-rss.png "Validate my RSS feed")
Twitter: honeyandlance
says:
I’ve definitely become more interesting as I’ve gotten older…not that 30 is old
I think that developmentally younger people are very self-centered (and this is not a judgment, just an observation…) and once you’re in your late 20s and beyond you finally get out of that stage and become really capable of empathy and generosity, which complements any intellectual developments nicely. A friend told me once, “to be interesting, you have to be interested,” and I think it’s true.
I’ve dated older, younger, and my age. Jake and I are 3 months apart, and I do like that we appreciate all the same cultural references. For most of my active single/dating time, though I did tend to go for older guys, but that’s because I was in my early and mid 20s and the vast majority of guys that age just don’t have it together
Twitter: dadshouseblog
says:
Ever since high school, I was attracted to older women. One or two years older, not eight. Now that I’m middle aged, I’ve found the older man younger woman dynamics have worked great for me with lovers. http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/09/28/older-men-and-younger-women/ Yes, women I’ve been with like that I’m more experienced in bed, and more giving than men their age. (These women were late 20s)
But for relationships? I do better with someone closer to my own life stage.
Smart, confident women rock, btw.
Twitter: youshouldknowca
says:
New blog posting, In praise of older women – http://tinyurl.com/ylhufvf
We like mentors at work; what about mentors in life and love?
The elite of ancient Greece had something similar going on, albeit with a homosexual twist ( they didn’t think women were worthy of either educations or a “higher love”. Don’t blame me, blame Plato ).
A mentor would give a young man a literal education and an “education” for a few years.
Something similar adapted to our culture makes some sense. Women in their late 30s and men in their late teens have similar drives. A really cool woman could have a beneficial maturing effect on a younger man in that situation.
Have you become a more interesting person as you’ve aged?
I’d answer that, but I feel I would be a bit biased
.
Are you, too, attracted to older women?
I used to be. Since I was teenager I found women in their 30′s – mid 40s to be among the most interesting. Now that I am in that age range I still appreciate them, but they are no longer “older women”.
Would you let your teenager move in with an older man/woman?
Honestly, as a parent it would push all of my emotion buttons. For a daughter I would probably be less flexible on an age gap. I would be more concerned about my child leaving home early.
Assuming an 18 year old son, having gone away to college I can’t see anything different that an older woman, say 27, could do to him that a woman his own age couldn’t.
Both would sleep with him.
Both could break his heart.
Both could have an influence on him.
Both could manipulate him.
Both could get him into bad habits.
Both could could distract him too much from his studies, though I think this is less likely with an older woman.
An older woman may be less likely go give him a disease, get pregnant or get him into something stupid.
Even with a same age girlfriend, his regular guy friends in college could get him into drugs, excessive drinking.
OTOH, the young director you mentioned in your post was an exceptional person for his age.
Most 16 year old boys don’t have a lot going on above the waist, at least not enough for most 25 year old women.
I would tend to think that a woman that age interested in an ordinary 16 year old boy, beyond sex, would have some unresolved maturity issues.
Honey — Your friend is smart: “to be interesting, you have to be interested.” It’s true. Maybe people in their 20s are still trying to figure it out; I know I was. And, oh, to be 30 again!
Dads – Yeah, “Smart, confident women rock” indeed!
Steve — well, didn’t the Greeks have it going on (if you were a guy, that is)
When a kid is 18, though, that’s different than 16; I may not be happy but I would be more flexible, you know?
I have always enjoyed my experiences with older women. They typically know what they like and aren’t afraid to ask for it. In detail.
I happen to like a heavy dose of dirty talk during sex, but that requires confidence from all parties involved. Older women can really bring it in this area.