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How to be good in bed

Posted on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 in Honesty, Relationships, Sex/sexuality

A few years ago, when one of those celebrity homemade porn tapes was making the Internet rounds, I somehow found myself watching one.

Oh, don’t be so surprised: As much as I like porn,
I don’t spend a lot of time actually watching it. modern bed

So the actress (whose name escapes me) was giving her guy a blowjob and I was blown away — it was the worst blowjob I’d ever seen! Not that I’ve seen too many of them in person — still, I’ve seen my share — but she had no style or variation. It was boring! Sure, the guy looked pretty happy; maybe he just didn’t know better. Or maybe he was just grateful to get one from her.

Or maybe he’s one of those people who thinks any blowjob is better than no blowjob, or that there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob, there’re just better blowjobs. (although, let’s not forget the dreaded dry blowjobs …)

Anyway, I kept thinking — I give better blowjobs than that.!

Because I do (and don’t ask me how I know …)

But it made me think about sex (well, I’m always thinking about sex, so that’s a no-brainer) — if you don’t watch porn, go to sex parties or engage in threesomes and you’re not a peeping tom, how do you ever measure up your sexual techniques? How do you know if you’re good in bed?

Your partner may be waking up the neighbors with her screaming or gouging your back with her nails or moaning, “yes, yes, YES!” — and it could all be a show, you know?

Porn can teach you some things, but it’s still a “show.” I mean, how many of us are going to do the double action — you know, front door and, uh, back? And forget about sex advice from the “experts,” which is often ridiculous.We know a lot more about sex, thankfully, but a lot of us worry if we’re “good” at it.

If you have a trusting relationship with your partner, you can ask or tell and feel pretty confident that you’re hearing the truth. But there’re always ways to be better, and you have to learn that — and books can only go so far.

I think that’s why I think amateur porn is so popular — it’s real people having real sex. They look like us, more or less.

So, how do you know if you’re good in bed?

Bring on the comments

  1. Travis
    Twitter: CulminatingLife

    If your muscles aren’t shaking and have no strength, your brain hasn’t stopped functioning and don’t feel a tingling sensation, I didn’t do it well enough.

    But, your going to know. Always work for more than you think they want. At that point, you will easily reach a new height.

  2. Mister Ben says:

    Ugh… I definitely know the difference between a good BJ and a bad one. I’ve gotten some truly great ones – best ones ever were from my wife (seriously!) – and some that just had me confused. There is an art to it. I think one of the most important elements is genuine enthusiasm. I think you know what I mean, Kat. Some people relish the opportunity and others view it as a chore.

    I think a good indicator of whether or not you’re good in bed is if your partner comes back asking for more. Right?

  3. Honey
    Twitter: honeyandlance

    Well I remember the day Jake told me, “You’re the best lover I ever had. I waited 6 months to tell you that because every girl wants to hear it…but it’s true, so I had to tell you.”

    And I believe him because he’s the best lover I’VE ever had, so it only makes sense that it would be mutual 🙂

  4. Linda says:

    I like what Mister Ben said about genuine enthusiasm. If you act like its a chore and something to “get done with” then the other person can sense matter what you are doing with them.

  5. mama llama says:

    I suppose I’ve always been told…or there’s always the coming back for more factor. I even had one BF tell me, a LONG time ago while I was being dumped, that he didn’t want to give up the sex, just the relationship.

    Great. 😉

    I’m a bit out of practice now. Wondering if it is like riding a bike–and yes, practice does make perfect.

    Be well, Kat.

  6. Kat Wilder says:

    Travis — Yeah, it does kind of look like that! A few times, I had to be scrapped off the floor …

    Mister Ben — yes, I do know what you mean 😉 Enthusiasm is essential.

    Honey — When partners match up in that way — the scent, the energy, the passion, the bones hitting in the right way — when it’s all in synch … wow!

    Linda — Washing the dishes is a chore. Doing the laundry is a chore. Paying the bills is a chore. Licking my man’s, uh, manhood? Pleasure, baby!

    Mama Llama — Hmm, yes, well we’ve all had those kind of relationships. Sorry. But, not so sure practice makes perfect; you can spend many imperfect years if no one’s honest, ya know? Be well, too …

  7. brian says:

    From an old Richard Pryor routine (language cleaned up)
    Cuz she stops talking and goes to sleep

  8. Mark says:

    How can you tell? If you have to ask you’ve got a problem. The best bait I’ve heard so far for a BJ proposal is I’m better than a gay guy, to which I wondered how would you know (?), cause I’ll probably never know (unless I’m facing a life sentence), and in the end (well not quite there) I was pleasantly surprised. Don’t forget the chipped ice swirl technique,ai yi yi… mind blowingly wonderful!

  9. VJ says:

    So, how do you know if you’re good in bed?

    1.) You broke it down.

    2.) You get enthusiastic Thank yous afterwards.

    3.) No one’s able to move afterwards for quite awhile.

    4.) Your eardrums hurt from the screaming, and the rest of you is marked by the passion.

    5.) The neighbors complain about your frequency & all the ‘racket’.

    6.) They come back for more sooner.

    7.) They’ve got an all day smile & glow afterwards.

    8.) They’re more willing to do x, y or Z afterwards.

    9.) They don’t complain to you about much of anything for the next few hours/days/weeks.

    10.) They’re more willing to put up with x, y, z, q & s too somehow. Perhaps even when they really shouldn’t.

    Just some thoughts mostly drawn from some personal experience. Cheers, ‘VJ’