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Up in the air, and then on your back

Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 in Affairs/infidelity, Honesty, hookups, Marriage, Relationships, Sex/sexuality

Since we were talking about infidelity — yes, we were, because no one seems to be able to stop chatting up the Tiger Woods scandal — I thought about something I read about him recently, that he was away from home for some 40 weeks out of the year.

And, surprise, none of the women he’s bedded live anywhere near the suburban Orlando home he shared with his (now departed) family — although, perhaps we should give it some time …

Which brings up the stereotype that most people who travel for business cheat (although some people, unaware that women also travel for business, want to blame it all on men. Hate that.)

airport sign

Fact or fiction?

My (female) friend who goes to a few conventions a year for business would say, OMG, yes; it’s the old “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” mentality, whether it’s actually in Vegas or not.

Why? Because “if you’re married with kids, a business trip is like an escape to Disney Land,” says Gen Y career adviser/blogger Penelope Trunk.

“There are no kids to feed and bathe. There’s no husband for annoying talks about checkbook balances and the next day’s school lunch. There is only freedom and fun. And what does anyone want to do with freedom and fun except have sex?”

Right. (Although for some women, shopping, followed by a mani/pedi-facial-massage might be No. 1)

Now, I haven’t done a lot of business travel, but have I chatted up or been chatted up by men in airport or hotel bars? Doh. Could I have done a Tiger? Of course — it’s almost hand-delivered to you — but I didn’t because I’ve never had a one-night stand. Instead, I cheated in my ‘hood, and I was surprised  how easy it is to cheat. Really.

However, my former hubby did travel a lot … and he cheated on me.

Coincidence? Hmm …

So, was the fact that Tiger was away from his family so often help him cheat, or would he have done it anyway? One lover said he’s “well-endowed,” so maybe he’s got BDS and would have been chasing skirt around Orlando (Orlando?). Who knows and, better yet, who cares.

But, if your partner’s got his/her bags packed for the next meeting in “Disney Land,” it might be something you’d want to discuss .

  • Do you think most people who travel for business cheat?
  • Have you?


Bring on the comments

  1. Single Mom Seeking
    Twitter: singlemomseekin
    says:

    First, I’m super-curious about the blog move. Do tell. And congrats!!

    Great angle here on the infidelity issue. When I first found out that my boyfriend traveled often for work, I was extremely skeptical (yeah, I’ve got some trust issues).

    In the end, I don’t think it has anything to do with traveling. As you’ve said, it’s a Matter of Trust.

  2. Steve says:

    From what I have seen cheating is COMMON and it is common for women to cheat too.

    For some reason, the perception is different in regards to women. Like how Wood’s wife can attack him with golf clubs and not end up in jail.

    I think cheating is about character, not opportunity. People who want to cheat will find a way.

    I’ve had the opportunity and the strong temptation to be someone’s paramour. I remember how I felt when I was a kid and my father cheated on my mom. Ugly. I also thought how I would feel about myself if I did decide let those women cheat with me.

    Not worth it.

  3. Honey
    Twitter: honeyandlance
    says:

    It’s not just traveling for business (if you ever vacation without your significant other), Lance has blogged about this:
    http://honeyandlance.com/does-international-nooky-count-as-cheating

    I have definitely been approached at academic conferences and it’s my perception that since the same conferences tend to have the same folks each go-round, it’s possible to have longer-term affairs that your SO will probably not find out about. Once I met Jake I usually brought him with me and when I didn’t, shared a hotel room with some girlfriends so this wouldn’t have been an issue even if I had the inclination, which I don’t.

    Which is not to say that I’ve never cheated – just not on Jake 🙂

  4. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog
    says:

    Tiger traveled 40 weeks out of 52 each year? Hell, he didn’t have a family. He had pen pals. And that’s if he wrote.

    I never traveled extensively for work. I like staying near my kids. I don’t really know how extensive travelers spend their time. I imagine if I was gone 40 weeks a year, I’d want someone to hold. And if that’s the case, why be married.

  5. KC says:

    I used to travel for work. Did it for 2 years. I was basically part of a “circus” going from Mall to Mall, building new restaurants. Every 6 weeks we were in a new town. I went home on the weekends.. but on occasions, I had to work the weekends. I was putting in 18 hour days to finish on time…. sending my paycheck home to support the family. I never had nor looked to cheat on my wife…. but my being gone, gave her the opportunity to cheat on me… it ended our marriage. Did my being away cause her to cheat… I don’t think so… as they say…. “it’s in their nature”

  6. Edgar says:

    Traveling for work can be either a pleasant opportunity for fun (conferences are one example, unless you’re organizing it) or can be a real drag – if you have meetings all day and then have to catch up on e-mails at night. KC’s experience sounds like more of the latter. With such unfortunate consequences… But I think he’s right – cheating can be done right here in River City, without having to go far afield.

    And I’m amazed that you’ve never had a one night stand. What were you doing in your 20’s? Oh, that’s right – you married young and had Trent not long after, so you didn’t get to that phase until recently. I guess at our advanced ages (ha!), sex is much more enjoyable if you like the person.

  7. Kat Wilder says:

    SMS — So happy to see you here. Ah yes, the move, well, I just needed to make some changes for now.

    The trust issue is a huge one; however, we have all, at one point or another, out our trust in someone who didn’t deserve it. Then, the bigger thing to look it at is — can we trust ourselves to make good love decisions? Oy vey!

    Steve — Do you think you’re dad’s affair had an impact on how you enter and handle relationshiops now? I mean, I guess that could be a motivating factor: I saw the damage, I’ll never do that. Yet, I think the stats show that those whose parents cheated, cheat just like those whose parents divorced, divorce. Nice legacy …

    Honey — Oh, yeah; cheating is very easy logistically if not always emotionally.
    So, how does Jake feel about your past, uh, transgressions, and why does he trust you now?

    Dads — Well, that gets into the question of how often do you have to be around to have a family? The big corp. honchos and lawyers who log 70, 80-hours a week — is that much different?

    I’ve asked that question of my friends — could you be in a relationship with someone if his custody schedule and yours gave you juts a few days a month together? Most said no, even if in all other respects he was The One. Interesting …

    Edgar — hey, nice to see you here. Well, it’s not like I ever planned not to have a one-nighter; it’s just the guy and I wanted repeat, uh, performances. 😉

  8. Steve says:

    @Kat.

    My parents and their dysfunctional have effected my relationships. On the upside, I have never cheated or allowed myself to be the one somebody else is cheating with. I also have zero tolerance for women who shriek or name call during arguments.

    Parents do have a tremendous influence on their kids, not just in what they say, but in what they do.

    However, it still comes down to choice. If people want to be a certain way badly enough they will pull away from what they learned.

  9. Steve says:

    Okay Kat.

    You have quite a bit of writing talent, but that is true for all of us. If you decide to install the plugin to let commentators edit their comments I will not complain.

    Steve – the handsome, but proofreading challenged.

  10. Travis
    Twitter: CulminatingLife
    says:

    Kat,

    I was the business traveler, and my wife at the time cheated on me when I went away. and I only went every so often…

    The worst time, funny enough was when we went a on a business trip with another couple spouses came, and while his wife was pregnant and I was pretty sick… those two had a night-uninterruptus.

    Business trips where fraught with concern and worry about what was going on at home, Now that I’m single, and I’m going on a business trip this next spring to a conference at Disneyworld no-less. and I’m pretty certain that my biggest excitement is going to the parks.

  11. […] now, I’m not saying this happens often, or to many people.  But business trip sex does happen to some folks, sometimes. While it wasn’t a goal of mine to hook up, I figured it […]

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