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A matter of trust

Posted on Friday, December 4, 2009 in Honesty, Relationships, Sex/sexuality

“When will it end?” Christine sighed as a few of us sat under the stars in Sara’s hot tub last week.

“What end? Are you going all 2012 on us?” I asked.

“No, I mean the pill. I’m 45 and still have to take stupid birth control pills.”

“Well, you could stop.”the pill

“Yeah and maybe we’ll be throwing you a ‘miracle baby’ shower in nine months,” Sara snarked.

“Why can’t they invent The Pill for men?”

“I think they’re close to it; I remember reading somewhere about that. But, it’s never gonna fly.”

“Why?” Sara asked. “Cause men won’t take it? I mean, they’re not the ones who blimp out and get ripped in two giving birth.”

“Right, but they still have to pay for that baby whether they want her or not. I think most would take a pill, but I’m not so sure we’d trust they’d take it,” I said.

“That’s not true!” Christine protested.

Despite Christine’s protestations, her sistas disagree; 76 percent of women say they’re more responsible than guys about birth control.

This, despite another study in which 68 percent of women said they’re all for a male birth control pill.

Which, I guess, means we want guys to have the option, we just won’t believe that they’ll take ’em.


So, are women really saying that they don’t trust men? What in our experience with men would make us think that they wouldn’t remember to take their pill? I mean, most can remember the most inane things, like the baseball team holds the record for the most home runs in a game and things like that.

And I know enough men who took, uh, drugs, on a regular basis …

Maybe it’s the way women have been brought up to think about men — that they only want us for one thing (and, no, it isn’t to bring them the remote control and a beer. Oh yeah, naked).

But you have to wonder why men trust women to be on top of the birth control thing  — especially when almost all of us know women who have forgotten (honestly) and “forgotten” because they want their partner to commit — and a baby will do that, right? Sometimes. Or maybe they just want a baby even if he doesn’t want kids?

Of course, birth control pills mess up a woman’s mind about men, and maybe even “make” her cheat. Not to mention the men who are unknowingly raising kids that aren’t biologically theirs.

Maybe neither gender is all that trustworthy.

  • If you’re a woman, would you trust a man to take a male birth control pill?
  • Have you ever not taken birth control on purpose and didn’t tell?
  • If you’re  a guy, do you trust women who say they’re on The Pill?
  • Has that ever been a bad idea?

Bring on the comments

  1. Steve says:

    Lets assume a male birth control exists and STDs are not a concern.

    Should men take at least equal responsibility for preventing unwanted pregnancy via a pill?


    If a man says he is on the pill will he be sterile 100% of the time he has sex?


    Mistakes happen. Lies do too.

    Who gets stuck being pregnant despite the Shoulds being 100% true?

    The woman.

    That is the bottom line.

    A woman can choose to depend on the “letter of the law” of the Should or she can make a more effective choice for avoiding getting.

    Unfair? Of course.

    Will this unfairness change? Not likely.

    Will harping about a Should do anything other than making a person angry that thing aren’t the way they ought to be?

    Not likely.

  2. Jolene says:

    I love my man but there is no way in hell I would trust him to take “the pill” every day. I don’t even trust myself in taking the pill so I got an IUD (best thing on earth!!)

    But to answer your questions…. No I wouldn’t trust a guy, and Yes, I have “forgotten” to take my pill, but thankfully my plan didn’t work and I was baby free.

  3. Wombat
    Twitter: kissnblog

    I’ve had a vasectomy.

    Does that count?

  4. Honey
    Twitter: honeyandlance

    I love the pill – I only have a period once a year at a time of my choosing, and when I do it’s 3 days, no cramps. Can’t beat that! Plus it keeps my skin clear.

    If they did come out with a pill for men, I’d want Jake to take it (a backup never hurts) but I’d never stop taking the pill myself because I think it’s awesome.

    I don’t think it’s a matter of trust necessarily, since no method is fullproof it makes sense to use them all. I have a friend who has been pregnant 5 times (2 children, 3 abortions) and she was on the pill every.single.time. She may have forgotten, though she never “forgot,” (wow, she would’ve been a great candidate for an IUD like Jolene.

  5. Kat Wilder says:

    Steve — sigh. I hate when people are so damn rational!

    Jolene — Thank you for your honesty. Is that “no way in hell I would trust him” isolated to just The Pill? Cause, you know …

    Wombat — you get bonus points, except with women whose biological clocks are waaaay past the point of gentle reminders.

    Honey — The Pills is different now. Back in my day (ugh, am I dating myself?), they were a piece of work. So, like Jolene, I had an IUD too, and loved it. Now? Uh, let’s not go there …

  6. dadshouse
    Twitter: dadshouseblog

    I must be sleeping with the other 24% of women. You have no idea how many women I meet who don’t even think about protection. But I have no desire to father more kids, or get STDs.