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Dec 31

Stripping down my New Year’s Eve

Posted on Thursday, December 31, 2009 in Happiness, Relationships, Sex/sexuality, teens/teenagers

“I can’t decide what to do,” Sara says, calling me when I’m crazy-busy at work as if I have nothing else to do but solve her dilemmas. Sara calls me more than my mother, Sean and The Kid combined.

I’m starting to worry; it’s dysfunctional.

Still, I fall for the bait. Lemmings to the sea and whatnot. “Do about
what
?” new year

“New Year’s.”

“Girlfriend, I think you might be a little late on that one. It’s, like, happening in 40 hours. Realistically, what are your options at this point?”

“A party — I’ve already RSVP’d I’m coming so it’s totally OK — or stay home and watch that new Brad Pitt movie, you know the one.”

“I’m not a good one to ask on this because I never go out on New Year’s.”

“Excuse me. I distinctly remember times when you not only went out
but put out.”

Sara’s my age. I’m already suffering memory loss; why isn’t she?

“Stay home,” I say, politely ignoring her. “New Year’s is amateur night.”

“But, I’ll be alone!”

“Oh, for crap’s sake! Then go to the friggin’ party.”

“But it will be all couples, and you know how couples can be. It’ll be totally boring.”

“Then French kiss one of the hot hubbies after you’ve knocked back a few glasses. Cause a scene. You’re good at that.”

“Well, if nothing else, I’ll at least have a good story to tell at the next party.”

Exactly; a smart woman must always have a few entertaining stories up her sleeve. Plus, a whiff of scandal.

Still, I am not a New Year’s Eve woo-woo fan. I used to be, back in the days when I was a party girl. Staying home was not an option. But I can’t ever remember a New Year’s that lived up to the hype. Not the fancy dinner at “the” restaurant, not the one at the fancy hotel, not the swanky discos, not the intimate dinner parties at my house, not the party when we all got naked (OK, well that wasn’t so bad). There’s always some sort of forced fun, even when there’s genuine fun.

My first real New Year’s disappointment was when I was 16. I was at a party with my boyfriend and all our friends were there, plus there was booze and other things. Then, about 11 p.m, he pulled me aside and said, “Let’s go home.”

You’re kidding. The party hasn’t even started yet!”

“I want to be screwing when it’s midnight.”

And so that’s how that New Year’s Eve went. Not that I have any problem with being naked in bed with a dick in me at midnight — or any other time — but I was still under the impression that New Year’s had to be really special back then.

As if that wasn’t somehow special …

Still, I was disappointed; We could screw any day of the year, but it was only New Yera’s Eve once a year. And because I was young and inexperienced in such things, I ended up giving him a courtesy fuck.

Now, I know better.

So, this year, despite all the New Year’s Eve shenanigans, I’ll be kissing off the aughts by trying to regain my youth — being naked in bed with a dick in me at midnight.

And you?

Happy New Year!

Dec 29

Where not to meet men and other nonsense

Posted on Tuesday, December 29, 2009 in dating, hookups, Singles

Sean and I were at a dinner party thrown by a couple neither of us knew very well, the kind of party in which couples weren’t seated together. So, in between my conversations with my rather charming dinner neighbors, I would sometimes glance over at Sean; he was seated next to the hostess and he was clearly charming her.

Not surprising; he sure charmed me when we met, and continues to. He’s not the player kind of charmer, but he’s an interesting person, the kind of guy who has lots of interesting stories and who knows how to tell them.

It was weird but, my chest swelled (it’s a good look plus it’s a helluva lot cheaper way to increase a bra size than surgery and a lot more comfortable than a Wonderbra) and I felt kind of proud. Then I felt awfully silly because, what the hell was I proud of? He’s lived a number of decades before I was even in the picture, so most of his interesting stories happened way before me. And, it’s not like he’s The Kid and I can take some responsibility — deserved or not — for the fine young man he’s turned out to be. Sean’s accomplishments and life story really have
nothing
to do with me, and mine have
nothing to do with him.  match

But, silly or not, it feels really good when others dig the person we love because it’s a
reminder that, hey, we made a good choice.

If it’s true that we gravitate toward people who are like us, well, if we’re with someone who’s smart, funny, sexy and kind, then we must be smart, funny, sexy and kind, too.

So, everyone’s always surprised when they find out how we met — online.

“You did not!” they exclaim.

“Yes, we did!”

Why is it so shocking that there are some good people on dating sites. You’re on it, right? It’s like saying you wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have you. OK, sure, I’ve heard all the stories — you can’t find anyone who’s “real” online; you see the same men over and over again; all they’re after are booty calls — and I’ve experienced a few of them, too.

And I met some guys who were players or losers or relatively nice guys who had zip sex appeal or who were still mourning their last relationship — or not quite out of it (and may not even ever have had the intention to get out of it). But, I also met a handful of really nice guys whose company I enjoyed. And then, I met Sean.

He was the keeper.

What difference does it make where or how you meet someone — whether it’s a strip club, bar, concert, church, psychic fair, cougar night, Star Trek convention, museum, bookstore or online? Because I’ve indulged in almost all of those (I’ll leave it for you to guess which ones I haven’t). Honestly, haven’t we all found ourselves in some odd places at some point in our life? And sometimes that’s the exact moment when the stars align and in walks Mr. Wonderful.

It doesn’t really matter where you meet someone; what matters is who the person is and what happens after you meet. If he’s a quality guy, you keep him; if not, you let him go. Or, at the least, you have your hookup and move on.

You just have to be able to figure that out.

  • Where have you met past or present sweeties?
  • Were you ever embarrassed by that?
  • Do you have dating rules about where you “should” or “shouldn’t” meet someone?
Dec 28

Who’s a better parent, a liar or an abuser?


Here’s how Christmas looked at my house (well, let’s just ignore all the dust bunnies for now) —  even though The Kid was supposed to be with me Christmas Eve, he slept at his dad’s because that’s when Rob’s family has their big holiday to-do and that’s noted in our custody arrangement. The Kid came back to me Christmas Day, because that’s when my family does our thing (and we can ignore the rather meager gifts under the tree, too).

As much as Rob and I may not be able to live together and even though it hasn’t always been easy, we’re pretty good co-parents — and Trent has been the one to benefit. He’s with me half the time, and his dad the other half.

So I’m wondering how the Tiger Woods divorce is going to play out — Elin Nordegren wants full custody of their kids, Sam, 2, and Charlie, 10 months old. Now, I think parents should have joint custody as much as possible unless one parent is truly unfit; kids need their moms and their dads, and they need them in equal amounts.

But, what’s “unfit”?

                      © EchoArt/Fotolia.com

© EchoArt/Fotolia.com

Tiger dipped his dick into a dozen-plus skanky pussies, sent dirty text messages to his mistresses, paid them shush money and lied to his wife; Elin allegedly went after Tiger with a golf club, resulting in the cuts and bruises on his face.

Who is a more fit parent?

Hmmm.

Given a liar and a person who gets so upset over someone’s lies that she turns violent, I’m pretty sure I’d take the liar.

Perhaps it’s understandable that Elin would want to hurt Tiger; he sure as hell hurt her. Not (as far as we know) physically (although he absolutely put her at risk of STDs and HIV), but emotionally. I know exactly what it’s like to discover that your hubby has been cheating on you; I can’t imagine dealing with the parade of mistress confessions Elin has had to deal with after that first discovery. I might lose my mind, too!

But turn violent? We don’t tolerate men abusing women; do we tolerate women abusing men?

Well, maybe it was a one-time thing. It’s nice to think that, but who knows? And I sure wouldn’t want to be the judge putting kids solely into the hands of a parent who has a violent streak (and plans to move with her kids halfway around the world, away from their dad). And you can’t be swayed by who we’re talking about here — a billionaire sports hero; imagine we’re talking about any other suburban family.

Because here’s a no-brainer: Parenting is stressful, and all of us at times lose it. Enter the mommy screamathon, which Dad’s House, “Dad” aka David Mott, discusses on an “ABC News Now” segment on “flip-out moms“:

“When Parents Flip Out – you know that moment when your kids drive you to the absolute brink, and you go ballistic shouting at them to correct whatever is wrong? Clean up your mess! Put your shoes away! Get your homework done! Quit fighting! etc.

Not every parent flips out like that. I happen to be one who stays cool, calm, and collected.”

What if a flip-out mom decides to use her fist — or a golf club — instead of her voice?

The worst part of discovering adultery isn’t really the sex, it’s the lying. Well, here’s what happens when your kids grow into teenagers — they start lying. All teenagers lie to various degrees, and if you think yours isn’t, you’re lying to yourself. Parents can’t flip out — and turn violent — when the lying starts.

Yeah, yeah, I know —  I’m as tired of Tiger’s saga as much as anyone else, and I honestly couldn’t care less about celebrity divorces or celebrities in general. But shouldn’t we explore what we consider “fit” parenting and how we decide who gets sole custody?

  • When should a parent get full custody?
  • What is a “fit” parent?
  • Should a parent lose part or full custody over infidelity?
  • Do we tolerate abuse from women differently than from men?
  • And, would Elin’s shade of blond look good on me?